Chapter Text
The soft breeze of night gently brushed its fingers through her snow-white hair. The cold night couldn’t match the coldness of the moon, but the similarities brought unexpected comfort. The thought brought even more disquiet to her already troubled mind. There she sat, legs dangling over the edge of the roof. Kiana absentmindedly tracked the presence slowly trekking up the stairwell to the roof entrance behind her. However, her gaze remained fixed on the twinkling city lights glistening a couple kilometers from St. Freya. The clanking of the worn metal door to the roof made the approaching figure’s presence known as booted feet clacked against the concrete and allowed the door to slam closed. Kiana remained silent as the familiar diminutive figure stepped up onto the raised rim of the roof and joined her where she sat.
“I’m sorry.” Kiana’s voice came out a hoarse whisper, hardly befitting her usual boisterousness.
“You really need to learn to stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.” Theresa chuckled humorlessly.
“But I-” Kiana bit back her words, the tears she fought back evident in the wavering of her voice.
“Kiana…” Theresa’s voice softened. “It’s obvious you have no idea what happened.” She laid a caring hand on her niece’s shoulder, wanting to let her presence add further weight to her words. The instant, almost visceral way Kiana flinched away from her touch and covered the bare skin of her shoulder with a hand halted Theresa in her tracks. Not to be deterred from comforting her niece she allowed her hand to fall to the roof and continued, despite the worry eating at her heart. “I know how you are, something bad happens and you shoulder the blame whether you actually need to or not because you feel you should be able to help. It’ll all keep piling up until it finally burns you out. You got a lot better about it leading up to your time on the moon, but now it seems you’re slipping back into your old habits.”
Her words finally drew Kiana’s gaze away from the city. Her reddened eyes and tear streaked cheeks finally brought into full view as she turned her eyes to her Aunt. “But I should know Theresa!” She couldn’t hide the frustration and anger seeping into her voice. “I’m the fucking Herrscher of Finality, I should know what I did-” She bit back a sob, “What I did to Mei! But I don’t! I don’t know how she made a connection to me like that! And the fucking Cocoon won’t answer me either!” She slammed her fist against the lip they were seated on and Theresa winced at the rough crack of concrete shattering to pieces.
The moment she caught Theresa’s reaction in the corner of her eye all the anger seemed to drain from Kiana’s body until she simply appeared as a pale, frightened girl. “I-I’m sorry, Auntie… I don't know what's come over me lately…" She took in a shuddering breath. "I've felt so lost so… disconnected ever since coming back from the moon. I see you all changed and living your new lives and I can't help but wonder… if I really have a place here anymore."
Theresea looked up, sympathy for her beloved niece shimmering in her eyes. “Kiana… I know you carry a heavy burden as the Herrscher of Finality, but please don’t forget that you’re not alone. We’re all here for you, even when we’re thousands of miles away. We’ll do anything we can to help you figure this out, alright? Don't make yourself suffer alone. You will always have a place with us, Kiana Kaslana. We’re your family.”
Kiana looked away, hesitation clear on her face. The sight of the crumbled wall where her fist had struck in her frustration twisted her gut. After a moment she managed to tear her gaze back to Theresa and she slowly nodded. Theresa knew this wasn't the last time she would hear of these worries, but she would take small victories as they came.
“Would you like to check on Mei again?”
“Yeah.” She croaked out.
“Do you want Bianka and I to stay with you?”
She nodded. “Please. And… thank you… Auntie Theresa.”
For the first time today, Theresa felt her smile finally reach her eyes.
Kiana’s steps clacked confidently down the hall of St. Freya’s hospital wing, even as her emotions warred within. One of her hands absentmindedly petted one of the Honkai wings at her side. The construct of pure honkai nuzzled into her touch like a loyal pet. The steady rap of her boots against the tiled floor faltered as she approached the door to Mei’s medical room. Bianka stood nearby like a sentry, her form perfect and her eyes alert. Theresa said nothing, instead raising her hand to rub gentle circles against Kiana’s back.
Kiana tensed, "Please don't touch me, Auntie…" She asked with a strained whisper.
Theresa snatched her hand back to her side as quick as lightning. "Sorry."
