Chapter Text
Andy stared out at the horizon, anticipation twitching through her limbs. It shook through her fingers and she tightened her grip on the rail. Standing on the deck of a ship again, going back out on this sea, it felt in Andy’s heart like going home. As much of a home as she had these days. She had homes and hideouts across the globe. She had Joe and Nicky, of course. She had Booker. And now she had Nile, but no single place, no location and no person felt as inevitably hers as this.
Nile found her sea legs quickly, navigated the boat with surprising ease. She held the rail and swung her body past a stack of bins as she came forward to stand beside Andy. Her face was set, determined. She’d had the dream again in the early hours of that morning. Quynh screaming, crazed, the ocean bubbling up with her cries. If only they’d dropped her somewhere shallow. If only she was close enough that her bubbling screams could really make it up to the surface, a beacon, a flare, to guide Andy's search.
Nile really believed that the dreams would lead them to Quynh. She was young and, as it turned out, she was an absolute hopeless romantic. Was that what they all had in common? Andy's old guard? They were all a mess for connection.
Nile must not have spoken with Booker after that dream. Had there been time?
No, it wasn’t any time at all between Nile’s dream and the grenade in Booker’s chest, between Nile’s dream and Joe and Nicky’s capture.
Nile stood now on the ship with a chest full of hope and Andy caught herself actually believing that this would be it. This time, guided by Nile’s brand new eyes and haunted by her dreams, they would succeed. Quynh's calls would guide them through Nile's nightmares, draw them to her prison, and Andy would finally, fucking finally, pull her to the surface and set her free. Andy wanted -- needed -- to believe that Quynh still called out specifically for her, that Quynh still held onto that hope. It'd been so long. Had Quyhn forgotten? And if it was all replaced by iron and water, by blood and rage, could Andy bring her back from that? How could she make up for five hundred years in a single lifetime?
**
Joe and Nicky did attempt to steer Nile toward a different course. They invited her with them to Malta and when that didn't work they cornered Andy in the London safe house, a property that had been Nicky’s since the 1890s, where they launched right into their tired old list of concerns. They didn’t even attempt to placate Andy with baklava first, to soften the blow of centuries of failure replayed in cruel detail.
Nile -- bless her -- held fast, kept her eyes firm on Andy, could not be swayed. Those dreams were really rattling her. They could do that, the first sets of dreams. They could set you walking across continents, combing deserts, searching and searching, desperate for that connection. They’d found Booker within a year of his death. For Nile it was less than a week. She didn’t have to search to set out in search of them, she hadn't even had time to realize her dreams could lead her somewhere real.
It was only Quynh that haunted her thoughts now, Quynh’s siren song.
“We shouldn’t have had to hear about it from Copley,” Joe grouched, his fingers pulling at his beard. “Copley, Andy. Of all fucking people.”
Andy shrugged. “I remember what you said in ‘85. I knew you wouldn’t be interested in the boat ride.”
“What I said in ‘85?” Joe repeated. “You mean, ‘It’s not smart to get Bob Ballard involved in this?’ I think recent events demonstrate very well how right I was to steer you away from exposing us to a high-profile team of the world’s top scientists, Andy.”
Beside Nile, Nicky nodded and said, “1985. The year they found the Titanic.”
Joe turned back to Andy, his mouth set in a tight exasperated line. At the tone of Nicky's voice, he'd snapped shut on his list of concerns, his reasons for giving up. Andy couldn’t help herself. She smiled. She’d been making anonymous donations to oceanographic research for decades.
“Just don’t forget you’re not immortal anymore,” Nicky suggested. “If you try any of your little drowning experiments this time, you’ll actually drown.”
Andy held her smile firm, though she supposed her thoughts could be read well enough by these men who had known her a thousand years. They could read it all in the turn of her lips, the light in her eyes. Nicky knew what she was imagining now. She was imagining pulling out her gun, shooting Nicky right through the heart. It wouldn't last, of course, but it would hurt. It didn’t seem fair now. It didn’t seem fair when they could no longer retaliate in kind.
