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They’ve been dating for a couple of weeks when Hanamaru asks: “Do you dislike touching me, Dia-chan?”
Dia jolts and glances nervously around the library. It’s pretty much empty, but she can’t help worrying that they’ll be overheard. “Is this really where we should be having this sort of conversation?”
“We don’t have that many options,” Hanamaru points out. “We’re in different classes. We can’t talk after school because we have practice, and we have to head home straight after, or we’ll miss the bus.”
She has a point, Dia supposes. It might be good to talk about this, if it’s something Hanamaru is worried about, and now is as good a time as any. She scratches at her mole. “I don’t… dislike it.”
“But you clearly don’t like it, either,” Hanamaru argues. She must be able to see Dia’s confusion on her face, since she immediately starts explaining. “Whenever I try to hold hands, you either refuse or let go. You shy away from me a lot. And, even though we’ve been dating for weeks now, we still haven’t kissed.” She says all this frankly, without even the slightest hint of embarrassment. Dia looks at their surroundings again, but there’s still no one near enough to overhear them. Still, she can’t keep her cheeks from flaring up red.
“W-well, that’s…” She trails off, unable to come up with a good explanation on the spot.
Hanamaru leans back in her chair and looks away. Her hair obscures her face from Dia’s view. “If you don’t want to be with me, that’s fine, but please tell me now.”
Without making a conscious decision to do so, Dia stands up. Her chair tips over and falls to the floor with a clatter as she shouts: “Don’t be stupid!”
A deathly silence falls over the library after her proclamation. People are staring at her now - that includes Hanamaru, who has a wide-eyed stare trained on her face, cheeks flushed. Dia takes a moment to compose herself, then straightens and excuses herself as primly as she can. She sets the chair upright as if nothing abnormal has happened. All the while, Hanamaru keeps looking at her as if she’s been possessed.
“Maru-san,” Dia murmurs, “would you mind coming for a walk with me?”
Hanamaru shakes her head frantically and scrambles to fall into step with her. “Is something wrong? I’m sorry if I made you angry, or-”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dia hurries to assure her, “I’m merely angry at myself.”
They walk through the hallways in silence for a moment. Dia doesn’t have a particular destination in mind for them; she just wants to be somewhere quiet, where they won’t be overheard. She doesn’t get the chance to think of a place, though, because Hanamaru grabs her hand and pulls her to a stop. Dia jolts at the contact and pulls her hand away.
“See?” Hanamaru has a dejected look on her face. Dia wants to curse herself for pulling away. “You always do that when I try to touch you. If you don’t want to break up with me, then just tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”
Seeing Hanamaru’s hurt but determined look, Dia sighs. It’s time for her to come clean, no matter how embarrassing it may be. “It’s not that I don’t want to touch you, or that I don’t enjoy it. I’m just not used to it,” she admits, looking down at her feet instead of at her girlfriend. “I’ve only ever held Ruby’s hand before. Mari-san and Kanan-san sometimes as well, but it’s different. I’ve known them for my entire life.
“And, as for that other stuff. Things like k-kissing,” she scratches at her mole again, “I haven’t done… any of that. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I’m not sure-” She can’t find the words to finish that sentence, so she tries again. “I know that you already have some experience, so…” She takes a deep breath to steel herself and says, “I suppose I’m just afraid of embarrassing myself, or making mistakes, or something.”
Finally, she looks up at Hanamaru. She isn’t giving Dia the look of pitying she was half-expecting; instead she looks thoughtful, brows pulled together in a small frown. As the silence stretches on, Dia can’t help blurting out: “Sorry. I know it’s a bit weird.”
All at once, the thoughtful look slides from Hanamaru’s face and it its place appears one of determination. “I don’t think that’s weird at all! When I first started dating, I was nervous about physical affection, too.”
“Really?” Dia asks, a little surprised. Hanamaru seems so comfortable with touching people…
“Really,” Hanamaru affirms, “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We can take things as slow as you like.”
Dia mulls this over for a moment. Then, she sticks her hand out towards her girlfriend. “Then,” she says, face beet red in spite of her best efforts to remain composed, “Would it be alright if we held hands?”