Sunset ^beta

Night settled like a warm blanket of Cotton Candy over the Candy Kingdom. Its people slept, chocolate chips nestled in unbaked dough, whirring and snoring through their sugar plum dreams. Even the Banana Guards of the castle slumbered peacefully upright at their posts. It was a night like any other–with safety practically guaranteed.

Except that guarantee usually turned out to be faulty. And there were no refunds.

Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum slept quietly in her Princess Sized Bed. (Way bigger and better than a king size.) It wasn’t often the princess found herself able to sleep on nights like these, usually busy tinkering with a new experiment or watching her favorite reality T.V. show. (The cameras monitoring her people.)

It came as no surprise when a shadow skulked about through her candied halls. Not a single sound warned of its presence, not even a light tapping against the chocolate/vanilla tiles. And by ‘came as no surprise,’ that is very literal. No one was surprised. No one even knew it was there. No one except…

“Starchy!” Bubblegum screamed, shooting upright from her blankets, covered in a cold sweat. “Oh. Oh, just that dream again. The one where Starchy buries me alive. Phew. Haha. Oh well. Just a nightmare.”

The shadow crept in, danced across her walls, mimicking the blowing wind of her curtains.

“I should go back to sleep,” Princess Bubblegum said. “Talking to myself like this is a little embarrassing, but once you start, it’s hard to stop, you know? Haha.” She narrowed her eyes, the sleepy haze of her previous nightmare wearing off. “Hold on, I’m certain I closed my balcony doors.”

The shadow knew it had been caught. There was no point in hiding now. It moved for its target.

Bubblegum’s eyes widened. “You! Oh, heck nah, we are not doing this! Banana Guards–!!”

But before she could wake her guard, she was already gone. Nothing but an indent in her bed.

When Marceline arrived, the place was already crawling with Banana Guards.

“Did you check the thing!!” Banana Guard 34 yelled.

“I checked the fridge!! There still isn’t a note saying where she went!” Banana Guard 87 screamed back, just as panicked as the first 46 times.

“Check again!! Maybe she’ll leave a note telling us where the note is that tells us where she went!”

“Oh, that sounds extremely plausible and reasonable!!!” the Banana Guard cried, wiping away his hysteric tears. “I’ll go check for an update!”

He wee-wooed past Marceline, leaving her alone with only 24 Banana Guards instead of 25, which was just barely over the room’s occupancy of 20. Sadly, Finn and Jake were here too, bringing the occupancy limit well past its safe limit.

“Finn! Jake!” Marceline shouted over the messy murmurs of the Banana Guards. “What’s going on here?! Where’s Bonnie?”

“Yo, Marcy!!” Finn shouted, waving his Night Sword in greeting. This was generally unsafe, given the slippery nature of the guard, but who didn’t love a bit of slapstick every now and then?

“Yeah, that’s what all the fuss is about,” Jake said. “Bubblegum’s gone missing. Probably dead if I had to guess.”

“ WHAT? ” Marcy screeched, freezing all 26 occupants in the room. Finn’s Night Sword flew out of his hands and the pommel landed straight on Banana Guard 3’s head, knocking him out, which then left a slippery banana peel-like body on the floor which then caused Banana Guard 87 to slip and crash into Banana Guard Who Cares What Number as he came wee-wooing back with no new fridge-related updates.

Jake gave a light guffaw at the Banana slapstick as it proved a mildly-if-not-cheap run on gag. He returned to Marceline and said, “Oh, no, man, I was just guessin’.”

“Jake’s a terrible guesser,” Finn said, picking up the Night Sword by the growing pile of slipping Banana Guards.

“Yeah, I’m more into hypothosizin’, you know?” He smiled. “Like. Feelin’ it. And if I had to guess what I’m feelin’? I’d guess I’m feelin’ like Bubblegum’s not dead.”

“That’s the spirit, bro.”

“I’m optimistic, bro.”

“Glass half-full, bro.”

“Glass is FULL-full, bro.”

“Careful, don’t wanna get so full you spill your opties, bro. (Opties is your optimism, bro.)”

Jake had taken on the form of a giant glass of water by now if that wasn’t already apparent.

“Nah, man, I’m a glass half-full kinda guy, I’d never spill my opties, bro. (I totally got what you meant, bro.)”

“Guys. I love a good bit, but I’m kinda freaking out over here.” Marceline let out a sigh.

“Need some of my opties?” Jake offered a glass of himself in his hand.

“No, I’d really just like to know what happened.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Finn said, nodding thoughtfully. “So let me fill you in on everything we know.” He nodded. “Princess Bubblegum is gone.”

Silence. Well, other than the whimpering of the Banana Guards as they continued to slip over each other.

“Yeah? And…?” Marceline went on.

“Huh? Oh. That’s it. We just know she’s gone.”

Marceline narrowed her eyes. “How do you know she’s not just nerding it up in her laboratory for too long?”

Banana Guard 56 piped in, “She usually leaves a note on the fridge when she does that!”

“Oh! I should go check the fridge!” Banana Guard 5 said.

“Good idea!!!” the Banana Guards shouted happily in unison, cheering the one guy to make it out of the pile.

“We checked her usual spots,” Finn added.

“We even checked her un usual spots. Like Starchy’s house!” Jake also added. “Boy was he sad when he realized he wasn’t relevant again. Heh.”

“Dang it,” Marceline cursed. “When was the last time anyone saw her?”

Banana Guard Number Number spoke muffled through the skins of his fellow guard. “During story time! She read us all our goodnight story about the three little Banana Guards and how a big bad Cotton Candy Wolf tried to blow their houses down! But with just a little ingenuity and elbow grease, the three little Banana Guards managed to build a subatomic laser to disintegrate the wolf into atoms!”

“Aw, spoilers!!”

“Then she went to bed.”

“And no one saw her in the morning?” Marceline asked.

“No!! When we checked her bed to make sure she hadn’t been kidnapped, we found out she was missing!”

“Kidnapped, eh…” Marceline mumbled, hand to her chin.

“You don’t think…” Finn started.

“She’s dead?!” Jake finished.

“No!” Marceline shouted.

“Haha, oh. Whoops. There I go guessin’ peoples’ deaths again.”

Marceline said, “She might have been kidnapped.”

“That’s some mighty fine detective work, ma’am,” Finn said, sounding weirdly not sarcastic.

“Any signs of a struggle?” Marceline asked.

“Well, I struggled to get into the door in the morning,” Banana Guard A said.

“Yeah, I keep forgetting it’s a pull door, not a push door,” Banana Guard @ said.

“So we broke the door down in a panic.” They pointed at the wrecked door off its hinges. “Then one of us slipped, so we all started slipping, and well…”

Marceline noted the broken furniture, smashed in windows, ripped curtains, and the mattress that had somehow gotten stuck on the ceiling. “So this was all you guys?”