She was so fucking breakable.
“Drowning experiments?” Nile asked. She’d been sitting with her hands shoved into the pockets of her jeans, but she pulled them out now, held up a hand, fingers curled.
“Oh yes,” Joe said with a nod. He stood and crossed to the counter, began pulling out glasses. He better be pouring something good. “We had some great times out there, didn’t we, Boss?”
When Andy spoke again it was through gritted teeth. “I had to know what she felt. You, of all people, have to understand that.”
“I understood it,” Joe agreed. He paused what he’d started at the counter to take a step closer to Nicky, as though to show Andy just how much he understood. Yes, yes, she knew. They’d made it halfway as far as she had with Quynh. Another thousand years to go before Joe even begin to understand her loss. That much time was hard to imagine, even for those who had lived half of it.
He continued: “I understood it the first time, but what about the second? What about the third time and the fourth?”
“What drowning experiments?” Nile asked again.
“I had to know,” Andy repeated. Andy felt it rise in her, the guilt bubbling, drowning her. She was not the one thrown into the ocean that day, but she knew how it felt to drown. She made sure she knew how it felt. She had them lock her up, had them chain her to the ship so she would not be lost. She had to know. She had to know what Quynh suffered. And when she forgot how it felt, when too much time passed, she made sure that she did it all again, made sure the memory was fresh.
“But you said she was a soldier,” Nile paused. “You said you lost a soldier.”
“I’d go to the ends of the earth for all of you."
“She wasn’t a soldier though, was she?” Nile pressed, her voice low, as though they could have a private conversation in this overcrowded room. It was amazing how four people could feel like the press of hundreds given the right space, the right tone and the right conversation.
Andy pressed her teeth into her lower lip. They didn’t have time for this. She was running out of fucking time, and -- fuck, she needed a drink. She stood, brushed past Joe and took over where he’d left off, turning the glasses upright, filling them to the brim with scotch. It splashed over the edges, dousing her hand, and she pressed the sides of her fingers to her lips, sucked the scotch away and wiped her hand on her jeans.
She pushed a glass into Nicky’s hand. Another into Joe’s. When she turned back for the last two glasses, Joe reached out, caught her arm. His touch was firm, but his fingers were gentle as they brushed against the skin of her wrist.
“She wasn’t just a soldier,” Joe confirmed. “She wasn’t just a soldier anymore than you or Nic or I are just soldiers.”
Andy yanked her hand away. She grabbed the last two glasses, handed one to Nile and swallowed half of her own glass, savored the burn in her throat. Nile held her glass in both hands, but didn't not sip. She was waiting for Andy to go on.
“She was mine,” Andy said, the words coming out hot and gasping. “She was my everything for two thousand years. Two thousand years. She was mine, and I was hers. Before we had each other, we had no one. And now -- now, we have no one.” She pointed a finger at Joe. “You should have dropped the fucking chain like I told you to back in ‘62.”
“1562,” Nicky supplied, again answering the question before Nile had a chance to ask.
“That wouldn’t have brought her back,” Joe sighed.
“I’m going out there,” Andy stated. “It’s past time for another pass. There have been technological advances, there have been -- fuck, Booker should have told me sooner. He should have told me that the dreams were still coming. I thought -- ”
Joe shook his head. “You knew,” he said. “He didn’t tell you, but you watched him. You knew.”
Andy downed the rest of her glass. She set it down hard on the counter. “Come with me if you can stomach it. I won’t hold it against you if you can’t.”
Joe and Nicky stared at each other for a long time, engaged in a silent debate. Finally, Joe shook his head, just slightly, just enough for the room to understand. Andy nodded. She would go alone. It wasn’t the first time, but this time it might be the last.
“I’m coming with you,” Nile said. She stood. She took the empty glass from Andy's hand, pushed her full glass into it instead. Andy accepted, drank deep.
