Sunset ^beta

Chapter Text

Dess' room always felt like a portal to a magical new realm.

Knock-knock!

Noelle waited patiently at the door, a kind of excited sway in her movements. Dess always took a bit.

"Yeah?" a deeper voice called out.

"It's me!" Noelle said cheerfully. She never had to say much more than this.

"It's open," Dess would say casually, easily. That's all.

And Noelle would throw open the door and scamper in, shutting it quietly behind, even though Dess wouldn't care.

Dess' room was always so… powerful. Everything from the way it felt, to the way it looked, to the way it smelled even. Dess' room stayed dark, dim at the most. She had enough cyan glow in the dark stickers to see, but Noelle's eyes always needed to adjust to the difference. Dess never had any lights on, simply things that gave off light on their own. The darkness always sent thrills through Noelle's spine.

It was the only room in the house that didn't smell like peppermint and pine trees or fruit cake or sugarplums or vague snowy scents. Dess' room smelled real. It smelled like ink, like paper, like smoke, like darkness. It smelled like oil and wood polish, like dirt and woods and berries, like the world as Noelle never knew it.

She didn't have any Christmas decorations visible in her room, only band posters where even the fonts were so jagged and edgy that Noelle worried she'd get a cut just touching them. Boots and a couple survival knives were strewn haphazardly. Shirts and jeans were thrown to the floor as if she didn't have time to focus on even changing her clothes properly.

And then… her guitar. Dess' guitar felt like the brightest light in the dark. It was the only thing in Dess' room that emitted any lighter color, so eye catching in its ruddy-orange hue, incredibly well taken care of. Unlike everything else in her room, it was always placed delicately against the closet door.

Dess had always been rather obvious about her favorites.

She pulled her headphones down, leaving them hanging and blaring around her neck. "What's up?" Dess asked, an easy smile.

And Noelle couldn't help but smile back every time.

She scampered over the minefield of random junk on Dess' floor, practiced in the ways of Dess' sloppiness. Noelle stood before her sister, hands behind her back, still swaying gently with excitement. Dess' headphones blared music that she wasn't supposed to hear, wasn't allowed to listen to, thrumming with passion in its unabashed rebellion.

Dess sat at her computer desk, doing who knows what. Noelle always wanted to know, but Dess was a bit secretive. It made her feel more exciting. She swiveled her chair to face Noelle, always making sure to give her younger sister focus, where others might brush her away.

Noelle didn't say anything. She didn't want to. Didn't need to. That's what made this so fun. She wasn't nervous, she didn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. So, without warning, she let out a giggle and headbutted into her sister's shoulder softly.

And Dess chuckled. The cool metal earrings at her floppy ears dangled at the slight movement. Her shoulders didn't even flinch, didn't even seem to register Noelle's antlers pressing into her. "What are you doing, you weirdo?"

"Faha!" Noelle laughed, almost hoping to never speak again, to maybe become mute, to become only understood by her sister. But… talking with Dess was always fun. "I learned it from the Dreemurr's house!"

Dess' smile never faltered, cool and collected as always, even as she asked, "What do you mean, Elly? You're such a little freak."

Elly.

That was Noelle's nickname. Only with Dess. Only Dess really called her that. Sure, maybe Catty copied Dess from time to time, but it was Dess' creation, Dess' name for her sister.

"Apparently goats headbutt each other to show affection!" Noelle said with a giggle.

"Oh yeah?" Dess grinned. "Was Kris headbutting you? Do I need to bop them one again?" She cracked her knuckles.

"No! Faha! No!" Noelle laughed, barely able to contain her jingle. "I mean. Yes. Kris was headbutting me, but not very hard! And they were headbutting Azzy and Toriel, too."

"Psh, weirdly cute for that kid," Dess said.

Noelle's cheeks might have flushed, but in the overwhelming presence of Dess, it didn't seem to matter. "Even Azzy was headbutting them back! Even Ms. Toriel headbutted them! Although, she might have been a little too rough on Azzy…"

Dess let out a whistle. "Phew. You know. Wouldn't mind Azzy's mom headbutting me too hard." She grinned again, knowing full well what she said.

"Dess! Fahaha!" Noelle said, always so easily bubbling with laughter around her sister. Her voice became quieter as she fiddled with her hair. "I, um, probably wouldn't mind either…"

"Right?!" Dess let out such a hearty guffaw, her entire body rumbling with the action. "Hey, don't tell Azzy or Kris we're into their mom, okay? Might make things weird. Plus, miiight break that guy's heart." She sighed.

"He's still got that crush on you, huh?" Noelle asked.

Dess shrugged. "Who knows why? I really don't think I show any interest in that way." Another sigh, her easy smile fading. "He's sweet, but like… You know me, Elly."

You like girls. Noelle thought to herself, unable to speak it. For some reason, it made Noelle's soul pound in her chest.

"I like him. I like hanging out with him." She placed her chin on her hand, blowing a strand of dark black hair out of her eyes. "He's even a convenient little excuse for Mom. She thinks I like him back that way."

Dess and Noelle could never tell Carol how they weren't interested in boys. Maybe Carol wouldn't even take it that badly. Maybe she'd even be… supportive in her own, kind of awful, way. But neither of them wanted to take the risk that Carol wouldn't approve. Because Carol's approval was law. Literally.

Dad, of course, was no trouble at all. 'Ya like girls? Fahaha! Me too! Although, hey, I'm not picky!' And he'd wink as if Asgore was right there and everyone knew who he was winking at. He was convinced Carol wouldn't disapprove, but… Noelle and Dess still never wanted to come out to her. And Dad respected that.

Thinking about Carol always put the two of them in a bit of a dour mood. On the other hand, though, Noelle felt so very glad she had someone who understood her, who also had to grow up under Carol's overprotective and stifling gaze, who also had to learn how to properly deal with her.

So nothing more needed to be said.

Noelle headbutted her sister again.

"Haha, you're so weird!" Dess laughed once more, her darker mood already broken. "I already know you like me, Elly!"

"It's… fun!" Noelle admitted with a giggle, headbutting her one more time, antlers brushing against Dess' rough fabrics, soft golden hair touching Dess' darker, rougher fur.

"Ya know, it does look fun." Dess smile turned mischievous, the kind of smile that always made Noelle's soul race, the kind of smile where Noelle never knew what Dess would do next. Maybe it should have been obvious.

Dess headbutted her right in the gut. Noelle stumbled backwards, breath knocked out of her, tumbling to the floor.

"Shit!" Dess cursed, bolting out of her chair. Her headphone wires clung back and pulled her awkwardly. She cursed again and tossed it to the side. She helped Noelle up. "Sorry. Didn't mean to—oof! Hey!"

Noelle, even in her daze, still managed to headbutt Dess back.

"Fahaha! You must really like me!" Noelle giggled, clutching her stomach, out of breath.

Dess rolled her eyes, standing nearly a head taller than Noelle, even with the antlers. "Oh, yeah, I love you, Elly." She pointed a finger at her open mouth and pretended to gag.

Noelle jingled. "Um, excheese me? Don't pretend like you don't!" Another headbutt. Dess' tummy was in the perfect spot after all.

Dess grunted, a little burst of air escaping. "You're askin' for it, Elly! Don't make me show you how much I 'love' you." Her laughter betrayed her threat.

Noelle had always been shy. She always had trouble opening up to people. Even Kris, even Azzy, who she knew her entire life. There was still always this tiny invisible barrier, this little unknown that gnawed at the back of her mind and made her afraid to be herself. After some time, of course Noelle could loosen up! But… with Dess, she didn't feel like she had to worry at all.

Dess, more than anyone, seemed to truly understand Noelle.

"Betcha don't love me more than I love you!" Noelle taunted, preparing another clumsy headbutt. With a giggle and the grace of what Dess described as a 'doofus,' Noelle attempted to ram her forehead into Dess' comfy stomach once more.

Hands.

Noelle froze on the spot, halted mid-headbutt. Dess' hands had grabbed Noelle by the antlers, keeping her in place. Dess' hands were rough, but still furry. She had always been tough. Always been strong. She kept Noelle back without even breaking a sweat.