“Yeah. :)” 

“Mattress thing was me,” Jake admitted. “Scared myself when I guessed that Bubblegum might have died and I threw up and got really embarrassed and flung the mattress on the ceiling and it got stuck there. Because of my throw up.”

“S’ok, bro, we all throw up sometimes.”

Marceline’s fingers rapped against her arms in thought, laying back in a floating pose. “So if that’s the case, we can assume that the room was in pristine shape until you all came in.”

Finn shrugged. “That logic sounds sound enough to me.”

“Literally can’t think of a single problem with that theory,” Jake concurred.

“Must be a kidnapping,” Marceline said.

“Def probs a kidnapping,” Finn agreed.

“But who would want to kidnap Princess Bubblegum?” Jake asked.

“A question for the ages…” the Banana Guards pondered.

“Oh snap! What about Ice…” Finn snapped his fingers. Then snapped his fingers again. He continued to snap his fingers. “Nope. Lost it.”

“We really gotta work on our attention span, bro,” Jake said, snapping along with Finn.

“Who would want to harm Bonnie?” Marceline asked genuinely.

26 of the 27 occupants in Bubblegum’s room burst out with laughter.

“Let’s see,” Finn started. “A rival kingdom.”

“Flame Princess,” Jake added.

“Nah, bro, not FP.”

“You don’t know!”

Finn waved him off. “Her Uncle Gumbald. Ice King. Lemon Grab. Constance.”

“You mean Patience.”

“Gunter.” Finn went on. “The entirety of Wizard City. King of Ooo. The Lich. Susan Strong if she gets a little too hopped up. PB’s own people. Multiple Times.”

“Us,” Jake added.

“Oh yeah, we did kidnap her that one time.”

“You.” Jake pointed at Marceline.

“Me?!”

“Wouldn’t put it past you,” Jake said evenly.

“You’ve got a point,” Marceline admitted.

“A deer,” Finn continued. “Just a regular deer.”

“Maja!” Marceline beamed with excitement, happy to finally add another suspect. “The Sky Witch!”

“Oh, totes.” Finn nodded. “The mutants. Tart Toter Thieves. Foxes. LSP. Tree Trunks. Those two weird sphinxes that are stuck in a mind battle forever.”

“Glob, I totally forgot about them!”

“Everyone does.”

Marceline groaned at the realization. “Okay, so literally everyone is a suspect.”

“Not BMO!” Jake corrected.

“ Except BMO.”

“Nice! Cross that one off the list.”

“Finding clues isn’t exactly my strong point,” Marceline said. “Think I’ll go round up the usual suspects and see what I can find out.”

“Ice King?” Finn asked.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. Don’t know why it slipped my mind at first.”

“Attention span, bro. We gotta stop watching those baby sensory videos.”

“Yeah, okay, anyway,” Marceline jutted a thumb behind her. “I’m outskies. Gonna check on Simon.”

She floated out in a flash, the Banana Guards waving a pleasant goodbye as she did.

Visiting Simon, the Ice King, didn’t usually fill her with dread. For the most part, it was actually a good time! But with Bubblegum missing, possibly in danger, Marceline couldn’t help but brood.

The sudden bone chilling cold was nothing new to Marceline. Even when maddening frost bit into her skin, she simply shrugged it off. She’d experienced worse in her life, she’d seen worse. There was no need to bundle up, and frankly, there wasn’t time. There wasn’t time to falter with her feelings, to hesitate before the man she once looked up to.

A flick of snow dripped onto her nose. She remembered a time he’d have wiped it away.

“Oop. Lemme get that for ya, buddy,” Finn said, reaching up from her claws and using a little hanky with a cartoon duck sewed onto it. He reached with that metal arm of his, but sadly could not come anywhere near Marceline’s massive snout. He sighed and let his body fall limp and dejected as Marceline’s giant crow body continued to soar them through the snowy skies.

“I’m good, thanks,” Marceline snorted, her bat nostrils flaring, hot air melting away any snow. Yeah, her body was just described as a crow and now her face had a bat snout, but look, Marceline was an artist and sometimes she combined animal body parts, okay?

As the Ice King’s mountain slowly came into view, the face on the mountain’s…face… looking the same as ever, Marceline asked, “Hey, it’s cool you decided to come help, but why didn’t Jake come?”

Finn’s body sprang back to its usual self, hitting his stride as he’d say. “Jake said it’s a lot easier for people to show their bonds–their connections–when there’s less people around. Keep adding people and it's more work and you sort of lose that special spice that makes relationships really standout.”

“He just didn’t want to come, did he?” Marceline said with a fang-filled smirk. She didn’t mind.

“Probs!” She felt Finn shrug. “Three’s a crowd or whatever?”

Marceline nodded. If she was being completely honest, she probably would have preferred to do this alone, but she didn’t mind having Finn help her out just in case Simon decided to give her trouble.

She never wanted to hurt Simon. She frankly wasn’t sure she could. Even when he frustrated her so much, even when he hurt her so much, she just–she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to bring herself to do what needed to be done. Not against him.

Luckily for everyone, Finn already had the Night Sword at the ready, screaming his battlecry, tongue flailing.

“Ice King!” Finn screamed between his ‘loo loo loo's. He landed on the iced tiles with ease, as if he’d done it hundreds of times. “You’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do!!”

Marceline quickly reformed to her usual self. She knew how jumpy this old Simon was, she didn’t want to scare him.

“Huh-wha-,” an insane voice mumbled from his living room. His mouth smacked of–Marceline sniffed–pepperoni pizza?

“Are you back to your old princess kidnapping ways again?!” Finn asked, steel arm clenched in justiced fury, ready to bonk any old man that got in his way.

“Finn!” Simon the Ice King called out, recognizing him way too late, but still strangely recognizing him. “Buddy, did you get my invite to the pizza party?!” His crazed white eyes fell onto Marceline, and like always, he struggled to recognize her. But at least he did. That was something. “And… Mark… Mars…Er…”

“Marceline,” she said gently. Getting mad at him never solved anything, never helped him remember.

“Marceline, of course!!” Ice King threw his hands into the air, pizzas in each wrinkly claw. “Don’t worry, girl, I got your invite right here.” He dropped a slice of pizza to the floor with a PLOP! and reached into his grease stained robe to hand her a banana.

“Thanks, Simon,” she said stonily. She hated how fake she sounded, but luckily, he never noticed. It was almost sweet in a way. She took the banana and read:

To Weird Lady. No wait. Princess Bubblegum. No, hold on. The gray one. Marceline! That’s it.

Aw. He really did remember.  

Finn gripped his sword and tried to make headway in the scene. “I would like to remind you that I asked you a question!”

