Sunset ^beta

Sparks. That's what I need, sparks. Fun, the grand romance, the grand adventure, that's what I'm looking for. Hey, I've guarded a summoner, helped save the world twice. Twice! Don't tell me that grand legendary adventures don't exist, because I've been on them. And I've seen others with a grand romance. So, why not me?

Him, Yunie's Him, and Yunie. They were supposed to be separated forever. He's a dream, everybody. A dream. When he faded, like dreams did when Sin was still around, I cried too. He was a great friend, and he cared the most about Yunie. At least he was the only other one who actually tried to save Yunie's life, unlike the rest of them who cared about Yunie but wanted her to defeat Sin, no matter what the cost. I guess... if Yunie were to be with anyone else, he would be my choice.

So, why did I actually show her that sphere of mystery boy who looked like Him? Well, what else was I to do? I loved her, and I wanted to be with her, even if it wasn't in the romantic sense. She would have just lived on Besaid for the rest of her days, not really content, but satisfied. Or is it the other way around: content but not really satisfied? Either way, she wasn't happy, and the sphere gave her something to hunt for. She even says it now, to Him, "It all started when I saw this sphere of you." I made her happy. Me. Rikku. It doesn't mean much, but I'm happy that I could give her some sort of joy in those two years since beating Sin. Well, okay, maybe I hoped that enough time would pass that she would forget Him, star player of the Zanarkand Abes and find someone under her nose who cared for her just as much.

And no, it wasn't Brother. Though it's sad that his pining was so much more obvious than mine was. I guess it's even sadder that he and I were both rivals for the same impossible woman. Hmmph, well at least I got more time with her than he did. She, what, comforted him once? Was kinda nice to him? I was her guardian, a fellow Gullwing (and one of the ones that actually did work, thank you very much). We've embraced, and I've even had the guts to confess my love to her. So what if they were platonic words? At least I confessed my love. Ahh... Sibling rivalry, isn't it grand? I wonder what pops would think... The thought amuses me enough to actually seriously consider letting out my little secret and Brother's little secret. He would have a conniption. Con-nip-tion.

But He is back, and therefore, I can't have Yunie. Remember, he was as much a friend of mine as he was a friend of Yunie's or Wakka' or Lulu's or any one of the other guardians. He and Yunie have the grand romance. He loves her, she loves him, and no one who was on the deck of the airship when he disappeared could deny that. His resolve saved her life, her love brought him back. The bond between those two are manacles, and I couldn't break them. Not without stooping to levels lower than the Farplane. I might not get to be the great heroine, but there is no way I'm going to be the mean and nasty romantic rival. Sorry, not my shtick.

I want Yunie, I love Yunie, but I can't have Yunie. And since I'm really not the type to dwell on things once they've happened, I've moved on. Until someone tells me otherwise. So don't tell me otherwise.

Sigh... And Gippal. How's that for an interesting first love? The brash, arrogant youth wreaking havoc in the halls of Home. We were a young love, kind of like those play relationships people had as a kid. But it grew really serious, you know. Like before he left for the Crimson Squad and I started salvaging ships, we were starting to get it together more than the normal fourteen and fifteen year olds. Sometimes we even talked about a future, although I didn't like him going off with Yevon. Nothing against them, but they were really nasty against us Al Bhed during those days. But I understood the need to protect people from Sin.

Going out and intending to become Yunie's guardian disturbed him though. And I guess that's when we started fighting in our letters to each other. Rin really had a time of it, acting as our go-between. If we weren't paying him so much, he probably would have refused after the first few times. Gil is gil though, and we were certainly paying him enough to repair any minor damage we might have caused to the Travel Agencies.

Actually, maybe it was him going through a hard time in his life. I know a lot more now, what with discovering Paine's past and his time away with the Crimson Squad before he returned home. He must have really come to resent Yevon and its summoners, really, really. Or maybe he just wasn't in the mood to be with anyone. I understand that. During my first journey with Yunie and a bit after even, I didn't want to be with anyone. Maybe Yunie... but not like together, together. Not like girlfriends. Life needed sorting first, like piles of dresspheres. Anyway Gippal and I finally broke up around... well, we were traveling through the Calm Lands, and the person at the Travel Agency had his last letter. No hard feelings, we were both too freedom loving for that. Just more "Let's be friends." And I was relieved.

And meeting him again at Djose... wow... he sure grew up. Too much if anyone asks me. Since when have I only been 'Cid's girl,' and not 'Rikku' or 'gorgeous' or one of those silly nicknames he comes up with quicker than a chocobo digs up treasure? But he still wrestled with me, and it was so not awkward, at least not between him and me. The friendliness, the lack of serious tension almost made me wonder if what had been latent these past two years could grow back into a spark. Yes, I said lack of tension. Contrary to popular belief, not every relationship has to have enough sexual tension to keep two people at each other's throat. Gippal and I played more than we ever fought, and it was the easy-goingness that made our relationship work in the past.

Big secret confession time. It was maybe a month ago that I decided to go to Djose, as a side trip. Take some kindling to the little embers that remained of me and Gippal and see if well... anything ignited. A weekend of doing Al Bhed things, such as tinkering with machina, coupled with just being alone together talking about anything and everything. Sure, stuff happened, though I'm not sure how much of a spark there was. We were just poking at ashes to see if some flame remained hidden.

I'll spare the sordid details. But for the curious, if humans were machina, we definitely went past the research stage and into application. And that, accompanied by a smug little smile, is all that I'll say about that little weekend of tinkering.