Kiana nodded her thanks before approaching her sister.
“Kiana.” Bianka greeted softly. “Before you go back in, I need to tell you we’ve got some visitors.”
Kiana started in surprise. Had she really been so distracted as to not notice? Now that she gave it attention, she could indeed feel the presence of more than just Mei in the room beyond. And they felt incredibly familiar. “Is that… Bronya? And.. Fu Hua?” She looked up at her sister with eyes brimming with hope.
Bianka smiled, “They got back after you went up to the roof a few hours ago. I told them to sleep, but they wanted to be here for you whenever you came back.”
Taking a deep breath, Kiana pushed open the door and stepped through. The rustling of cloth greeted them as the other occupants of the room quickly rose to their feet.
Bronya opened her mouth to speak but paused as Kiana darted towards her until she abruptly halted her advance merely a meter away. The girl’s arms moved like they were opening for a hug but hesitated a moment later, Kiana choosing to hug her arms against her chest instead. Bronya frowned. Even if she hadn’t already been worried, seeing the usually very touchy and excitable Kiana appear before her like this would have set off alarm bells like nothing else. Bronya gently held her hand out, palm up. “Kiana?”
Kiana’s dulled, reddened eyes stared at her best friend’s offer for a moment before she took a deep breath and let her arms fall to her sides. Her chest expanded and contracted with several deep breaths and her mouth moved as she silently counted a few seconds. Upon opening them they had cleared of any signs of her emotional turmoil, once again brightened with the soft glow of a Herrscher’s power.
“I’m sorry Bronya, I just…”
She glanced to her hand again and her whole body tensed. Hesitantly, her own reached out. Time seemed to stretch on for eternity for the gray-eyed woman as her friend’s fingers slowly laid themselves upon her own. Kiana visibly slumped in relief as if expecting something to have happened. No one dared to break the silence after her words. At least until a quiet sniffling broke the tension that had settled over all present. A tear sparkled in the fluorescent light as it trailed wetness down the pale-haired woman’s cheek.
“When this all happened-” Kiana paused, her throat bobbing as she swallowed thickly. “Everything was fine until Mei touched me… I guess it… affected me more than I thought.” Kiana looked away from their joined hands, ashamed.
Bronya squeezed the hand that still lay in her grip, her gaze emotionless as usual even as Kiana sensed the wroiling emotions hidden beneath. Bronya allowed herself a small smile. “Well we’re touching and I’m still fine. I must be immune.”
“Heh.” Kiana laughed softly. Her smile didn’t last long, but she did return Bronya’s squeeze of her hand.
Bronya tilted her head questioningly. “May I hug you, Kiana?”
“I-” Kiana paused. That fear still lingered over her mind like a fog. A thick, dark cloud that made her want to shy away from the offer. From her best friend. From touch . But when Bronya squeezed her hand in that gentle, caring way she reserved for her loved ones, her mind felt just a little clearer. A little more comfort settled in her tense body seeing that her friend remained safe and sound. And just a little more of that terrible fog was shaken off. The words haltingly, but eventually, tumbled from her lips. “I… yes please, Bronya…”
Kiana stumbled a bit as her best friend stepped forward and enveloped her in an embrace. Arms wrapped tightly around her and Bronya tangled her fingers in messy, dirtied white hair, gripping her tightly as if she was afraid the woman might disappear like the morning fog on a sunny day. Bronya trembled slightly as she took in a sharp breath. Where Bronya was struck by the smell of sweat and dirt and the faded scent of Kiana's shampoo, Kiana took comfort in the familiar scents of gun oil, grease, and lavender. Of course, the lavender was courtesy of Seele. Something Bronya had kept up ever since her wife had gifted her the perfume. Kiana slowly, but surely, wrapped her own arms around the woman and returned Bronya’s near desperate embrace.
"See? I’m safe" Bronya’s voice was muffled, the woman having not removed her head from where it was buried into the crook of Kiana’s neck. "We love you, and we’re here for you, Kiana. Just maybe let me know in advance next time you decide to give us a visit, yeah? That way I can prepare a proper welcome for my idiotka best friend."