The thing about antlers (and Dess knew this) is that they were actually quite sensitive on deer monsters. Covered in impossible to see bumps and fur, they were surprisingly sensitive to touch. The nerve endings beneath her velvet burned a strange tingling sensation as Dess gripped them. Not to mention, fellow antler folk understood what it meant to touch another's antlers.

Antlers were an expression of the self, an expression of the soul. Some shaped their antlers to better fit themselves, but most tended to feel content with the way their antlers grew in. Noelle's had always been rounded, safe, almost timid in the way they couldn't hurt anyone. The shape reminded her of a clover (obviously a cross), but she liked to think of them more like snowflakes or wings.

And Dess was grabbing them.

"Not so tough now, huh?" Dess said with a smug tone. Noelle couldn't even look at her, stuck in a strange bowing position, her antlers, her hair, her cheeks tingling as Dess held on tight, like one might dual-wield weapons.

"Ah-um-I…" Noelle tried to say, the wires in her mind crossed together.

"Ha. You're so easy," Dess said, pulling Noelle's head back up to face her, hands on her antlers like a puppeteer. Noelle readily gave her body's control over to Dess, staring up at her in a confused wondrous silence.

Dess' antlers were so sharp in comparison. So very similar to Noelle's in a way, but more like a cross (or snowflake or wings) made up of spikes. Noelle had always been jealous, had always wished her antlers could be as cool as Dess'. Noelle could grab Dess' antlers if she wanted, and she would but there was always that exciting fear that Noelle might hurt herself if she tried to get close to Dess.

"Mm," Noelle tried to pout, her head, her hair still tingling. "No fair! I can't reach your antlers."

"Sucks to suck," Dess said, that easy smile plastered on her face. "Now…" her voice went low, almost evil. "Let me show you how it's done."

Eep!

In a cool motion, so swift and punk and practiced from her music playing, she flicked Noelle's antlers, causing her to stagger backwards from the sudden flash of pain. Moving like melted snow, she ducked her head down and wham!

Headbutt!

Luckily, Dess was very safe with those sharp antlers of hers, knowing full well she'd impale Noelle like a pin through a piece of paper. All the dangerous bits missed, but, oh how it made Noelle lose her breath, the way they sliced through the air near her vitals.

Noelle fell backwards once more, stumbling over a damaged flute and landing on her behind, back to the wall. "Cheezus!" she huffed out, still reeling from the blow.

This time, Dess showed no remorse. She stepped over to Noelle, knelt an arm down on one knee and said, "I warned ya."

Angel above, she was so cool.

"You didn't have to hit so hard!" Noelle whined, rubbing her belly, really hamming it up. She honestly barely even felt the pain. If anything, it was the touch on her antlers that made her breathing heavy.

"Aw, c'mon, Elly…" Dess sighed and squatted down to face level with Noelle. "I didn't hit you that hard."

Noelle's soul skipped a beat.

"Gotcha!" In a flash, Noelle's hands stretched out and grabbed Dess by the antlers as well, fingers avoiding the spiky bits.

"H-hey!" Dess huffed out, eyes widening. That air of coolness faded away pretty quickly, didn't it? "Hold on, that's cheating!"

Noelle's smug smirk could not be contained, putting her nose high up into the air in posh victory. "You're pretty easy too! Fahaha!"

Dess frowned, smile wiped off. She furrowed her brows, and Noelle saw the way her legs and arms tensed up. She lunged for Noelle’s antlers.

Noelle shrieked, and…!

“H-hey!” Dess froze in place, hands trembling just before Noelle’s antlers. The red at her cheeks only stood out more against her shiny black nose. “Noelle!”

Noelle giggled. Her thumbs stroked the sides of Dess’ antlers, rubbing gently, oh so gently. She didn’t have the strength to hold Dess back, but she certainly could stop her sister in other ways.

“What~?” Noelle asked, a lilt in her voice.

Dess raised her arm to try and cover her face, trying to hide her cute little whimpers. “Noelle, that’s messed up and you know it.”

Noelle’s smug power quickly faded. “What? No fair, you started it!”

Dess shivered, looking away. Noelle hadn’t stopped. “Geez, Elly, I didn’t rub you like this though.”

Noelle’s soul sank and she relented, allowing her hands to drop to her sides. (I guess it is pretty weird of me to do that…) “Oh… Sorry, De-e-eeee!!!!!”

“Gotcha, idiot!” Dess cried out triumphantly, her larger hands thrumming and stroking Noelle’s antlers like guitar strings, able to cover way more ground than Noelle ever could.

“Ahh–ahhahahaha!” Noelle squealed with uncontrollable laughter, her entire body tingling and screaming with electric sensation. “Dess…!”

Dess grinned and moved closer, her larger body shadowing Noelle’s like a furry blanket, her short black hair smelling like fresh ink, dark lipstick glittering like a knife’s edge. She let out a heady little laugh, Noelle literally in the palm of her hands. “You’re still way easier, Elly.”

It was all so much! All so wonderfully exciting! Noelle’s fur bristled in all the right ways as she continued to laugh, her hands uselessly sliding off Dess’ small but firm arm muscles. And then, oh, and then she could feel Dess’ breath! The aftereffects of Noelle’s touch from before left Dess in a panting, husky state, as if she’d been singing at a concert not long before.

Noelle, giggles and jingles escaping her till she couldn’t breathe, kicked her legs out half-heartedly, hooves not even making a dent in Dess’ jeans. Dess just crawled closer on her knees, between Noelle’s kicks. “Learned your lesson yet?” Dess asked, voice gravelly.

Something in Noelle’s chest began to shine. Deep inside the bubbling well of this tingling sensation and all this horribly shrill laughter, she managed to reach her determination and–

“Never!!!”

–reached out and grabbed Dess’ antlers in her palms again, rubbing them and stroking them as much as she could while the rest of her body disobeyed.

“Pshhh, hahahaha, Noelle!!” Dess also fell into a pit of laughter, but oh, her laughs were so cool! Like the strings of an electric guitar! So rough and loud! They sent vibrations through Noelle’s already overstimulated body. “You suck!”

“You suck!” Noelle countered lamely, hardly able to fight back. She fell forward into Dess’ arms, against her chest, laughing up into her furry chin while still trying to tickle her sister’s antlers, reaching up around Dess’ neck.

“Smelly Elly, Smelly Elly!” Dess chanted into Noelle’s ears, breaking only to continue laughing. She wrapped her legs around Noelle, pulling her into a cross-legged embrace on her lap. Dess had to move her arms in an awkward position to keep hold of Noelle’s antlers, but she didn’t push Noelle away either.

“Fahahaha, shut up!! Messy Dessy, Messy Dessy!!” Noelle said, laughing so much that tears began forming in her eyes, arching her back and body into Dess.

“Ha! Hah! That’s like the least bad thing you could call me! Hah!” Dess huffed out through rough bursts of laughter, her wonderful chuckles mingling with Noelle’s jingles, teasing the tips of each other’s noses with their breath.

Noelle couldn’t even respond anymore, having too much fun, completely breathless in Dess’ clutches. Her last line of defense… she resorted to headbutts!

Take that! And that! Right into her cheek, nearly right on her head! Noelle gently bapped the back of her head into Dess. She squirmed and writhed and wriggled, but she wouldn’t lose! Nobody could beat Dess! Except Noelle. Noelle had the cheat sheet when it came to beating Dess.

“Pshhh, you weirdo, think that bothers me?” Dess said, her fur clearly still on end as she tried to stay calm. “Like this! This is how you do it!”

In a flash, she spun Noelle around in her legs, making Noelle face her. Both had relented in their hands’ assault, and both were huffing and puffing like they just ran an entire mile in record time.

With a lingering little laugh, Dess bonked her fuzzy forehead into Noelle’s.

“Fahaha!” Noelle jingled, bonking her forehead back into Dess too. She felt the way their antlers brushed against each other, their sensitive velvet rubbing just ever so slightly with each bonk.