However, upon returning... the sparks were gone. There was something in the past, sure, but it hadn't carried over into the present. He didn't send my heart racing or my blood pounding like he used to when I was younger. Not how I remembered and described it to Yunie and I. We were close, but no longer connected. Or is it the other way around? I really don't know, and I don't really care. He and I, we're buddy-buddies, but not a single drop more. And it's better that way, he is much more fun as just a friend, and let's face it, we'd both probably hold the other back.

Which leads me to a very interesting little development: Paine. We've fooled around once or twice, though neither of us were very serious about. Just a little game to pass the time, and that's what helps maintains our friendship without it disintegrating into jealousy. Paine and I... now that is an interesting mixture of personalities. She gets so down sometimes, if you know what I mean, but she's so stable, and just... well she's cool in that friend-type way.

And mystery. She's got plenty of that. Even with that whole Crimson Squad dealie out of the way, she still keeps plenty of things inside. So much that it's always going to be a fun challenge to squeeze the latest juicy gossip out of her. If sparks come from keeping someone guessing, well then Paine is a real fire starter for me.

What am I thinking? We've been together a grand total of once. Sure, it was good fun, and she made such a lovely, lovely heater during the middle of the Great Spiran Blizzard, but neither of thought of ever extending our run together. But I can't help thinking about it sometimes. We still fly on the Celsius together, and our beds are right next to each other. How easy it would be to just crawl into hers, and how hard it is to refrain from doing so.

Since Shinra left the Gullwings, she's taken his place on the computer. For a non-Al Bhed, she's really good with the tech stuff, not as good as Gippal or Buddy or the Al Bhed experts but good enough to work the box, unlike me who was much more for tinkering than computers. I can make armor do cool things still, but I still make computers emit green smoke whenever I use them. And yes, I literally mean green smoke. It's possible, trust me, it is so possible. How hard is for me to just stand there over her shoulders and pretend that I'm not thinking about us being together.

Of course, she never notices. And I really annoy her still. So what if I don my songstress dress sphere while she's trying to practice sword technique. She's plenty good with her blade, it's not like she really needs the practice. What she really needs to do is stop focusing on that sword and realize that those love songs I sing in her presence could be for her. I'm not exactly Lenne, but I know that my voice isn't painfully bad.

***

Actually, now she's on the deck again, looking out into the sky. She's not fighting and I'm not singing, so we're not at each others throats. Now we're not much of anything, I'm still enough to be uncomfortable as I fidget with the fringes of my scarf. We cast funny glances at each other and look away. I blush, she doesn't. Paine never blushes. The only way you can tell if she's embarrassed, is when she stomps around. And stomping is her reaction to anger, fear, sadness, she doesn't cry, she just stomps around in those big black boots of hers and causes the floors on the deck to rattle.

She's not stomping now. She's just looking at me, maybe thinking about what happened that time. Maybe she's trying to get the memory out of her head, and it's haunting her like pyreflies. I study her in contemplation. Dark, with a sort of kick-ass beauty that's been compelling me lately.

"Got a staring problem?" She asks me, as she approaches my spot on the deck. Her standing form towers over my sitting one, and her shadow looms over me as if she were trying to intimidate me. I know what to do, though.

I jump to my feet, put one hand on my hip and point a finger on that pointed nose of hers in a scripted event. "You bet I do!" I say proudly, smiling so hard that I feel my face split. Like always, her cold look hardens into a glare, until my hands leave their usual spot and I hug her loosely.

According to our script, she should squirm out of my arms or start threatening me, but this time she doesn't. She pulls me into an embrace, her hands resting at my waist. She stares at me, with those red eyes of hers. They're not normal, I'm telling you. No one has red eyes, not Al Bhed, not Yevonites, not Guado, not Ronso. Just Paine. And I, with my staring problem, give it right back to her.

I have no clue when I'm expecting out of this. Stories talk about the heart pounding and heat rushing through veins, and I've experienced that feeling before when looking at Gippal or Yuna. This is different though. The blood doesn't seem to pound as much and the heat doesn't seem that hot, but the cold air rushing at us while the airship cuts through the sky is suddenly warm, and time stops as we wait for one of us to make the next move. It's not a flame, just a spark.

Wondering if I should close the distance between us, I bite my lip, and Paine smirks at me slightly. I can't be that easy to read, can I? Maybe I can be, but she doesn't have to be so smug about it. The sparks linger between us for a few more seconds, before I, in my impatience, or nervousness, finally speak.

"What?" I ask, shattering the silence and the tension with one ill-placed word. Courage fails me
again. What good is being the spunky, peppy one, if I can't even initiate a kiss or anything like that? The smirk widens, and Paine bends her face down to mine. Tension is born anew, although this time it's only a matter of seconds before it's relieved with a very soft, oh so brief, kiss.

When she pulls away, after maybe two seconds of contact, she withdraws completely, and all traces of a smirk are gone from the face. No, it's been replaced by something much rarer: a genuine smile. A genuine Paine smile! And it's everything I can I do to prevent myself from dancing.

"You know," she says, replacing her smile with a serious facade and pacing around in circles as if the last five seconds never happened, "If you want something, you should just ask for it." She ends her statement by leaving the deck and leaving me with no clue what she means or what to do. There's no stomping going on, and absolutely nothing about her demeanor indicates that she's hurt, or sad, or anything like that.

The only thing she leaves me with is that statement: "If want something, you should just ask for it." Look, I'm a thief by nature. I don't ask; I steal, I swindle. Asking... just blah. Asking is for the terminally well mannered and those who don't have the guts to take what's rightfully theirs. And that leads me to the question. Do I really have the guts to take what's rightfully mine when it comes to whatever this feeling is? Love? Lust? Romance? Friendship with 'benefits'? Nope, not really. And I think I might be desperate enough to actually ask this one time.

"Paine!" I call as she walks into the elevator, "Wait up!"