Kiana released a short, weak laugh. Patting Bronya’s hair, she gave the girl a strained smile. "It wasn't exactly… planned." Her gaze tracked from Bronya’s reddening eyes to the woman on the bed next to them, her voice and smile falling along with it. "None of this was…"
Bronya hesitantly released Kiana from the hug and gestured to the room’s other conscious occupants. "Bianka filled us in on everything that's happened." Her eyes shifted to Hua's red-eyed twin. "Senti kinda just… showed up at some point."
"I could sense I was needed!" Senti said.
“Ah…” Kiana shot them a wavering grin. “No wonder I thought I felt Fu Hua in two places at once.”
“Hey!” Senti frowned and put her hands on her hips, “Don’t make me regret letting the Old Timer drag me here!”
"Hua…" The sudden shift to another longtime companion of hers brought with it another rush of emotion. Kiana's voice wavered and she fought against the tears once again welling in her eyes. How pathetic must it be, to see the Herrscher of Finality crying like an overly emotional teenager? Fu Hua made her way around the hospital bed between them, stopping just out of arm’s reach and holding her hand out in greeting. Kiana’s eyes darted between the soft expression on Fu Hua’s face and the open hand extended to her. She swallowed and took another deep breath, obviously steeling herself. Tentatively, she reached out and placed her hand in Hua’s own.
There was a stillness, Hua ready to let Kiana approach this at her own pace. The next moment, Hua let out a startled yelp as Kiana gripped her hand and yanked the ancient warrior into a tight embrace. She had the smell of the wilderness about her. The scents of grasses and soil and woodfire smoke all blended together as Kiana took a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm sorry this is how we're all meeting again."
"Kiana, you know you have no need to apologize." Fu Hua admonished softly.
"Sorry- er I mean, you're right I just…" she pulled away and moved to Mei's bedside. Her hand reached towards Mei's own. But she hesitated, and soon let her hand fall back to her side. "I can't help but feel responsible even if I don't understand what happened. Everything was fine until she touched me… I um-" Kiana grimaced. “I’m sorry, Auntie.” She turned towards Theresa, trying to ignore Bianka watching curiously behind the diminutive woman. “I know I probably hurt your feelings with how I reacted earlier. I- I was afraid any prolonged contact with me might also have… an adverse effect on others.”
Theresa sighed, her face lighting up in a wry smile. “I will admit it stung in the moment, yes.” She shrugged. “But I might understand a bit more than you might think. Before I figured out exactly how my Vishnu powers worked and all I knew was I could consume to gain power, I was also afraid that my mere touch might bring people harm.”
Kiana’s eyes lit up in understanding. “I… do still kinda internally panic a bit at getting touched right now, but as long as I know it’s coming…”
Bianka nodded. “Of course, Kiana. It’s the least we can do to respect your wishes in this matter.”
Kiana groaned. “Sis, you’re getting all formal again.” A small smile flashed across her face. “But thank you.”
The rustle of cloth pulled her gaze back to the other side of the room. Hua rushed back around the bed and slid her arms around a shaky Senti as she sank back into her chair. The usual bluster and arrogant self-assuredness the Herrscher always projected seemed to have disappeared into thin air.
“Senti?” Kiana’s brow tightened with worry.
Senti sighed. "While you were out I tried to look into Mei’s memories to see if I could figure out what was wrong, because if anyone could figure out what’s up with her head it’s me! But…” Senti held up her palm in front of her. She stared at her hand like it was a stranger, the limb shaking nearly uncontrollably. “I guess it’s finally catching up with me. It was…” She ran her shaking hand through her hair. The strands fell limply back down, even her hair seeming to have lost its usual luster. “Fuck, I don’t even know how to describe it. It was- It CAN’T be described.” She looked at Mei. “I’ll be honest-”
“Senti.” Fu Hua warned.
“Shut it, Old Timer.” Senti snapped. “I’m honestly surprised the woman is still alive, whatever happened is doing a real number on her head and it’s… not normal.”
Kiana stumbled away from Mei like she had been struck across the face. She would have tumbled over one of the other chairs if not for the steady arm of Bianka sliding behind her back. However, it had the opposite effect than what Bianka had hoped for. Kiana immediately jumped away and retreated from her sister until her back slammed against the nearby wall. The pain didn’t seem to phase Kiana in the slightest.