“And I’d like to remind you that I asked you a question!” Ice King shouted back.

“Well!” Finn gripped his sword and lowered his stance. “I forgot what you asked me!”

Ice King also took what appeared to be a kung-fu stance, maybe. It was kind of funny. He still had a way of calming her down even now. “I also forgot what I asked you!”

“Did you kidnap PB?!” Finn asked, cutting through the bit with his proverbial sword, and also his actual sword.

“What? No. No! I’d never do that!” Ice King huffed, offended.

“You literally did it all the time a few years back,” Marceline added.

“That was the old me!” Ice King said. “I’m different! I’ve grown as a person!”

“But you’re still crazy! How does that even happen?” Finn circled around the Ice King threateningly. Well as threateningly as a 17 year old nerd with a sword could. “How can you grow as a person?”

“Listen!” Ice King put his hands up, taking a bite of pizza as he did. “This is just like in Fionna and Cake, okay? Think about it like this. Yeah, I’m still crazy, yeah I’m still morally gray, BUT! Think about THIS!” He pointed his pizza slice at his head dramatically. “The writers probably found the whole kidnapping business really uncomfortable! It’s a bit weird!”

Marceline raised an eyebrow. “The writers of… Fionna and Cake?”

“Yeah!”

“But aren’t you… the writer of Fionna and Cake?”

Ice King pointed his pizza at Marceline and gave her a sly wink. “ Exactly.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Finn shouted.

“No, no,” Marceline nodded. “He’s got a point.”

Simon, the Ice King, beamed. He looked happier than she’d ever seen him as regular Simon. “I knew you’d get me, Gunther!”

Close enough.

“So you didn’t kidnap Princess Bubblegum?” Finn asked again, somehow squatting even lower than before. “For reals? For realsies?”

“For realsies. ” Ice King held his pizza over his heart.

“You super ultra duper promise?” Finn asked.

“I super diaper ultra prommy.”

Finn lowered his sword and looked back at Marceline with a sigh. “Yeah. You’re right. This guy’s clean.”

“Hey, look, I can even help with your investigation!” Simon said with excitement.

Marceline started, “Aw, you really don’t–”

“ GUNTHER! ” Ice King screamed, his shrill voice booming through his ice caverns.

“Wheck!” Gunther whecked from a distant room, apparently too lazy to just walk over.

“GUNTHER, DID YOU KIDNAP PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM FOR DADDY?”

“Wheck!”

“NO? REALLY? IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SWEET OF YOU IF YOU DID.”

“Wheck!”

“FOR REALSIES? YOU KNOW I CAN TELL WHEN YOU’RE LYING, GOONTS.”

“Wheck!”

Ice King turned back to them like he hadn’t just yelled this entire conversation over them. He shrugged. “Well I’ve done all I can do. Looks like we didn’t kidnap anyone today.” He paused. “Probably.”

“You buyin’ this, Marcy?” Finn whispered.

“Yep. I don’t think Simon would lie to me if he could help it. He’d lie to you sure, but not me. Unless he didn’t mean to. Which he usually doesn’t.”

Finn nodded. “I literally can’t see any fault in your logic whatsoever.” He sheathed his blade somehow.

Before Marceline and Finn flew off to the next suspect, she noted something… almost peculiar. In this twisted cave of drum sets and dirty laundry and penguin cuisine, it was truly hard to find something that struck her as strange, but…

“Hey Simon,” Marceline asked. “What’s with that milk carton over by that creepy hole?”

Simon checked over it, probably forgetting it was there entirely. “Hm? Oh that? That’s just the change from the pizza delivery boy. You know. For the pizza. That I’m holding.”

Marceline couldn’t quite grasp what strange thing Simon was trying to say. Was it literal? Or just one of his mad ravings? Or just like… penguin things?

Either way, she didn’t have time to ponder over every weird thing Simon did. She needed to save Bonnie. Or at least just know she was okay.

Flame Princess was a bust. Marceline had heard from the grapevine, (Wildberry Princess) that Flame Princess and Bubblegum had a pretty rocky relationship. Reminded her a lot of her own relationship with Bubblegum. In fact, Marceline had felt a spark of something with Flame Princess in general. A kinship?

Crazy they basically never interacted before. Flame Princess was hot.

Ugh! What was Marceline thinking? While Bubblegum was in danger? Horrible! Horrible! C’mon!

“Marcy?”

“Yeah, Finn?”

“... You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“It’s just. You’re punching yourself in the face. Really hard. Like bruises and stuff.”

“Don’t worry, it heals like instantly.”

“That’s not, uh–you know what? Nevermind.”

It wasn’t just Finn’s usual avoidance of delving deeper into his friends’ emotional psyche, Marceline felt a presence. Even Finn noticed it, or at least, his Night Sword did. The eyeball at its hilt was rolling around something fierce. It rolled around like someone did another cheap fart joke, but like, it was super angry about it too.

Marceline and Finn were still inside the Flame Kingdom’s boiling borders, lava flowing through its rivers like adrenaline through Marceline’s veins. Luckily, and obviously, they had a Flame Protection Spell placed on them because they’re not completely stupid. That is enough description of the area.

“Come outta there, creeps!” Marceline shouted at a particularly rude piece of obsidian that could potentially hide a dastardly demon. “If you want somethin’, show yourselves!”

“ Bllllleeeeeeeeeeeh~!” groaned their attackers, wobbling out of their hiding places. One stumbled out from behind a rock, one rustled out of a dead burnt bush, (they could see him the whole time), one crawled out of the lava but was just a skeleton and died, and one face-planted in front of them from the sky.

“Gasp!” Finn gasped. “It’s the…” He put a metal finger to his chin. “I dunno who these guys are actually. Someone new? Possibly original?”

“I know who they are…” Marceline growled, her rockin’ axe at the ready.

The one that fell out of the sky stepped forward. He and the others appeared to be stocky chubby little imps, completely rotund. Tiny wings sprouted from their backs, twigs at best, that could barely keep them afloat. The leader pulled out a cigar which then proceeded to light itself due to the nature of the Flame Kingdom being That Way.

“We’re da Get You Goons!” the leader announced dramatically. One of the Goons scrambled behind them to pose the skeleton of their dead friend into a menacing pose with the rest of them. Even his skeleton was orb-like. “And we’re… gonna get ya.”

“I don’t know how to feel about that!” Finn said angrily, also confusedly, gripping his sword in his handily.

“I knew it! I’ve seen these bums before!” Marceline nodded.

“How’s you know ‘em, Marcy?” Finn asked.

The Goons waited patiently for Marceline to explain, posing their skeleton friend into a sitting position.

“The Get You Goons are lesser demons from the Nightosphere.” Marceline planted her axe into the ashy dirt, leaning her elbows on it. “I don’t know how they got here.”