“You don’t have to," she said, once the scotch was gone.
“I want to,” Nile said. “The dreams -- she’s in my head and she’s -- if there’s a chance I can help her, that these dreams will lead us to her, I have to try.”
Joe made a noise, visibly bit back on the truth -- that there was nothing in those dreams to give them any clue as to where Quynh might be. They’d done this all already with Booker as their guide. They'd gone down this road before and it ended with Booker never breathing a word of his dreams to Andy again.
Andy looked past Nile to Joe. Joe shook his head, but his eyes were softer now. He put up a good fight, a necessary fight, but deep down in his heart, he understood Andy. He would do the same.
**
They watched the sun set, listened to the rumble of the engine, the water that slapped against the bow. Andy had seen countless sunsets, and somehow never tired of the artistry of it, the intensity of light and color. That light, that saturated richness, was reflected in Nile’s wide eyes, in the hope and wonder that was easily read on her face. When she felt Andy looking, Nile turned toward her and that gleam intensified.
“This sunset is insane,” she said, and couldn't seem to stop her smile.
“Yeah,” Andy agreed. She took it in, the dark line of the water, the brilliant reds and dark purples of the sky. How many sunsets were left? Would she miss this when it was over, or would it seem a relief? An ending long overdue?
“I’ve never been on water like this,” Nile admitted. “No land in sight. Never even been on a cruise.”
“Have you ever been in love?” Andy asked. Beside her, Nile froze, not expecting the sudden subject change. Andy relaxed against her seat, listened to the sound of the surrounding sea. Two of the scientists started laughing from their gathering place on the deck. They’d pulled out the liquor to lighten the mood and loosen their tongues. As soon as the sun went down, Andy planned to join them. Maybe she'd even find reason to laugh.
“I don’t think so,” Nile admitted. “I thought I was. I thought I was in love with my boyfriend in school, but that was, you know. We were kids, turned out I didn't even like him. And then, once I was grown -- “ she shrugged. “ -- sure, I thought I was a couple times, but it never stuck.”
“A love that fades is still love,” Andy said. “Not everything is meant to last an eternity. That doesn’t mean that how you felt while you were in it was wrong or lacking.”
“Yeah, but --” Nile stared up at the sky. “I see Joe and Nicky, I see what you’re doing here. It doesn’t compare, does it?”
“You see my pain,” Andy said. “You see my chest ripped open and my heart laid bare. That’s beautiful to you?”
Nile flinched at that, but Andy shook her head, pulled Nile in with one arm, hugged her close to her side.
She’d seen this line of thinking with Booker. She’d seen the loneliness eat at him, knew that he was still so young, that she was alone thousands of years before she found anyone, before Quyhn, before Lykon. Another thousand before Joe and Nicky. In the grand scheme of things, the time that passed between Booker and Nile was the blink of an eye. In the grand scheme of things the time that Andy had left was a fraction of that.
Andy laughed and it felt forced in her throat. She hoped it sounded better to Nile’s young ears.
“Besides, you missed the century of Joe and Nicky at each other’s throats. They were killing each other daily, sometimes multiple times,” Andy said. She tapped the palm of her hand against Nile’s knee. “You’d have seen them a lot differently. You’d have felt lucky to be alone back then.”
It was a lie. Andy had not looked at Joe and Nicky and wished she was alone. She hadn’t needed to think about such things, not then. She had Quynh at her side. Quynh as her partner, her friend, the love of her entire eternal life. They lay awake at night, their ears straining as they listened to the ceaseless fighting of the two soldiers who couldn’t set aside their war, even after death, even though the game and the stakes and the very ideas they were fighting for had changed.
“To be young,” Quynh said, as she pressed kisses to Andy’s lips, as they fell asleep to the sounds of swordfight and shouting, secure in their own love, in their own endurance.
Andy couldn't afford to fail again. She couldn’t give up, not now, so close to her end.
Nile had the dreams. Quynh was still out there and Nile would help lead Andy home.