“Don’t touch me!”
Bianka halted her attempt to reach for her sister, her face creased with concern. “I’m sorry Kiana, I wasn’t trying to-”
“N-no, I’m sorry Dudu, I just-” Kiana hugged her arms to herself and shuddered. “I’m sorry.”
Fu Hua’s focused gaze returned to Mei. “Kiana…” Hua waited as Kiana steadied her breathing for a few seconds and eventually nodded at her to continue. “If even Senti can’t help, I’m afraid it will fall to you to bring Mei back to us. We’ll try to find some way to support you however we can, but we can’t risk letting Senti attempt to enter Mei’s sentience again.”
“What? Fuck that!” Senti attempted to shoot out of her chair only for Hua’s glare to halt her in her tracks and make the former Herrscher begrudgingly fall back on her chair. “I could help Kiana.” She pouted.
Theresa hummed in sympathy. “We just don’t want to lose you, Senti.”
“No,” Kiana began. “They’re right Senti. I caused this mess and I’ll fix it. I will never abandon Mei.”
“Ugh…” Senti scoffed but stayed seated regardless.
Her steps were hesitant. Unsure. But Kiana slowly forged onward back to Mei’s bedside. The beeping of the heart monitor seemed to the Herrscher like the slow ticking down of a timer. She had wasted enough time. A fearful hand slowly reached out towards the still, pale cheeks of the woman before her. She once again hesitated before getting close enough to touch skin, her hand settling on the pillow beside her head instead. Her chest rose and fell as she steadied her breath and she tuned out the sounds of the room as her friends and family repositioned themselves for the wait. A steady rise of Honkai energy filled the room, blanketing the two lovers as Kiana focused her powers once again. Her perception of the room around her gradually began fading away as she pushed her consciousness outwards. Down into the woman before her.
Down
Down
Down
Until all her world was overcome with darkness.
After Senti’s warning, Kiana had expected to be assaulted by impossibly strong imaginary energy, or some kind of mental attack the moment she entered Mei’s consciousness. However as she “stood” within her wife’s mind-space she felt… nothing? She was merely blinded by the white, blank space she found herself in. Kiana frowned. She should at least feel the pulses and ebbs and flows that were a human mind at work. “Mei?” Her voice echoed through the white void. Silence reigned once more. Until something answered her back.
“We finally meet again, you silver-haired weakness of mine.”
The voice was weak, deeper than she was used to, and sounded rather… relieved. Kiana turned slowly, as if afraid any sudden movement might cause the figure to evaporate like so much smoke. No more than two meters behind her knelt a figure with a familiar head of long, dark purple hair crowned by crimson horns. It was Mei. But it wasn’t Mei. Mei had not held the form of the Herrscher of Thunder for nearly a decade now. Then in the blink of an eye she changed. That same head of beautiful hair was now held up in a ponytail. Her body was now clad in a white suit of armor over a black bodysuit. A horned helm hung off her waist and an elegantly crafted half-skirt spread out behind her where she knelt. Her form however… As Kiana looked closer she could see strange patterns writhing across her skin. Patches of her, armor and all, seemed to fade in and out of existence at random. She blinked, and again the figure had changed. Adorned in the red and black uniform Mei had worn for formal events or urban missions at St. Freya. Another blink, and it was back to the Herrscher of Thunder. She could sense the tightly controlled flow of imaginary energy rushing through the figure and forming the boundaries of the space they were in.
Then, as if it had been obvious all along, Kiana knew the figure in front of her like an old friend. “Is that you, Thunder? Or, uh… Mei’s Will of Stigma, I guess I should say?”
“I have been dormant ever since she accepted the mantle of Herrscher of Thunder. Did she tell you?”
“Yes, but I also have… a few new tricks. I don’t mean to sound rude but, why are you here?”
The Raiden Will of Stigma scoffed softly. “As direct as ever I see.” She moved only just enough for Kiana to know she was glaring. “The Raiden Clan’s Stigma is… defective. While we existed simultaneously when she had only partially awakened as a Herrscher, that was because I had been awakened. You surely know the Gem of Conquest was implanted in her to counteract the fact her body was not strong enough to withstand such a mutated awakened stigma, correct? Without me she very well may have been a full fledged Herrscher the moment she awakened.”