“You know, you have a pretty hard head,” Dess teased, bonking her again, those sharp antlers just narrowly, oh so narrowly, touching against Noelle’s. Not enough to hurt, but certainly enough to make the two girls let out a tiny hitch that they pretended not to notice. “One advantage you have over me!”

“You’re the hardheaded one! Your skull is made out of diamond!” Bonk! Noelle’s shoulders heaved, body aching with all this excitement. She nuzzled her forehead against Dess’ and felt little sparks in her chest, their snouts so desperate for air, so close.

“So it’s a rare and valuable resource?” Dess countered with another bonk, nuzzling back into Noelle’s forehead, arms wrapped tightly around Noelle.

“Yeah! We should sell you!” Noelle giggled, pressing her head into Dess’. She didn’t have the strength to headbutt anymore. But just the pressure, just the nuzzling, just that incredible feeling of their antlers coming closer together. She held onto Dess as well, as if she’d fall off a cliff if she let go.

“You wouldn’t,” Dess breathed out with a smile, head gently pressing back, nuzzling back, their antlers mingling together. Even though they weren’t struggling, even though they weren’t fighting anymore, for some reason the two of them continued to breathe so heavily.

“Mm… I…” Noelle started to say, beginning to lose herself in Dess’ comforting arms, her electric antlers. She didn’t finish her sentence. She couldn’t. She forgot what she wanted to say. Such a strange haze washed over her head, such a pretty little flitting feeling that made her so warm.

“See?” Dess said, voice so low, so quiet, nuzzling evermore. “I knew you… wouldn’t…”

This, oh… this was… bliss? This was pure bliss, wasn’t it? Noelle felt so pleasant, so safe, so warm, so happy. She let out a strange little noise, like a yawn but… more.

“You’re being…” Dess said slowly, her breath practically dripping out of her dark lips. “You’re being weird, Elly…”

“Mmmnn…!” Noelle mumbled, another strange noise coming out, so full of… pleasure? “So are you…” she managed to say.

“We should…” Dess tried to say, her breath hitching. Noelle could feel that wonderful heat from her cheeks, they were so close, nuzzling and rubbing. “We should probably… stop…”

“No,” Noelle breathed out quickly, surprising herself. “No, no… it’s–it’s fine.” She desperately nuzzled deeper into Dess but felt the way her sister hesitated.

“This is… it’s…” She didn’t finish her sentence, didn’t finish that thought. Noelle wouldn’t entertain it, Noelle didn’t care.

Dess began to pull away, agonizingly slowly, nearly making Noelle whimper, nearly begging to stay so close like this.

Snag.

“H-huh?” Dess gulped, their faces just a breath apart. She tried pulling back again. Noelle’s head went with her, buzzing the two of them with excitement. “S-shit.”

“Are we…” Noelle could hardly believe it. This was the best-case scenario. “Stuck?”

“Er, no. No…” Dess tried to say, her black nose slipping against Noelle’s red. Each breath, each word, it all trickled directly into Noelle’s mouth. It was intoxicating. 

She pulled again.

“Ow!” Noelle and Dess yelped in sync, lips so nearly touching in their confused movements.

“Sorry,” Dess muttered, averting her dark eyes, unable to keep her gaze tough anymore.

But Noelle. Oh Noelle. She didn’t look away. She didn’t want to look away. She refused to look away. This… this was…

Amazing.

To think. Dess could be turned into a blushing mess like this, a nervous wreck. Wasn’t that supposed to be Noelle’s role? The timid, shy, innocent little sister? Now suddenly, here was Dess, as if she’d never been cool in her life, eyes downcast as she struggled to find a way to untangle herself.

And still, their antlers were singing together. Dancing together. They wouldn’t let go. Noelle wouldn’t let go. Is this what it felt like? To have someone break in the palm of your hand? To be able to shatter someone into so many pieces, just at your mere presence?

It’d be so awful to take advantage of her like this, wouldn’t it?

And yet… and yet…

Noelle, breathless, moved closer, microscopically closer.

“No-Noelle? What are you…?” Dess once again tried to back away, but they remained firmly stuck together.

Noelle couldn’t speak. Dess’ obsidian lips, her nose of hot coal, black hair tickling against Noelle’s… Dess let out a desperate little bleat, a noise that Noelle never expected to come out of her mouth.

Noelle moved in closer. So slowly. Dess jerked back, pulling Noelle hard with her. Something gasped out of Noelle in the sudden movement. “Ah!”

Dess broke. “Fuck,” she breathed out, the curse burning hot on Noelle’s lips.

And so did Noelle.

Their lips finally met after so long, after wanting each other for what felt like an eternity. Noelle wasn’t sure who closed the gap anymore, but she assumed it was her.

They kissed, so rough and passionately, like how they’d been messing around before, but with inhibitions tossed aside. Noelle felt such wonderful heat, a soothing blissful thing at her nose, between her eyes, where their foreheads nuzzled together.

Noelle melted into Dess, carefree, living in such a sinful ecstasy. When their kiss broke, Dess tried to stop herself, tried to stop them, but Noelle knew what she wanted. She knew what Dess wanted.

"Fuck…" Dess repeated, so dejected, so terrified.

"Shhh…" Noelle whispered, kissing her again, hand on Dess' cheek, soothing her. "Don't worry…"

Noelle only knew what to say because it's what Dess used to say. On particularly bad days, when Noelle felt the crushing anxieties of the world, or maybe a horror movie had freaked her out to the point of night terrors.

'Shhh, Elly… Don't worry. I'm here.'

"I'm here," Noelle repeated into Dess' trembling lips.

"Elly, this…" Dess breathed into their kiss, hugging her tightly, so tightly now.

"Shhh. It's okay… It's okay…" Noelle cooed.

And something transformed in Dess' soul. She returned the kiss now, so much harder, so full of that passion that made Dess the best person on the planet. She cupped Noelle's cheeks together, pulling her in, almost desperately, as if taking a breath above the water’s edge and pulling her into a dark abyss.

But it was never enough for Noelle, was it? Always greedy, always so very greedy, always asking for more. Noelle's tongue slipped in, barely, just barely tasting Dess' dark lipstick.

"Fuck," Dess whispered once more, forcing another tiny, 'Ah!' out of Noelle. With a curse and a wince, she gave into Noelle's demands once more as she always did. Her own tongue found Noelle's, pushed it away, licked at her chilled lips with a strange hunger. "Elly, you taste…"

"Mmm?" Noelle buzzed.

Another lick. Another kiss. Dess' eyes stayed half-lidded, black eyeshadow burning beautifully in the dark. "You taste so… good… Like powdered sugar. Fuck, that's… so…" Another kiss. "That's so stupid…"

"I like it." Noelle kissed back, taking another lick. Dess had always been poetic, even if she had a hard time admitting it. Noelle giggled. "Also… that's my chap stick flavor."

"Oh my god." Dess sighed into her wet lips. "Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"It's like you want to be a cliche."

Noelle kissed Dess once more and said, "I do, actually."

"What…?" Dess' eyes teetered through emotions, boarding on pity.

"People let their guard down around me. Even you did, Dess."

"You make it sound so cynical."

Noelle didn't want to respond.

"You really believe that about yourself, don't you?"

She didn't want to respond.

"I know that's not you, Elly."

She couldn't respond.

"You want to be sweet because you are sweet. That's who you are."

Silence.

"You're blaming all this on yourself, aren't you?"

…

Dess' eyes narrowed. "I have free will, y'know."

"I-I know."

Her dark eyebrows furrowed. "Pretty full of yourself to think you controlled me."

"Mm…"

Dess suddenly became stubborn, nearly angry. "I do what I want. Not even you decide that, Elly."

"Sorry."

"Shut up." Dess rolled her eyes. She kissed Noelle once more, tightening her legs around Noelle. "I love you because I love you. Not because you made me love you."

"I…"

"My turn," Dess interrupted, overpowering her. "Kinda pisses me off that you think you could take advantage of me. If anything, I'm the one who…"

"You're not!" Noelle cried out desperately, silencing the words she didn't want to hear.