“Nightosphere, eh?” Finn nodded, copying Marceline’s pose exactly because it looked really cool. “The alternate dimension that’s basically like Heck, but it turns out we already have a dead world with similar Heck-like tendencies, so it’s not really Heck?”

“Yea,” the Goon Leader said, puffing his cigar. “Thanks for explainin’ for potential listeners that may nots remember and whats not.”

Flambo, who was hiding under a rock and watching in the shadows, was super grateful.

“In the few years I spent with my dad, I rarely ever ran into these chumps.” Marceline jutted a thumb at them.

“Rudes!” one of the lesser Goons exclaimed, his voice strangely similar to the leader but pitched up slightly.

Marceline’s voice turned harsher as she went on. “The Get You Goons are known for Getting You.”

Finn waited for her to go on. She did not. “... And? What’s that mean?”

“Lemme helps understand you, kid!” the Goon leader laughed. The Lesser Goons posed their Skeleton Goon into a more threatening hands-on-his-hips pose. “You ever heard of…” the Goon Leader licked his fangs. The word that came out of his mouth oozed like a scab. 

“ ...Ligma?! ”

Finn tilted his head, not quite understanding the dramatic flair here. “What d-”

“ FINN, NO! ” Marcy screamed, covering his mouth.

“Rats.” The Goon Leader snapped his fingers and the Skeleton Goon took on a pose of despair at their failure.

“That’s one way they Get You!” Marcy yelled.

Finn licked the palms of her hands until she let go. “Geez! I know what ligma is! I’m 17 for Glob’s sake. I’ve hit my stride! I just didn’t understand what it had to do with the context of things.”

“When you get Gotten by a Get You Goon, you become a Get You Goon!” Marceline said. “Get You Goons were normal people like you and me,” she said, pointing at herself, the vampire queen/half-demon. “Until one day, they got Gotten.”

The Goons curled their stubby little hands into fists.

“Like most people who have gotten Gotten,” Marceline went on, completely not relating to Finn at this moment. She said solemnly, “The Get You Goons turned into creatures of malice and hate, forever trying to Get someone else, just as they had been Gotten. To be Got is to be changed, to be Gotten is something that will never be forgotten.”

“Nyeh!” the Goons cried, throwing their hands into the air. A lesser Goon wiggled the Skeleton Goon’s arms.

“It’s a vicious cycle that can never be broken.” Marcy closed her eyes and silently thought about the friends who had been Gotten in her past.

“What? Me and Jake get each other all the time.”

“That’s messed up, dude.”

“Yeah, like, you gonna celebrate Mahween this year?”

A lesser Goon piped up. “Duh, what’s Mahween? That sounds fun. :)”

“ JERRY, NO!”

“Celebrate Mah Wiener in yo face!!!” Finn screamed, throwing a sausage at the goon, because by wiener, it was clearly implied to mean the hot dog variety, and not that other less kid-friendly one.

“Oh, Glob, not like this!” the lesser Goon howled as the limp sausage slapped him in the face. In the next instant, he exploded violently into a pile of ash, a tiny mushroom cloud where he used to be. The Skeleton Goon was posed to mourn the loss of his friend.

“See what I mean?” Marceline motioned at their horrified faces, Finn practically mimicking their terror at his action. “It’s just not funny.”

“I didn’t…!”

“Jerry hads a husband, youse monster!” the Goon Leader cried. “Hows am I ‘sposed to break the news to the poor guy?”

“But I…!”

“We’ll get Skeletony to handle this,” a lesser Goon said, making the Skeletal Goon nod and scoop up the ashes with a little skeletal dustpan.

“Wow, Finn, you’re more hardcore than I realized.” Marceline grinned and nodded. “Cut straight to the point. I like it.” She pointed at the Goons. “Listen up, Get You Goons! You best answer all my questions or my friend here will Get You just like your friend got Gotten!”

“Sweet Glob, we’ll do whatevers youse wants!” the Goon Leader cried, cowering at their feet. As you could guess, the Skeleton Goon was also posed to cower along with the rest.

“This was somehow way more traumatizing than just cutting them up…” Finn mumbled to himself, looking at his sword in a daze.

“Tell me the truth!” Marceline stamped her foot into the ground. “Did you Get Princess Bubblegum?”

Fallen on his back and as helpless as a turtle, the Goon Leader whined, “Princess Whosawhatsit? We ain’t know no Princess!”

“Don’t play dumb with me!” She pointed at Finn’s thousand-yard-stare. “You want him to Get You?!”

“No! Glob, please! I swears! I never heard of no Princess Bumblegump in my lifes!”

Marceline narrowed her eyes at the Goon. It was hard to understand him with such a thick Crime accent, but she could feel it in her gut that he was telling the truth.

“Actin’ like you don’t know anyone rounds here, eh?!” Marceline picked up the goon by the scruff of his rounded neck, which could have also been his shoulder or maybe just his whole body since he was, again, orb-shaped.

Shoot. Her crime accent was coming out. She had thought she left that way of talking behind.

“We don’t knows nothin’s!” the Goon Leader cried. “We ain’t even been here a whole day!”

“Not evens a whole day, eh?” Marceline pondered aloud. “Bonnie’s been missin’ for exactlys a not-a-whole-day! Tryin’ to pull a fast one on me?! Why I outta…”

“Swears it! I swears it! We ain’t heard of no broad! We ain’t even Get anyone!”

“Then just what’r’youse dopes doin’ in my world?” 

“Swears it, we swears it!! We’s just went throughs a random portal here, we swears!! Musta belonged to some other palooka!”

Marceline glared into the Goon’s beady little eyes. Never trust a Get You Goon. But at the same time, these Goons were Getless. They weren’t Getting anyone with these low-tier Gets. They could have been telling the truth. Maybe they really were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Her fingers went slack. Marceline dropped the Goon Leader into the ash. “Alright. I believes ya.”

“Phew!” the Goon Leader wiped sweat off his brow. The Skeleton Goon also did that.

“But that don’t mean I wants youse palookas walkin’ around my world!”

“Please don’t Get us, ma’am!”

“I won’t.” She sighed. The adrenaline slowed. Her vision became slightly less red, what with them still being in the Flame Kingdom and everything being pretty dang red as it is. “But you still have to go.”

Her Crime Accent was fading away again, thankfully. It was embarrassing, but luckily Finn was still really messed up after killing a guy.

“We can get rid of them in a more humane way, Finn,” Marceline said, bringing his attention back.

“Huh? Yeah?” Finn sheathed his sword.

“Just follow my lead and chant with me,” Marceline said. Finn nodded. She cleared her throat.

“Get you gone, Get You Goons!” Marceline chanted once. Finn quickly joined in. “Get you gone, Get You Goons!”