Kiana nodded before remembering the Will of Stigma couldn’t see her. “Yeah, we’ve talked about it. We also figured out how Herrschers and Stigma Awakened interact when in close proximity. The Yin to our Yang, if you will.”
The Will of Stigma nodded. “Yes, a more stable spatial existence that counteracts the chaos of a Herrscher Core’s singularity. I was able to piece it together from Mei’s memories. What little I could access safely, at least.”
“Do you know what’s wrong with Mei?” Kiana’s urgency began to bleed into her voice.
“I’m getting to that, control yourself.” The Stigma huffed. “Now that she no longer has the powers of a Herrscher, and thanks to the changes wrought to her body because of the core, I can safely awaken without killing her or placing incredible strain on her body and mind. Like I was all those years ago. I also won’t negatively impact her abilities since with no Herrscher core, there will be no overstabilization effect causing her undue stress. Whatever happened yesterday overloaded her mind with Imaginary energy the likes of which I have never felt before in my existence. I awoke purely because I could feel this energy beginning to tear her mind apart. If I had not intervened she might not have lasted long enough to even fall unconscious.”
Kiana slowly walked in an arc around the kneeling woman as she talked until she stood in front of her. “I- I see…” She grimaced. “Please… I don’t know what I did to Mei. You’ve been here this long, if you know something you have to help me.” she pleaded.
The Will of Stigma looked up so she could finally take in the form of the white-haired girl. The girl looked so different from when the stigma form had last seen her. Her steps held an unfamiliar uncertainty to them. Her shoulders hunched down like a woman straining under too heavy a burden. Those beautiful cerulean eyes, now paired with the pink stars of finality in her irises, were red from tears. Her brows were drawn down in a pitiful look of uncertainty, fear, and desperation. "Who is this wreck in front of me?" The Will of Stigma accused. "She certainly isn't the Kiana Kaslana I know. The Kiana I know would have come here determined to do anything to save the woman she loves. Yet before me all I see is a broken woman unsure of the very breaths she takes."
Kiana reared back in shock. "Hey, what the hell's your problem?!"
"I have no problem with Kiana Kaslana. Only the trembling little girl in front of me."
Kiana grit her teeth. "Yes, I'm scared! How couldn't I be? I might have a good grasp on the powers of Finality I've been testing the last eight years, but I have a long way to go before I discover their full extent or even their limits! I thought I killed Mei and didn't even know how! I still don't! For all I know it could take me another eight years to figure it out!"
"So you'll just break under the pressure and run away, is that it? The mighty savior of humanity." The Will of Stigma mocked.
Kiana's hands tightened into fists. "I am not breaking! And I certainly won't stand by and let Mei suffer when I know there's gotta be something I could do to help! But that doesn't make me any less scared! What if this happens to her again in the future?! Or someone else?! Am I that much of a danger to humans now that my mere presence is harmful?"
"You worry about the future so much for someone that can supposedly control the flow of time. Maybe you should have let Kevin sacrifice humanity after all if this is all it takes to send you into a downward spiral, oh great and powerful Moon Goddess. Are you a Goddess? Or merely an idol plucked from the earth to give the people false hope?” The Stigma watched as Kiana’s face lit up in vivid anger, her fists balling so tightly her nails drew blood. “Just another human lying to the world and saying you’re here to help while you can’t even save those who mean most to you?"
“ENOUGH!” Kiana made a slashing motion in front of her in emphasis. As she threw her hand to the side the whole space shook with the power that blasted forth from the woman. The Will of Stigma remained unmoving even as the sudden torrent of Honkai Energy threatened to wash away what little of her remained. Her eyes seemed to lock onto something to Kiana’s right but the riled woman failed to notice. “Are you trying to make me angry?! What’s the point?! Getting angry won’t help Mei! You’re right, I’m not the Goddess people think I am! I don’t want to be! I want to be human like everyone else, but every day it seems like I become more and more distant from everything I’m fighting for! Is that what you want to hear? That I’m some inhuman thing that could destroy the world and reset everything and destroy it again with barely a lift of my finger?”