"I'm not," Dess said with a low growl. "I know damn well it's not just me either. I'm not stupid. I can tell how much you…" she sighed. "Want. Me."

Noelle nodded, their antlers brushing together, making both flinch and yelp.

"Fuck," Dess breathed out, before continuing. "That's why I… pushed you away. Not because I didn't want you. But because I wanted to make sure… it wasn't just me."

"It's not," Noelle said, the words tingling on her lips.

Dess grinned. "I'm pretty fuckin' aware of that by now, Elly."

"Faha." Noelle kissed her once more, her soul an amp for Dess' passion.

"You're fucked up, Elly. You know that?" Dess kissed her back, hardly able to stop herself.

Noelle gave a halfhearted shrug. "I know! Faha." She paused and said, "But it's nice that… that you know too."

Dess blinked.

"It's nice that—that…" Noelle's soul trembled. "…that you understand me."

"Mm," Dess murmured softly to herself. "Lotta people misunderstand you, don't they?"

"Yeah." Noelle sighed. "Yeah."

"Yeah…" Dess smiled. "For better or worse, I know how weird you are, Elly." She laughed. "Leaning towards worse."

"I don't want this to be bad…!"

Dess's lips formed a tight line. "Well, it is. Doesn't matter how much we don't want it to be."

"I hate the idea that this is bad," Noelle pouted.

Dess raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Don't even act. The fact this is fucked up makes it fun as hell for you, doesn't it?"

Noelle stuck a tongue out. "Faha. Yeah. You're right." She kissed her sister again, sparks coursing across her fur.

Dess tried to shake her head, only bringing Noelle with her. "Fuck me, this is fucked."

"I'm tryin' to!" Noelle giggled. (Dad joke. Weird time. Weird time, Noelle.)

"Jesus Christ, you're fucked," Dess said not without a smile.

Noelle stuck a tongue out. "Again. Trying."

"Oh, shut up, freak." Dess kissed her again and again.

"Is that a no…?" Noelle giggled.

"Have you ever heard of subtlety, Noelle?" Dess groaned. "What am I saying? Of course you haven't."

"You haven't answered the question," Noelle said, braver than she'd ever be with anyone else.

"I'm not going to!" Dess nearly yelled.

"… Not going to tell me, or not going to f—"

"Fuuuck offff, Elly!" Dess groaned again, kissing her once more just to make her shut up. Noelle didn't mind. Positive reinforcement!

"I'll be good, I'll be good, fahaha!"

"No you fuckin' won't." Dess sighed. "That's why I love you."

Noelle's soul blazed like a sparkler on a bright stage. "I love you too, Dess." One more. Just. One more kiss. One more…

Her lips tasted like the dark. Like the forest. Like shadow. Like mystery. Dess was so exciting. So very exciting. She kissed with more experience, more understanding of where her lips should be, how her lips should touch Noelle's. Whereas Noelle was simply clumsy and greedy.

How many other girls had Dess kissed before? Not that Noelle minded. She wondered if this is what those other girls tasted like too. Noelle always wished she could be as free and brave as Dess, always wished she could go out and make the world her own just like Dess did. But the only person she could even be brave with was Dess.

When Dess put a gentle hand on Noelle's shoulder, she knew their kiss was ending, knew they had to part. She tried to linger, tried to stay close to Dess for any moment longer she could, but that tiny push, that quiet lean back, it told Noelle that this was over.

And she knew it had to end. Knew this wasn't something they could keep up, keep doing forever. Yet, it still made her soul ache. Her lips faded away, her scent wasn't quite as overwhelming, and it felt so very cold. Noelle knew she was addicted; knew she shouldn't have let herself become attached so.

"Don't look so sad, Elly," Dess sighed. "Come on."

Their antlers still tangled, still buzzing lightly, Noelle said, "I don't want it to end," selfishly. She tried to look away, but their eyes always remained in each other's like this.

"Well…" Dess pet the back of her neck, sheepish. "It really should."

"Are we just going to pretend it never happened?" Noelle asked, soul trembling.

Dess didn't reply. She tried to look away. They still couldn't avert their gazes. Noelle knew.

"Can I… not even talk about it with you? Ever again?"

Dess sucked in a breath of air through her teeth. "We really shouldn't, Noelle."

"But it felt so good," Noelle argued weakly. "Didn't it?"

Dess closed her eyes, as if contemplating, struggling. "It's fucked up, Noelle. You know it is."

"I don't care."

Dark eyes opened, burning in the night of her hair, determined, steady. "Don't you?"

"I-I don't!" Noelle repeated, but even she felt her resolve come to a stuttering end. "I… It doesn't matter in the moment. It shouldn't."

"And," her voice was steady. "What happens when the moment ends?"

Noelle sighed. "I don't want it to end, Dess," she repeated. She knew she was beaten. She could never truly win an argument with Dess. Not with something that mattered. Not like this.

"It will. It has to." She sighed. "We can still be sisters, Noelle. But that's it. Nothing more."

Noelle's soul was distraught. She held onto Dess' hand just like she used to when they were younger. She squeezed. Dess squeezed back.

"Never again?" Noelle asked one last time, a petulant loneliness bubbling inside her.

Dess closed her eyes one final time. Her dark eyeshadow was so pretty. Her earrings always jangled when her ears moved up and down, this time, far down. Her lips, a haunting abyss, formed a hard line.

She said nothing.

Noelle knew the answer. She closed her own eyes this time, unable to gaze at Dess any longer like this. It was only making it harder. She took a long shuddering breath, ready to accept it. For Dess' sake.

"You know what?" Dess opened her eyes, sparkling with dark wilderness. "Fuck it."

Before Noelle could even say, 'Huh?' Dess had already pushed her to the floor, lying flat on the carpet. Of course, this meant Dess came with, cyan stars on her ceiling—at her back. With more force than she expected, Dess pressed her lips down against Noelle's. Rough. Hungry. Demanding. She sighed into her.

"Mmnn—ah…!" Noelle gasped into her sister's mouth, breath stolen away, given willingly. She kissed back, her soul so full, her chest and shoulders so warm and airy, as if floating up into Dess.

Dess tilted her head deftly, kissing Noelle's lips at a slightly different angle, somehow changing the sensation almost completely. Noelle squirmed under her sister's body, that warm haze fogging up her mind with pleasure.

Dess took a rough breath, so full of emotion, so full of strange anger, of rebellion and lust, and it made Noelle's lips twinge with heat. Without warning, Dess bit Noelle's lower lip, pulling ever so lightly, breathing hard into her. Pain blossomed through Noelle's skull like a thorny flower, so very utterly beautiful. The petals seemed to flourish, twinkling in the dew of starlight.

"A-ah! Ah…!" Noelle moaned, barely able to contain her breaths, every hair in her fur bristling with electrical charge.

"Shhhh," Dess shushed, kissing her into brief silence. "Shhhh…" She placed a fingertip on Noelle's lips.

Noelle tried to obey, tried her best to quell these little noises, but they bubbled out of her throat, boiled in her soul, melted away her sense.

And as she winced and bucked into her sister from below, trying so very hard to stay quiet, trying so very hard to obey in the hopes that she'd receive more, Dess took a heady breath.

"Fuck…!" Dess cursed again, as if that wild shadow had taken over her once more, as if she skulked through the forest, soul pounding in her chest, a thrilling chase about to begin.

She kissed Noelle harder, even harder, truly taking Noelle's mouth now, her tongue escaping, dashing into Noelle's, around Noelle's timid tongue and dragging her further into darkness. Dess' hands were wild, still soft with fur, but tough with various nicks and cuts she'd sustained due to her pocketknife. Those hands grabbed at Noelle's body, squeezing, groping every little fold of her skin, exploring, demanding everything.

And Noelle still surrendered herself, allowed Dess to take her away into the woods, into the terrifying unknown.

Noelle's own hands dumbly tried to copy Dess. She groped at her sister's arms, her sides, her chest, exploring for any reactions desperately. At Dess' chest, she let out a hungry groan, mouth wet with saliva and spit.