After saying this about 2 or 3 more times, the Get You Goons own desire to Get was turned inward onto themselves. Something dark and inky reached out from the ground–a manifestation of their own Get–and pulled them under through a whirling portal. The Skeleton Goon was pulled in by a spooky skeleton hand.

“There.” Marceline dusted her hands off. “They should be safely thrown back into the Nightosphere.”

Finn added hopefully, “Including that guy I Got?”

“Nope, that one’s dead for real.”

“Dang.”

Marceline shrugged. “Well that was a huge waste of time! Let’s go see if C.D. could be the kidnapper.”

Finn paused. “... C.D.? Who is that? Cinnamon… Dun?”

“ See Deez Nuts!” Marceline cackled, throwing a couple almonds at Finn.

Yeah, Getting people was really funny actually.

It was dead end after dead end. Marceline was sure Maja the Sky Witch was back and she must have been behind all this, but she had no idea where to find that rude so-and-so. Luckily, Finn continued to be surprisingly more resourceful than he seemed. He called upon his Psychic Tandem War Elephant using only his force of will, and bam! Maja.

Sadly, it turned out Maja had been in a coma for years? Give or take. The Psychic Tandem War Elephant had been just carrying her body around with them the whole time.

“That’s a little messed up,” Finn had said.

WE KNOW. The Psychic Tandem War Elephant’s very essence had boomed inside of them. WE’VE BEEN THINKING OF PASSING HER OVER TO A COUPLE OF NICE LOOKING WIZARDS. WE FIGURE THEY WOULD KNOW BETTER HOW TO FEED HER AND KEEP HER ENRICHED. SHE IS VERY ANGRY IN HER SLUMBERING BODY.

Deserved, in Marceline’s opinion.

Point is, it wasn’t Maja. Somehow, it wasn’t even Bubblegum’s uncle Gumbald! They went to see him, and while he promised he would have loved to have kidnapped her, he didn’t yet. He also promised that when he did kidnap her, he would not be subtle and make sure everyone knew.

Finn believed him and Marceline nodded along too.

Bubblegum had a real messed up family, but Marceline couldn’t talk when hers was just as bad. If not worse. But… hm… that got her thinking…

“You know,” Finn said, his limp body flapping in the wind as Marceline soared through the skies. “It’s a real shame your name isn’t like… Jarceline or something.”

“...What??” This took Marceline out of her line of thinking. “What do you mean??”

“Because. Like.” Finn held out his hands, trying to explain. “You’d be PB & J. Wouldn’t that be way cooler?”

“I guess??” Marceline snorted. He wasn’t wrong! “But I don’t want to be Jarceline. That name bites.”

“Jenny! No wait. Jennifer.”

“Ehhh… kind of dull.”

“What about like… Juiceifer?!”

“Dude! Like the devil?! But with a J?! That’s sick!”

“Yeah, dude! And you’d fit with P.B.’s food theme!”

“But, wouldn’t that like, mean I’m the devil of juice?”

“Nah, nah, you’d still be Marceline, just your name would be Juiceifer.”

“I think it’d imply some things about me and get people generally confused.”

“Uh, but, hello? Marceline? Shouldn’t that imply you’re like… butter or something?”

“You’re thinking of margarine.”

“Exactly! That’s my point! I bet plenty of people thought you’d be butter related based on your name.”

“Okay, Finn, ” Marceline mocked. “Shouldn’t you be shark related?”

Finn sighed and looked down at the zooming Cloud Kingdom below him. Dejected. “I think about that every night, Marcy.”

“Wait, wait. You’re getting me distracted.” Marceline tried to shake their conversation out of her head, but she really wanted to keep going with this.

“Should call you Distractaline!” Finn slapped his knee. “Am I right?”

“No, no, hold on!” Marcy said. “We were talking about the devil and like… family right?”

“Uhh, the devil had a place in our convo, yeah, but I don’t think family did.”

Marceline’s brain struggled. Gears attempted to turn inside her mind, but they’d been rusted still after a thousand years.

“Speak of the devil!” Finn added. “And family! Your dad’s like the devil basically!” He put his hands on his hips. “That’s crazy.”

The gears in her head still didn’t turn. They never would. Gears were more of Bonnie’s thing. But at the mention of her dad, something strummed the wrinkles in her brain like a weird meaty guitar.

“My DAD!” Marceline cried out.

“Heh, my dad’s like the devil too, don’t worry, I get it–”

“No, no, Finn! My DAD!”

“... You’re being weird and not fully finishing your thoughts. Are we talking about your demon dad or like… Simon?”

Marceline barreled against the wind, ripping and tearing through the clouds as she changed direction. “Both.”

Towards the Ice Kingdom.

Bubblegum awoke with her hands tied behind her back. Not a terribly uncommon situation for her. She twisted her wrists, fingers feeling for any imperfection in the knot. Kidnappers usually had more shoddy knot work than you’d think.

Crud.

This wasn’t your average everyday knot. This was a Double Twister Super Plaster Mega Knot Blast. It was one of the most advanced knots ever devised and banned in several kingdoms. Bubblegum wouldn’t be freeing herself from this without at least several kindergarten scissors. Which she didn’t have.

Fine. Time to give up on that. Maybe she could use something in the environment to her advantage?

It was dark. Too dark. Bubblegum could barely see. She knew, at least, that she was sitting in a chair. 

Hmm. Cushy. Dining. Fine dining even. Each cheek of her butt was held by a buttery soft pillow. This was a chair of extraordinary make. It didn’t help her, but she secretly felt a little smug about how well she figured that out.

Hopping forward, she bumped her tummy into what must have been a table. She slammed her face down onto it. Soft. Velvety. Silky. Sniff sniff. Foody. A dining table of fine make. Lick lick. French fries. Yes, yes, this was all coming together. She had no idea what to do with this information, but boy was she learning it.

Bubblegum’s eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness. Near her face, right where she slammed her head, she found the tools of her escape.

Yes!

That’s right!

Several Kindergarten Scissors.

Perfectly safe for even the dumbest baby. Pink for girls. Blue for girls. And yellow for the kids with troubled pasts.

“Mleehgfm,” she mlem’d, using her tongue to collect the scissors. Arching her back and craning her neck, she managed to drop one pair of scissors into her tied up hands behind her. Yes! Only a few more. She repeated this process with ease, only drooling on the scissors a little which is way less than they’d usually get.

Perfect! Several Kindergarten Scissors were now placed firmly in her fingers. Using advanced calculations and scientific equations that were way too smart for the author, she managed to construct a subatomic laser using only the handles of the scissors. Just a few more seconds and…

Zap!

Her laser cut through the rope.