“And that right there is the problem, my dear Kaslana.”
“What?” Kiana snapped.
“Your humanity and Godhood are not necessarily mutually exclusive, girl. The Cocoon wants you to embrace humanity, after all. However they are not the same either. What Mei needs right now isn’t Kiana, the human. She needs Kiana, the unstoppable Moon Goddess. The Herrscher of Finality. The first to embrace the Cocoon. The woman who can tear open pathways into imaginary spaces human minds simply cannot fathom like reality itself was made of paper. Kiana the Goddess will be her savior. Kiana the Human will be the comfort that brings her home. It is time for you to stop wallowing in despair and self-pity and realize that you do not need to be one or the other, for often you will find people in need of both.”
Kiana’s fists still shook, but those multicolored eyes darted around as if searching for an answer hidden in the white space. The unimaginable power radiating from the girl did not cease, but the fury slowly drained from her features. The embers of her fury still simmered in her eyes but her mind was clear.
“This energy infusing Raiden Mei’s mind is strange. Powerful. Incomprehensible. I have seen Mei has experience escaping the restraints of a mindspace. If her consciousness was truly still here, or it was that simple, I am confident she would have woken up already. So my only question now is this; what did you do?”
Kiana wracked her mind for everything that had happened yesterday. The Will of Stigma’s analytic gaze remained locked on the Herrscher, watching as her multicolored eyes darted back and forth as the Kaslana searched for an answer. Everything had been fine until…
Kiana froze. A feeling like the feather-light tickling touch of a water droplet sliding down her skin sent a shudder up her spine. She had unconsciously begun absorbing Imaginary Energy and it was… well, re-energizing her. But from where? Her head snapped to either side, eyes darting to and fro in a focused search for the energy’s source. Following her instincts, she turned to her right. The source immediately became clear to the Herrscher. A few meters away from her, the air itself was cracked like broken glass. In the center of this pattern in the air there was a hole no more than the size of her fingernail. Behind it was a roiling, writhing sea of pure energy that was now leaking into the white space. And with it…
Kiana bared her teeth in a silent growl and marched towards the tear in dimensions. A familiar, comforting warmth nudged at the edge of her senses. It smelled of spices, felt like a warm embrace, she could hear a whispered laugh and the boiling of water, in the corner of her vision fluttered strands of lovely purple hair. Suddenly the power filling the space abruptly rushed back into the woman with all the force of an imploding star. The Will of Stigma found herself barely holding on to her own energy, fighting to prevent herself from being pulled in along with it so great was this force. The Kaslana formed her fingers into a claw and shoved them forward. More cracks appeared in the air around the hole as her fingers seemed to pierce the fabric of reality itself. Those same fingers flexed as the woman jerked her arm to the side and with a sound like shattering glass, the hole was ripped asunder into a massive tear howling unfathomably powerful energy. The same power that had nearly swept the Will of Stigma up with it now exploded outwards once more. However, this time it carried a sense of purpose. It blanketed the area, pushing back against the far reaches of terrible dimensions, keeping them at bay on the other side of the tear and releasing the Will of Stigma from her burden. The form collapsed to the ground, the patterns and patches writhing and fading in and out of existence slowly returned to their original forms. And thus, she was whole again, if severely weakened. Not for the first time, the Will of Stigma stared at the Kaslana with incredulous wonder.
As if sensing her gaze, Kiana looked back. Her eyes flared to life with an otherworldly fire and for the first time in her life, the Will of Stigma felt… small. Insignificant. The fierceness in those eyes not just matched but exceeded her own, and the faintest thought that perhaps she had been wrong in her accusations flashed through the back of her mind.
Oblivious to her internal ponderings, Kiana nodded to her. She only said one thing: “I’m bringing Mei home.” before she stepped into the maelstrom beyond reality. A sound like a violent wind rushing past her ears rumbled through the space as the break in reality left in Kiana’s wake put itself back together and vanished without a trace.
Kiana was gone, and the Will of Stigma allowed herself to fade back into slumber with a pleased smile.