(There…)

Noelle touched Dess' chest, ran her fingers in the center, cupped and squeezed her hands against Dess' bra under her shirt. Another groan, another drooling sigh as she was forced to break her kiss simply to breath.

"Fuck, Noelle, not… not there…" Dess panted, her face flushed blood red.

(Certainly there…)

Noelle's resolve only strengthened. Her hands, her fingers, they groped harder, they crawled beneath Dess' shirt, under her bra, to find those sensitive pressure points she knew were there. She pressed them, ran a finger around them clumsily, icily.

"…fff—fuck," Dess cursed into Noelle's mouth, pressing her forehead hard against Noelle's. "Elly, you, you can't… keep… touching… there…"

But despite her protests, Dess began to rock against Noelle, hips gyrating and grinding in a guilty uncontrollable rhythm, completely pressing herself into Noelle's.

"Ah… ah…! Ah…! Dess…" Noelle, lost completely to the pressure, to the pleasure, began to rock in a slow sync with Dess, her skin burning between her thighs.

"Stop… hah… Elly…" And Dess let out such a beautiful moan, so melodic and deep, so dark and heavy. "This is… too… much…! I… I can't…"

"I want this… I want this…" Noelle breathed into Dess, greedy, selfish, hungrier than Dess could ever be. Her light moans mingled together with Dess, a chorus of lows and highs at the end of their rope, at the edge of no return.

Dess winced, her fur standing up on end, bristling as she rocked and grinded and pressed herself into Noelle, no longer fighting against this ever-consuming feeling. She shuddered, she tightened her grip on Noelle, and…

And Noelle shuddered in response, still groping blindly, still rocking clumsily, barely in tune with Dess' hard thrusts. That pressure, that amazing dizzying pressure, it took away any and all fear, any barriers that might have been between them, and they fell into the abyss together, drowning in passion and pure pleasure.

Their bodies slowed, their rocking coming to a shaking stop as they finished together in a blinding climax, the stage empty, spotlight hovering over just them. Sweat crystallized down Dess' obsidian hair, against her cheek, through her dark fur. Sparklers went off in their chest, their show a beautiful song just for the other and no one else.

Dess let out a dark sigh, eyes wincing closed as she laid atop Noelle in a useless heap. Noelle gently rubbed her back, trying to press down the bristling fur, trying to soothe her pounding soul. Noelle couldn't pretend to understand. She went willingly into the dark with Dess.

But did… Dess… … not …

Scrape. Scratch. PULL. PULL.

"O-ow! Ow, Dess!" Noelle cried out, her antlers screaming in horrid pain. "Ow, please, stop struggling…!"

"Fuck this, fuck this, fuck this," Dess muttered, blinded with pain, with dark.

"Stop, Dess! You're hurting me! You're hurting yourself…!"

"I don't fucking care," Dess hissed into Noelle's lips.

RIIIIIP!

Noelle screamed out, but Dess merely grunted, even though… even though…

Dess was clearly the one in the most pain.

Dess stood up. Free of Noelle. Leaving her on the floor. Cold. Something was missing.

She said nothing.

But Noelle's eyes widened, horrified, a scream caught in her throat. Blood ran down Dess' passive forehead, forming a river of red down her nose and through her lips. She ignored it. Maybe she didn't see it. Her eyes stared into the dark.

"Dess… your… antler…"

Dess said nothing. She didn't respond. She refused to acknowledge any of it.

A piece of her antler had been ripped off, steaming hot blood trickling from its wound. Noelle, soul frozen, felt her hands reaching up, felt her fingers reaching to her own antlers, even though she wished she wouldn't, wished she wouldn't learn.

And she felt it. A sharp shard of darkness. Still pierced into her antler. It burned with passion, heat, and black. It was stuck into Noelle like a thorn, a painful memory of something that was meant to be beautiful.

"Dess…?" Noelle whimpered out. She shakily stood to her feet. She looked at her fingertips. A splotch of Dess' blood stained the fur. She was shaking. Something wet ran down her cheeks, but she couldn't understand what.

"I fucked up." Dess said suddenly, boiling red dribbling from her chin, into her shirt.

"N-no… no this wasn't…" Noelle tried to say, but her voice came out wrong. So terrified. "This isn't… Dess, I…"

"Stop," Dess ordered. And Noelle's voice left her. "Not right now. Not right now. Don't say it. Not right now."

"Des—"

"Shut up." Her voice went cold as the dead, as the abyss. Yet even now. Her voice softened. Her face fell, broke under the red. "Please."

They stood near to the other. They were barely farther apart than if they had still been stuck together. But now it felt like they were light years away.

Noelle's sob broke the quiet. Dess finally looked at Noelle, finally allowed herself to see. Her eyes, so sharp, so hard, widened and softened. She let out a tiny gasp, barely audible, and moved to Noelle. One hand wrapped around her, the other pressed one final time against Noelle's antler.

It didn't feel nice anymore.

A sharp pain screamed through Noelle's little body, but she could only let out another sob in response.

In the next instant, Dess' free hand held the broken and bloody shard in her hand. She glared at it, seethed at it, clutched her fist around it till it broke the skin in her palm.

But Noelle didn't feel better. She didn't feel anything at all.

"I'm sorry." Dess whispered in the dark, embracing Noelle one last time. She bled into Noelle's hair, down into her mouth, overpowering the sweet tingles of their kisses with an oily copper. "I'm sorry."

"This isn't… But I didn't…"

"I know. I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

Noelle, so weak, so numb, still managed to embrace her sister, clutching desperately at her. "It's not yours either…"

Dess said nothing.

"It's not…!"

Dess said nothing.

"Please…"

"You need to go for now. Clean up. I need to bandage this."

"Dess! Please!"

She winced. "Just. Just go. For now. Please, Elly."

And Noelle obeyed. Without another word, she glided to the door, her nerves frostbitten and faulty. She opened the door, the golden yellow light overpowering her, blinding her. Something pushed her gently through the frame.

Noelle looked back into the darkness, looked back to Dess. She was right there. But Noelle couldn't see her. She couldn't see her anymore.

And Dess closed the door.

Chapter Text

Noelle's soul remained heavy, weighed down by guilt and grief. The next day, she woke, hoping, praying, that somehow it had all been a wonderful nightmare.

However, when she opened the door and moved towards the bathroom, she had the misfortune of seeing Dess in the hall.

It was obvious that they both slowed, that they both flinched at the sight of each other, despite trying so hard to forget. It was impossible to ignore the bandage at the tip of Dess' antler, especially in the blinding light of home.

'Are you okay…?' Noelle nearly said.

But her memory interrupted. 'Shut up. Please.'

And she averted her eyes and glided by Dess, trying desperately to avoid her touch, her soul, her everything. Yet, somehow, even though it wasn't particularly cramped, or maybe because Noelle was horribly selfish, her fingertips brushed against Dess' and the cool fabric of her band shirt.

It reminded her of last night. A desperate touch. Clutching for something more.

But Dess said nothing. She stormed silently into her room and back into the dark. She closed the door.

Click!

Noelle flinched at the lock. It hurt more than she expected. When she made it to the bathroom. She cried again.

"December."

Silence. Utensils clacked against plates as they ate. Noelle and Dess did not speak. Their mother's blade loomed over the dining table, eternally sharp and foreboding.

"December Holiday, answer me this instant."

A click of a tongue. A clench of her fists. A narrow of the eyes. Dess groaned. "What."

"Don't you 'what' me as if nothing is the matter."

Noelle wanted to interject. So terribly wanted to try and change the subject to protect her sister. But. She never could. And she certainly couldn't now.

"What is it, Mom. What is it."

"You know exactly what 'it' is, December."

"I really don't."

"Don't act like a fool to me."

"Not an act. I'm just a fool."

Carol's tone chilled, it seethed and burned, bit into Noelle's ears, stung her already tender soul. Her voice became several octaves lower but the threat behind it gleamed icy blue in the dark.

"December."