“Yes! Haha!” Princess Bubblegum cried out triumphantly, her freed arms raised into the air. “That’ll teach you idiots to leave Several Kindergarten Scissors near me! Now who wants a taste of subatomic laser?!”

Suddenly, lights flooded the entire room, blinding Bubblegum in her moment of glory. She heard someone step forward, but she couldn’t make out the figure in this blinding haze of light. 

The kidnapper…!

The figure stepped forward. Not particularly tall, but not short. They had a … normal build. Looked very much like a person. Two arms. Two legs. That sort of thing. Yes, Bubblegum was still blinded but doing very well at this description thing.

“Great job, Princess,” hissed out a vaguely familiar voice. She’d heard this guy, but also like…. not that much either.

He clapped his hands. Sarcastically?! No wait. Very quickly. Very quietly. Gasp! A golf clap . She knew she was dealing with one sick fuck.

“I see you enjoyed the enrichment I gave you?”

“Enrich THIS!” Bubblegum screamed, leaping at the kidnapper with her subatomic laser. “Watch out for my subatomic laser move!!” She still squinted in the light but found that her attack bounced off like he was rubber and she was glue and whatever he said stuck back to you.

“Aww, you’re doin’ a great job, sweetie,” her attacker said genuinely. “If I was anyone else, you’d have definitely carved my heart out from my chest cavity!” His voice was oddly pleasant. It wasn’t tinged with madness like Ice King though.

Bubblegum decided that she would like to see better, so through the power of science and logic, she did. No longer viewing her attacker through an exciting lens that kept things unknown and people on their toes, she gasped as she recognized who it was.

“Hunson Abadeer!” Bubblegum cried, slightly dramatically.

“You can just call me dad,” he said with a friendly smile that defied his demonic eyes and mouth filled with daggers. “Or daddy!”

“Okay, weird, not gonna do that,” Bubblegum said. She was starting to wish this had been a more sinister kidnapping.

“You and Marcy are married!” Hunson said with open arms, his cheery demeanor as infectious as the plague. “You gotta call me dad, c’mon!” He laughed and winked at her. “You sure ain’t callin’ me for dinner!”

“We’re not married.”

At that, Hunson went still. A crinkle appeared on his unblemished suit and tie. He padded it down. “Marcy’s been lying to me, huh…” he mumbled. It sounded sadder than it did angry.

He cleared his throat.

“Well! That’s not a problem! In fact, that’s even better! You two livin’ in sin, and you’re gay! That’s like DOUBLE evil!” He nodded. “You should still call me dad.”

“We also don’t live together…”

“Urk!” Hunson’s claw tugged at the collar of his suit, his neck nearly bulging out. “Dang, things are looking more dire than I thought.”

Bubblegum honestly could not think of a more uncomfortable moment than she was currently in. “Look, Mr. Abadeer, sir ,” she practically hissed out that last one, but Hunson only liked how snake-like it sounded. “What is your endgame in all this? Why did you kidnap me? Why did you tie me up!?”

He snapped his fingers in a rapid rhythm at Bubblegum, proving to be way more annoying than she expected. “Thought you’d like it!”

“Oh, Glob…” she muttered, horrified.

“No, no,” he shook his head, still smiling as bright as a well-polished knife. “You’re always gettin’ kidnapped and gettin’ into trouble and whatever, right? I knew you’d love a chance to escape!”

Bubblegum furrowed her brow and started, “I…!” She failed. Dang it. She did kind of like escaping. She would not admit that right now. “Forget it. Where are we anyway?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

She sighed. It was, she just didn’t want her theory to be true.

Hunson Abadeer slid over to a classy rope by a giant curtain in his enormous dining room. With a flourish, he pulled the rope and the curtains wooshed open, revealing a monstrously large window which also revealed a monstrously large dimension.

“The Nightosphere!” He held his hands out wide, the screams of the darned suddenly blaring through the dining room. Must have been noise-canceling curtains. Eternal flames licked the bloody skies behind him, horrible spires attempting to escape this land reaching past her vision.

“This is so donked up,” Bubblegum said to herself.

Hunson craned his neck to her, bones audibly cracking as he did, a terribly inviting smile on his lips. “Right?! I knew you’d like it!”

“No, no, donked up is bad ,” Bubblegum explained.

“Exactly! And bad is good! ” He finger-gunned at her.

Bubblegum rolled her eyes. Bubblegum had met Hunson Abadeer very briefly once before, but couldn’t get a read on him. Marceline rarely talked about her dad, but when she did, it was never in a good light. Bubblegum had always been under the impression he was a bad dad, but maybe not an evil dad, but also he was evil and also not a very good dad either. But he was trying. Maybe.

“Fine,” Bubblegum said with a huff. “This is great then!” She smirked to herself, using his own logic against him.

Hunson blinked, his manic aura brightening ever so slightly . “Great! So you do love it!”

“No!! You just said bad is good, so I said…” Bubblegum groaned. “Forget it!” Arguing with this guy was not worth it. She was really starting to understand Marceline’s feelings towards him already. “ Why did you kidnap me then?!”

Hunson took a calm seat at the table, sipping a red liquid from it. “Let’s wait on talking about that. I want everyone to be here so I don’t have to explain it twice.” He smiled pleasantly, motioning for her to sit.

Bubblegum sighed. She took a seat and glared at her cup of tea. This could not be something she wanted. She hurled the contents over her shoulder and shot some root beer out of her palm into it. She sipped.

“Ha! Spunky!” Hunson winked. “I like your style!” He leaned forward and put his elbow on the table. “So anyway. Let’s talk. You’re marrying my daughter right?”

Guh! Bubblegum choked on her soda, burning her throat. “I–... Look, I don’t know? Maybe?”

“Sure you are! Hey,” he tapped his palm against the table. “Why don’t we have the marriage here? ”

“Uh, no, I’d–”

“That way you’ll still be living in sin, and I’ll make sure its a evil wedding! I know this one guy, Blar’thor the Unknowable, and he can whip you up a curse you wouldn’t believe. You’ll be cursed to be together forever! The most evil marriage you could have! Oh, and you don’t have to worry about decorating, I have plenty of blood!” He waggled his eyebrows. “Might just need a few souls for payment, y’know?”

“I don’t–”

“HA!” He slammed his fist down on the table, rattling the silverware and Bubblegum herself. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I know Marcy doesn’t like it when I suck up souls.” He looked left and looked right, as if Marceline could suddenly show up between them. “Just between you and me… what’s your take on souls? You, uh, you into ‘em?”

“I’d like to leave souls where they are, and–”

“Great!” He finger-gunned. “Listen, no need to ever bring that up again! Especially around Marcy! But if you ever get a hankering, I’m your guy! Your dad-guy! Ha!”

“Mr. Abadeer–”

“Call me Hunson. Or Dadson. Or Dad.”