"Ugh, fuck's sake." Dess dropped her hands to the table, rumbling and clattering their plates, causing Noelle to flinch. "The antler. Yes. My fuckin' antler, Mom. Can you not get on my ass about this for once?"

"I will not tolerate such language, December." Carol scowled and Noelle's body began to shake, began to tremble. She wished Dad was here. She wished Dad was here. She wished Dad was here.

"Get fuckin' used to it."

Carol moved like a wraith in the snow. Soundless. Terrifying. She was out of her chair, glaring down at Dess, teeth surely grinding behind her passive lips. "You will not talk to me like this, December."

"I'm not scared of you anymore," Dess lied. She wouldn't look Carol in the eyes.

"Who hurt you, December?" Carol screeched, her frigid voice like nails against permafrost. "Tell me. Now."

Carol never laid a hand on Dess. She never would. On either of them. No matter how much it seemed like she would. She never did. And sometimes… Noelle wished she would. Sometimes, Noelle thought, it'd be easier if Carol did strike them. Easier to understand. Easier to hate.

"Why?" Dess' voice picked up. "What are you gonna do to them?" She was angry. Noelle couldn't breathe.

"That's none of your concern."

"Huh. Oh yeah? Really think so?"

"December. I don't have time for your childish games. Answer the question."

"Yeah? Are you sure you want me to?" Dess met Carol's gaze now, but she wasn't brave. She wasn't brave. She wasn't brave.

"Final warning. You know what the punishment will be. Don't force my hand, December. Tell. Me."

And Dess' bluster faltered as it always did. Her voice cracked as she cursed, "Fuck," under her breath. "Fine. Fine. I'll tell you."

Noelle couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. Everything was frozen. Everything hurt.

"Noelle," Dess said easily. "It was Noelle."

"What?" Carol's voice nearly broke. She shot an icy glance, those terrible cold eyes screaming into Noelle's, piercing and stabbing and invading and violating.

Noelle, pathetic as she was, already started to cry silently. She didn't deserve to cry. She was so weak.

"If this is a joke, it is a truly disgusting one, December."

"Not a joke, Mom," Dess said, her voice rising. Her chair screeched as she stood up to face Carol now, taking that biting gaze away from Noelle. "It was Noelle."

"Impossible. You are lying to my face. You are lying to my face and hurting your sister. December, what has gotten into you?"

"Yeah. I knew you wouldn't believe me," Dess hissed. "I knew you wouldn't."

"As you spew lies? Why would I ever—"

Noelle's tiny voice somehow cut off her mother's. "She's telling the truth, Mom." She let out a tiny hiccup, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hated that she was crying. She hated it so much. "It's my fault."

Carol didn't speak. Her utter bewilderment seemed worse.

Dess growled under her breath. "We got into a fight."

"What? What could drive you two to… … this?"

Noelle sniffled. She laid her head down in her arms and spoke down into the void beneath her. "I… I went too far. I…"

"She said I had shit taste in music," Dess lied. She shrugged.

(What…?)

"Noelle?" Carol repeated, awestruck. "That simply does not make sense."

"Ugh. She didn't say the exact words, Mom, come on."

"Do not admonish the truth, December."

A sigh. "She found one of those CDs of mine you don't like. Blood Crushers." Dess took a breath. "Tried to rat me out to you. Told me we weren't allowed to listen to that. Your rules, remember?"

"I… Of course. I know my own rules, December." But Carol's chill had begun to die.

"Noelle was gonna tattle on me. Take it away. Told me it was no good. Said it was bad for me. Said you wouldn't like it." Dess paused. "I told her to get over it. Keep it a secret. But she just kept pushing me."

Noelle sobbed. She didn't mean to make the lie more believable. She didn't want to lie like this.

"She grabbed it, you know. She told me I was gonna get in trouble. Told me how mad you'd be, Mom. Heh." She grinned, their mother still stunned into silence. "I think she was just trying to protect me, thinkin' on it."

(I wasn't! I wasn't! I was selfish…!)

"That is…"

"True," Dess finished. "You would get mad. And you are getting mad. Aren't you?" Dess tilted her head. Was she enjoying this? No. No. Noelle could see the way her sister's hands shook, see the way her fur bristled in the chill. "I got pissed. Told her she didn't have the right. Told her to stop. Told her I could handle myself against you."

Noelle could do nothing but listen in horror at the lie her sister continued to protect her.

"I pushed her."

"What?!"

Dess nearly spat the words out like acid. "Of course, that's the part you're upset about." She took in a breath. "She wouldn't let go. She wouldn't give it up. You know what? You know what, Mom?"

Carol said nothing.

"I think she liked it." Dess sneered. "I think she likes that type of music, too. I think she wanted it to herself."

"Unbelievable. Noelle would never. This is baseless conjecture."

(Mom talks about me like I'm not even in the room.)

"Well?" Dess motioned to her sister, actually asking for her opinion whereas Carol simply could not. "What do you think about that type of music, Elly?"

It stung. It reopened the wounds in her soul once more. Stitched them back up. Sliced it open again. She bled out inside of herself.

Noelle said, "… I do."

"Noelle!" Carol cried out. "This cannot possibly be right. Kris' terrible pranks must be involved. I will not put up with their games!"

"She's right," Noelle said after a sniffle. "I liked it. I really really liked it. I liked it so much. I wanted it for myself. Just for me." Noelle spied the tiniest clench of Dess' hands.

"We got into a fight," Dess said with a shrug. "You know. She's in that cross-country shit at school, right? All those sports? She's stronger than she looks."

(I'm not…)

"I can't believe what I'm hearing. This has never happened."

"Well it fucking happened. She likes my music, mom. She likes it and so the fuck do I. You wanna blame me for influencing her? Sure. What the fuck do I care? What else you wanna try to do to me, huh?"

"December!"

Noelle couldn't take it. She rose out of her chair. "It's not her fault! Mom! Please! It was me! It was all me! I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at Dess! Please be mad at me instead! I started everything, I went too far, I made her hurt her antler!"

"Don't you fuckin' believe her," Dess hissed. "She was already lying to you about all this. Lying about everything else. I got too rough with her. She defended herself. Not her fault I stumbled and chipped my antler off."

"That's not…! That's not true! Dess didn't…! I did…! I was…!"

"You couldn't hurt me if you tried, Elly."

"But I did! I did hurt you and I…"

"Get over yourself. I'm the main reason my antler got hurt. Not you."

"You can't… you can't! You can't take all the blame, Dess…! You know it's not fair!"

"Look at you. Already a sobbing mess, Elly. You can't fucking handle it. Don't act."

"I'm not acting! Listen to me, Dess! It was my fault! I was the one that—"

"ENOUGH!" Carol bellowed, a gust of terrible ice pushing the sisters into their chairs. "You both take me for a fool. Both of you are lying. Both of you are trying to protect the other."

"Hm. Hey, maybe you're right," Dess said with a smug grin. "When'd you get so smart, Mom?"

"December. Your insolence has gone on far enough. I have been far too lax with you. Now look what has happened under my watch." Carol nearly touched the bandaged antler. Dess flinched away. Carol did not pursue. "And Noelle. I… I thought better of you."

(So does everyone else.)

"Both of you have become a liability to the other it seems," Carol went on, her logic as cold as she. "I cannot in good conscience allow my daughters to fight like this. You two will stay in your rooms and stay apart until I say otherwise. Then, you will make up. We cannot afford another rupture in this family. Without your father…"

"Fine by me," Dess said. She already began to leave to her room, hands in her pockets.

"I wasn't finished!"

"Well I am." She slammed the door to the kitchen shut. But. Noelle listened. And listened. She didn't hear Dess' heavy hooves stomp up the stairs.

Carol approached Noelle, a ghostly pale imitation of comfort hanging in the air. "Noelle. Tell me the truth. Did December…"

And Noelle's soul broke.

"I did tell the truth! I did! And so did Dess! I can't stand the way you talk to her, I can't!"

"Noelle…!" Carol reached out, her hand blue with death.

"Don't touch me!" Noelle screamed, tripping over herself as she tried to escape through the kitchen. "Don't touch her! Leave us alone! Just leave us alone!"

Carol said nothing as Noelle burst through the door, sobbing. Carol made no motion to stop her. Carol showed nothing but that usual cold that had suffocated them their entire lives.

And on the other side of the door, just out of their mother's sight, Dess was waiting, expression unreadable. On the stairs, she walked silently in step with Noelle, as near and as quietly as she could be. She said nothing. She held nothing. But she stayed by Noelle's side until they made it to her door.

She watched Noelle leave. She watched Noelle close her door. And she was gone yet again.

The days dragged on.

Noelle, trapped in her room, trapped in the light, couldn't bring herself to do much. Summer slipped away through her fingers, and she admitted she was glad for it. She played her games, she went online, but she still. Remained numb. The wound in her soul had hardly begun to heal, the wound where Dess had pierced her with those incredibly sharp antlers.

And she still felt it.

Noelle still felt that piece of Dess. Stuck in her heart.

It would never leave.

Even when Dess took her shard back, even when Dess tried to grind it to dust in the palm of her hand. It was always there. A thorn in Noelle's heart. No one could remove it. No one but Noelle. And she refused.

In the pure white numb, in the chill where she couldn't feel her fingertips anymore, she would always feel that thorn from Dess. If there was nothing else, there was that.

And at times, oh so many times, Noelle would lean back into the wall connecting to Dess' room. And she wondered. Would Dess be on the other side? Could she be doing the same thing?

She always strained to hear. Strained to feel. But she heard nothing. She felt nothing. Only the thorn, sprouting painfully in her soul.

Sometimes, but sometimes, Noelle felt the lightest rumble against her wall. The faintest heartbeat. So quiet. So dark. Did she imagine it? She never knew. But. She hoped. She hoped.

She hoped it was Dess.

"Mom, this is ridiculous," Dess said, stars glinting against her dark antlers, even with a piece of her missing. "We're adults, not children. You can't just force us to make up."

"You two have certainly been acting like children," Carol said, the full moon enveloping her back, highlighting those jagged horns in white. "Barely speaking to the other. Distant. As if you're strangers."

Dess looked away. "It's none of your business."

Carol, as always, scowled ever deeper. "I am your mother. It is absolutely my business."

"You don't know what you're doing," Dess hissed. "You don't have a fucking clue."

Carol, so bright under the moonlight, as always overpowered Dess in the dark like this. And Noelle, was stuck in a halfway point. Carol's moon struck her at one side while Dess' black grasped at the other.

"Then tell me," Carol demanded. There could have been a hint of worry. A hint of love. But Noelle knew better than to believe that. "Something has happened. I will find out."

"I won't let you," Dess growled.

Yet another balk. So rare. So strange to see on Carol's face. Carol faced Noelle as she always did when she failed to reach Dess. "Noelle…!"

"I won't either," Noelle whispered, but it wasn't nearly as strong as her sister. She held her own arm. She looked away. She could never face that blinding white. "If Dess won't."

"Think of yourself for once, Elly…!" Dess argued, so much more desperately than she must have meant to.

"I am," Noelle said, fierce in her resolve here. "I always am. You're the one that doesn't."

"What…?" Dess faltered.

"You two have become twisted," Carol said, breaking in. "Your father can hardly take it."

"Why did you have to tell Dad?!" Dess gritted her teeth.

"I wish you didn't," Noelle sighed sadly.

Carol's eyes widened for a millisecond, but her practiced patience always won through. "What's done is done."

What's done is done. She was right.

"Now," Carol started. "I am not asking much. Ride the Ferris Wheel together." Her face shifted, the light nearly flickered. "It always helped. It always did."

"And if I refuse?" Dess said, rebellious as always.

"Then I can do nothing," Carol admitted with an uncharacteristic sigh. "But you came here together with me, did you not? Both of you."

It wasn't much. Not these days at least. Not anymore. It always seemed so incredibly grand, so wonderfully mystical when Noelle was little. Even when it was with Kris.

But now, even as it towered over them, the Ferris Wheel seemed small, almost flimsy under the stars. It was slapped in a simple shopping district, nothing so fancy, no other rides to speak of. Little food shops peppered the area around the Ferris Wheel, crowding it like it was their only source of warmth. It remained uncaring, unmoved by the plight of a small town in the middle of nowhere.

Carol, however, never would let it go. The Ferris Wheel. There weren't many things she fought for like this. She would often choose to lower spending, to abandon any form of entertainment if it became unprofitable, but the Ferris Wheel seemed to be a weak spot for her. Noelle could never truly understand.

"Actin' like we had a choice coming here with you," Dess muttered, looking up at the brightly colored wheel, dulled by age and darkness. But there was no denying the softness in her voice, the fragility of it all. If Carol was weak to this thing, then Dess… Dess must have been even more so.

Noelle, however. Noelle…

She didn't know if she could be as moved by it. A great hunk of metal, full of bittersweet memories, forced to stand against decades. Rust and faulty parts must have hid under its well-taken care of exterior. How much of this Ferris Wheel stayed the same over all the years? If it was, it must have been truly horrid inside, truly a festering corpse of itself.

Memories both good and bad rested here. Memories long and buried. Dead and rotting. Her father. Her sister. Her mother. And Kris.

Kris had been the last one she rode with here.

Their memory still burned the brightest, threatening to engulf her. And still. She could not face it. Could not understand it. She didn't want to. What had it meant? What did it mean? She still could never understand herself. But. She could take a guess.

She never liked her guesses.

"Just try," Carol said, voice quieter than Noelle had ever heard. "If not for me, if not for yourselves, than for your father."

"Nice guilt trip," Dess growled.

"I'd like to try," Noelle found herself saying, surprising herself and even Carol and Dess.

"What? Seriously…?" Dess tried to look away. "Don't—don't let Mom walk all over you."

"I do not wish to force you," Carol said, the ice in her throat melting into slush.

"Yeah fuckin' right."

Carol clenched her eyes tighter. She repeated, "I do not wish to force you," but the difference in tone was clear.

Dess ran her hands through her hair, bumping into her injured antler with a start. She cursed and threw her hands into her pockets. "Fine. Fine, whatever. C'mon, Elly. Let's get this over with."

"At least try to enjoy yourself, December," Carol said behind them.

In the dark, where only Noelle could see as she walked side by side with Dess, Noelle saw the way Dess' middle-finger flipped out between her fist with ease before stuffing it back into her pocket.

Carol didn't see. But Noelle did.

She smiled.

They piled inside the car of the Ferris Wheel and sat across from each other in the cramped seats. Noelle noted it seemed so much smaller than she remembered, her knees knocking awkwardly against Dess' rather gangly legs. She apologized, but Dess simply blew a strand of hair out her eyes, crossed her arms, and looked out the carriage window.

Carol was still there. Under the light of the moon, the light of her town. She nodded at them, as if they were supposed to understand what that meant and walked away, supposedly to give them space or to go pester the small businesses nearby.

"This is stupid," Dess said, nearly the moment Carol had left. The bright neon lights of the Ferris Wheel colored her dark face a rainbow of brilliant colors, even with such a deep frown.

Noelle's nervous smile faltered. "Do you, um, not want to ride with me?"

Dess shot her a sharp glance. "Elly, you know it’s not that."

With a terrible shudder that made Noelle's stomach drop, the Ferris Wheel lurched forward to a meandering start. Slowly, so terribly slowly, they began to rise into the night sky, just the two of them.

"I don't know that," Noelle said with a bit more emotion than she meant, the sudden rocking of the carriage giving her a jolt of adrenaline. "You don't want to… be around me anymore."

Dess sighed, craning her neck, staring out the window as the world began to turn into a nightlight wonderland. Red and green scrolled across her face as they rose. "I mean. I. That's not true I just." She went silent. Blue and pink neon light from outside blurred past her. Then yellow and white.

"What is it then?" Noelle asked, very much knowing the answer.