“No.”

“Anyways, listen, we need to talk,” Hunson went on, talking over her at a speed that only a parental figure could.

“Were we not talking already…?”

Hunson ignored her. “So. I know you two are only just about to get married, but tell me.” He leaned in, a concerned look on his face. “What’s the grandkid situation look like?” He motioned vaguely with his hands. “Can you–like…” He made an awkward face, not sure how to word this or form it. “Can you two–like… do that?”

Oh Glob. Oh Grod. Oh Gob.

“To be clear,” Hunson went on, his awkward tone and motions continuing. “Making a grandkid. You know. Since you’re both girls. I just thought since you’re made of candy and she’s a vampire and a demon and all that, maybe you had a plan to like… make it happen? Because, listen, I want grandkids and I’m–”

Bubblegum’s ears started ringing. Ah. Yes. She was disassociating. Perfectly acceptable for what she was being forced to endure right now. She’d done this a few times with Ice King back in his early years, but she was finding she’d much prefer early Ice King than whatever this horrible torture was right now.

Keep dissociating. That’s right. Let’s just do that. Sip your soda and nod. This is your new Heck. It could be worse. Not by much, but it could be. Mmhmm. Yep. Who would have thought this man could be so pleasant, so polite, and torture her so intimately at the same time.

Something flashed in the corner of her eye. It was blurry. Near the top of the ceiling. Bubblegum wasn’t sure. Maybe she’d focus on that.

“ DAD! ” Marceline cried, her soothing voice awakening Bubblegum from her terrible trance. “Stop being weird! ”

And just like that, Bubblegum’s savior stood before her, handsome and beautiful, and more importantly, distracting Hunson. Her boots skidded across the tile as she appeared from the portal, axe gleaming in the fiery light of the sky, black hair blowing with a dark wind.

Finn landed on his face with a squish right behind Marceline, the Night Sword still drawn. Oh, that’d come in handy.

Hunson Abadeer blinked, processing this. Then his smile only brightened as he stood up, arms open and ready for an embrace. “Marcy! Sweetie! You made it!”

“What are you doing with her?!” Marceline shouted, hair bristling with rage.

“We were just havin’ a simple chat!” Hunson said, holding his hands up defensively, not sure why Marceline was so mad. “I didn’t even suck up her soul or anything!” He smirked and motioned mischievously towards her. “Although, I’d keep watch of her, she might have a bit of a taste for souls too, haha!”

“I do not! ” Bubblegum shouted. “Also hi, Marceline.”

“She does not!” Marceline repeated, frustrated. She turned and waved at Bubblegum before saying, “Hey Bonnie.” She turned back to Hunson. “Stop it, Dad!”

“Hey Peebs,” Finn waved, face still on the floor.

“Hey Finn.”

Before an argument could break out again, Bubblegum asked, “Hey, so, how long was I unconscious anyway? If Marceline and Finn are already here…”

“Ohh, only about a… less than a day.” Hunson waved it off. “Don’t worry, I bonked you real hard and then used my best drugs on you so you’d barely be hurt!”

Hm. That couldn’t be healthy.

“DAD!” Marceline screamed, holding her axe above her head and ready to swing it down on her father.

“What? What?? I knew you’d be upset so I made sure to use the good stuff! It’s all very safe!”

“That’s not… ugh!” Marceline dropped her axe to the tile with a strumming thud! “Why did you do this, Dad?”

“Sweetie, I can explain,” Hunson started, still holding his hands up in a defensive position. Clearly the weapon wasn’t what he was worried about.

“That would be what I’m asking you to do!!” Marceline shouted.

“Yeah, yeah! Listen.” Hunson fixed his pristine tie that was not in any way shape or form misaligned. “You don’t call much, you know? What’s a poor dad to do?”

Marceline growled, “Dad…” His guilt tactic didn’t seem to have much of an effect on her. That’d explain why it never worked often with Bubblegum either.

“Anyway, anyway!” Hunson cleared his throat. “So that goober with glasses summons me again, right? Nice guy, really like what he’s done with himself since I last saw him.”

“You mean Simon?” Marceline said with a knowing sigh.

“Yeah, yeah, Simon! Nice King or whatever. So get this,” Hunson said this part with excitement. “The guy summons me again! This time to get him a pizza!”

Marceline frowned, unimpressed. “Yeah, we already knew that. We just came from Simon’s and confronted him about it. He didn’t know what he was doing and just wanted something to eat.”

“I didn’t know that, though!” Bubblegum chimed in. “From my perspective, this is fresh!”

“Ugh, fine…”

Hunson gave Bubblegum a thumbs up and a wink. Not something she really wanted.

“So I says to him, I says,” Hunson went on. “‘Yeah, I’ll get your pizza no problem! Mind if I do a little errand on the way?’ and he says, ‘Sure, knock yourself out!’ and I laughed and said, ‘Haha, I’m planning on knocking someone else out!’” He paused, waiting for laughter.

No one laughed. Marceline simply rapped her fingers against her shoulder.

“Geez, tough crowd. That goober guy thought it was the funniest thing in the world.” Hunson continued. “So I snuck in the castle, grabbed Princess Bubblegum here, and brought her back to the Nightosphere! I gave that guy his pizza too, and I didn’t suck up a single soul!” 

He said this with an open and grand pride.

“Believe me, I wanted to suck up some souls though! Phew, those guys were lookin’ juicy! ”

“Ugh…” Marceline ugh’ed, something she already did a lot, but her ugh rate had increased exponentially with her father present. “Okay, but. Dad. Why? Why did you kidnap Bonnie? ”

Hunson Abadeer blinked at her, as if the answer was self-explanatory. When she and no one else in the room understood why, he said, “Huh? So you two could come live with your old man and rule the Nightosphere. Together! ”

“I already have a kingdom,” Bubblegum added.

Hunson raised an eyebrow at that. “But it’s such a dinky little kingdom! Here you’d have a whole dimension to rule! That’s a huge upgrade!”

“Rude, but okay,” Bubblegum grumbled, knowing Hunson wouldn’t respond to that.

“I already told you, Dad!” Marceline held her claws back from strangling her dad. “I don’t want to rule the Nightosphere!”

He frowned. Something like understanding briefly appeared as an expression but faded away with confusion. “But sweetie, I thought this Bubblegum girl of yours would want to since she’s already a ruler! It must mean you have a secret desire to rule, right?”

“No!” Marceline cried. “I like Bonnie because she’s Bonnie! I don’t even want to rule her stupid kingdom with her either!” She turned to Bubblegum. “No offense.”

Bubblegum nodded. “Some taken. But I’m with her on this. I don’t want to rule the Nightosphere either.”

This appeared to genuinely upset Hunson. “What? Really? But, c’mon… Look at this place.”

At this point, Finn had sat down at the table and drank whatever liquid was in the teacup. With a disgusted hiccup, he slowly drooled it out over his chin, gently placing the teacup back.

Outside the window, a giant writhing being made of flesh and blood screamed a maddening scream, blasting a spire with its eye lasers. Soon after, an enormous planet-sized hand appeared from the bloodied skies and squashed the creature like a fly. It gave a thumbs up to Hunson who promptly thumbs-upped back.

“See???” He motioned at the horrific scene like it was the most holy of evidence.

“Yeah, really not feeling it,” Bubblegum said.

“You know how I feel about the Nightosphere, Dad,” Marceline growled.

Hunson let out a deep, soul-exhaling, sigh. He sat down and rested his head against his hand, his usual smile replaced with sadness. “I know. I know, sweetie.” For once, he was silent and the only thing they could hear was the gentle screaming of the darned outside and Finn’s polite barfing. “I just… I wanted to see you again. I wanted to get to know this girl you loved.”

Marceline stayed angry, but it had clearly dampened. “You could have just asked!”

“I did, honey!” Hunson countered meekly. “You said you were married! But you wouldn’t come to meet me!”

Finally, something had broken through Marceline’s armor. Her rage had been replaced with a sheepish embarrassment. She must have felt Bubblegum’s piercing glare as well.

“I just…!” Marceline tilted her head back. “I wanted you off my back, all right?”

Finn coughed and burbled. “Sorry. Sorry about the barf thing while you’re doing this. I know it's emotional and dad stuff is tough. Blurgh.”

“It’s fine,” Marceline said.

“Am I really that much of a nuisance?” Hunson asked genuinely.

“Yes,” everyone replied at once.

Hunson let out a defeated sigh.

“Dad. You literally kidnapped Bonnie against her will. This is exactly the reason we don’t get along.”

“But! But my reasoning!” Hunson cried.

“Really not as good as you think it is,” Marceline replied.

“I’d just like to say,” Bubblegum interjected. “Ice King kidnapped me multiple times…”

“We’ll talk about that later,” Marceline said.

“Probably won’t…” Bubblegum pouted.

“Hey. Okay. Hey,” Hunson tried to bounce back, standing up straight. “Listen. How about this? Look. I’m sorry I kidnapped your girlfriend. Does that help?” He smiled cheerily.

“Not as much when you say it like that!” Marceline said.

He frowned. “I don’t get it. I do what you want, but it’s still not right.” He shook his head. “Must be some kinda generational difference.”

“Mmmrrrreh,” Marceline grumbled, dissatisfied. She really did not need to use her words to convey anything anymore.

“Okay, sorry! Sorry!” He held up his hands again. “Geez this is hard. How about this? Could you at least spend the night with your old dad? Have some dinner? Let me get to know your girlfriend?”

Marceline narrowed her eyes at the pleading demon king. The man was on his knees. Someone out there must have been astonished at the sight of the Lord of the Nightosphere kneeling before Marceline like this, but no one in this room was.

“Bonnie?” Marceline turned to her. “What do you think?”

Hunson’s puppy dog Cerberous eyes quickly turned to Bubblegum. His lower lip quivered. “Yeah, Bonnie, c’mon!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Seriously, don’t,” Marceline added, disgusted.

This did not stop the Lord of the Nightosphere from looking absolutely pathetic to Bubblegum. He stayed on his knees and clasped his rending claws together as he begged.

Dang it! Bubblegum truly did not know how to deal with these parental figures! She’d need to create some after this to get some practice against their guilt tactics.

“Fine…” Bubblegum admitted with a sigh.

“Yeehaw!!” Hunson cheered, leaping into the air, his monstrous form peeking out of his collar with pure joy. “I’ll go put some steak on the barbie! I got it fresh from C’thu’la’dagen’phron and you wouldn’t believe how well it tastes with this sauce I’ve got.”

Finn raised his hand. “Yeah, hey. Can I go, though, actually? Really not enjoying myself if I can be completely honest.”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Hunson waved him off. “Now that I know you’re not Marcie’s type, I’d really prefer if you never came near me or my property ever again.”

“Understood!” Finn saluted and jumped over the table. In a flash, he drew the ancient diagram of that funny smiley face, barfed something on it, and leaped through the portal home.

“Now let me whip up my daughters some grub!” Hunson waggled his eyebrows and slipped on an apron that said, ‘Kiss the Lord of the Nightosphere’ on it. “You two get yourselves comfortable!” He zoomed off somewhere and Bubblegum frankly did not care where.

With just the two of them left alone and the light murmur of screams in the background, the two girls let out a deep sigh that they must have been holding in. Marceline quickly closed the distance and embraced Bubblegum in a tight hug, her cool skin an oasis in this fiery dimension.

“Oh, Bonnie, I’m sorry for what my dad did to you…” Marceline quickly kissed her, sending sugary shivers down Bubblegum’s back.

Bubblegum kissed her back just as easily, tasting the desperation, the fear she must have been experiencing for the past day. “It’s okay, Marcy. It wasn’t that bad.”

“Don’t lie to me, girl,” Marceline said with a small smile.

Bubblegum couldn’t help but laugh into her soft hair. “Okay, it was absolutely terrible. But it’s not your fault. You’re not your dad.”

“Thank Glob.”

They remained wrapped around each other a little while longer. They tried to ignore the screams, the flames, the fact that their dad could pop in and make things awkward at literally any moment. Marceline nudged her head against Bubblegum’s. She nudged back. Their hair blended together, pink and black.

“I’m really glad you’re okay, Bonnie.”

“I’m tough, Marcie. You know that. I wish I didn’t have to worry you so much. I’ll have you know I’ve killed people before.”

“Yeah. That’s why I love you.”

“The murder? That’s why you love me? The murders I’ve committed?”

“It helps. Can’t lie.” Marceline stayed close to her but giggled into her lips. She eyed her surroundings. “Look where I am. Look at who I am. I can’t help it.”

Bubblegum couldn’t resist her. Another kiss. Maybe another. “That’s why I love you too.” She paused. “One of the reasons. I’m not that fond of murder.”

“Ehhhh, I think you enjoy it more than you let on,” Marceline teased. Her tongue slithered against Bubblegum’s cheek, forked and devilish. Before Bubblegum could object she said, “Hey. You wanna see my old room? Dad always keeps my stuff exactly how I left it.”

“Oh, Glob, I want to see your little baby room so much. Your little baby idiot room.”

“ You’re a baby idiot.”

Bubblegum and Marceline left the dining room together, Marceline floating away and holding her girlfriend bridal style. Dinner with their dad was awful and his cooking genuinely sucked, but somehow–it felt nice.

They were together. That was all that mattered.