"You know damn well what the problem is, Elly, come on," Dess growled. It was aggressive, but somehow there was still warmth in her voice. Safety. Comfort. As if she only spoke this way because she knew Noelle could handle it.

"Well. Can we talk about it?"

"I'd seriously rather not."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why??" Dess groaned and tilted her head back, leaning farther into her cramped chair, practically taking up the entire space between them. Neon red bled onto her jacket. "You're not stupid, Elly."

Noelle's soul had become numb over the week. It made her seem braver than she was. The reality, however, was that she struggled to care for the consequences.

"You don't like that we fucked," Noelle said tonelessly.

Dess suddenly shriveled into herself, dark blue neon coating her cheeks. "Elly! Since when do swear?!"

Noelle shrugged. "Should I not? You do it all the time."

"Well. I mean. Yeah, but you just… usually… don't."

Noelle sighed. She placed her elbow in the window and leaned on her hand. Still she remained numb. "Fine. You don't like we had sex."

"Jesus, don't just say it!" Dess said, her voice nearly a whisper. Neon green.

Noelle closed her eyes briefly. "What do you want me to say then? What can I say?"

"I… I don't know! Just. We can't… it’s not…" White.

"It's changed forever now, isn't it?"

Dess sighed, and Noelle could hear the way she ran her fingers through her hair. "Kinda. Yeah." White.

"Is it really so bad?"

"Noelle." Dess' tone was dry. "It's incest." She said the word like it was a bad taste in her mouth. "Do you get it? Do you understand what that means?"

"You say we're not kids anymore, but you still treat me like one."

"I—"

"I know what we did. I'm fully aware. I don't care. I liked it. I enjoyed it. Did you not?"

"That's not the point, Elly!" Red.

"Then what is? Should we hide these feelings, pretend it never happened, pretend we never felt them?"

Dess groaned again, exasperated. "Yeah! Yeah, we should! That'd be the smartest thing to do!" Yellow.

Noelle opened her eyes. They were at the peak of their ascent, looking over the sleepy little town, barely lit in the dark. Bubbles of light appeared here and there, but the landscape remained dark.

"I don't want to."

"Well I do." Only the moonlight touched her now.

"It won't change the fact we still had sex. That we were in an incestuous relationship."

"Christ, Elly! Were you always this depraved?"

"You know I am. You know it, Dess! Just be honest. It's part of the reason you love me. It's part of the reason we had sex."

"Ugh! Stop saying it! You sound like Mom! It's fuckin' weird!"

Now that made Noelle angry. She moved away from her window and leaned forward into Dess' surprised face. "Sex! Sex sex sex! We had sex! We fucked!"

Dess practically covered her mouth in shock before suddenly bursting into laughter. "Goddamn it, now you're starting to sound more like your annoying self."

"Oh please, I barely annoy you! You love me being the cute little sister!"

"Dude, shut up!" Dess whined. "Is this what happens when you don't get what you want? You're so spoiled." Yet. There was no denying the grin at her lips.

"Quit acting like you don't know me! I know you!"

"Not-uh," Dess said with a cheeky head shake. "Literally not-uh. This holds up in court."

"Who's the brat again??"

"Not me!"

"You're the annoying one here!" Noelle pouted, her little hands curled into fists. "You leave me all alone for days! You say nothing for days! But you have the gall to still follow me around like you care about me! Make up your mind! What do you want with me?!"

"Tch." Dess leaned back against her chair. The Ferris Wheel began its decent. White and yellow. "Is it so wrong to care about you still?"

"It is when you mess with my heart like this! If you're not interested in me anymore then just… just…" Noelle felt it boiling in her throat. "Leave me alone! Stop hovering behind me like a shadow!"

Dess looked away, through the window as they slowly sank even lower. "I'm just…" Nothing. The lights didn't hit her on this side.

"Don't play stupid! You're not doing it for my sake! You just want to be around me! You're still trying to squeeze every second you can with me!"

"You have no idea—"

"I do! I actually do!" Noelle placed a palm over her soul. "If anyone would know about you, it's me! But you don't respect me enough to believe that, do you?"

"Elly…! I respect you! That's why… that's why I…" She shook her head. "That's why we can't do this."

The carriage reached the bottom. The door opened, revealing a pasty monster at the control system. They attempted to ask something, but the sisters said at the same time, "We're not done yet!" The pasty monster fumbled and quickly closed the door again.

"Respect me so much, you think you should make all my decisions for me?" Noelle huffed, crossing her arms. "How's that respectful?"

"Ugh, I'm trying to save you from making this worse!" The neon lights continued to blink in an array of dizzying colors into the carriage. Red at her face. Blue at her heart.

"I don't need saving! Not from you!"

"You absolutely fuckin' do, Elly. Come on. Everyone knows you're defenseless."

"Well… I… it's not like you took advantage of me!"

"What? Are you dumb? Yeah, I did!" Yellow and white flitted over her chest.

"I'm the one who initiated it! I'm the one who kept going!"

"It's not a matter of who did what. I'm the older sister. It's my responsibility. And I failed. Simple as that. Nothing left to argue." A stubborn green stained her.

The Ferris Wheel started again, knocking the air out of Noelle's lungs as her hoof clacked between Dess' legs.

"I'm an adult, Dess. You're not even that much older."

"I don't care! I still hold power over you in this situation!"

"What power? I had you in the palm of my hand! You couldn't resist me!" Noelle sounded as if she had an ego, but what else was she to do?

"Psh, don't flatter yourself," Dess leaned back and sprawled her arms across the cramped seat. She motioned coolly with her hands. "You couldn't resist me." A cool pink highlighted her chest. Her face and her grin fell into shade.

Noelle tried to pout, tried to keep her angry act up, but the way Dess stretched her legs out, the way she took what little room Noelle had to herself, made Noelle's cheeks flush. "Fine. So? Maybe true."

"Heh heh," Dess laughed that deeply satisfying laugh of hers. "See? I'm a huge problem to you, Elly~." She leaned forward with a mocking sneer, her white teeth gleaming like the edge of a blade under the moonlight.

Ba-dump!

"Well … I…!" Noelle leaned closer, refusing to fall back, refusing to lose this. "I don't see it as a problem."

"Cuz you're dumb," Dess teased, leaning closer with that grin of hers, the heat of her snout buzzing against Noelle's. Red. So red.

"I've always had better grades than you," Noelle countered. "I'm not dumb. I… Dess… I want… I want…" Her face softened, her soul pounding in her chest again, those dangerous black lips taking her in once more. "I want this. Don't you get that? Don't you understand that?"

Dess breathed quietly into Noelle. As the lights scrolled by, as they blinked away, she fell into black.

"Don't you want this, too?"

The car stopped at the peak once more, stars twinkling like diamonds in the sky, like eternal snowflakes, frozen in time so long ago. Moonlight streamed in.

"I…" Dess started, and Noelle's soul ached so much. She closed her eyes. "I do too."

Noelle nearly shouted, nearly shook the car. "Then why?! Why can't we?!"

"We can't, Elly! Do you understand how it'd ruin our lives if we got caught?" Dess hissed. "Not just ours! Not just Mom's! But Dad's too!"

Noelle refused. "Then just. Don't get caught." Her words were ice, an inviting mist, a hungry chill, a lonely night.

"The risks are too high." Dess shook her head.

"Now who sounds like Mom?"

Dess' glared at her sister. "Oh, don't even. Don't EVEN! I'm nothing like her!"

"You are!" Noelle furrowed her eyebrows. "Deciding what's best for me. Afraid to take any risks. Pretending you don't have any emotions…! Sounds like Carol to me!"

"Ugh!" Dess growled, gritting her teeth. She slammed her hand against the top of the car as she attempted to stand up, hunched over Noelle. She was angry. No denying it now. The car lurched as she glowered over her sister. "Shut up! Take that back. Take. That. Back." She pointed a finger right at Noelle's nose, practically shoving the younger sister against the seat.

"No! No, I won't!" Noelle argued, soul racing, head swimming. "Prove it! Prove you're not like her!"

"Proof huh?" Dess hissed, awkwardly standing over Noelle, barely able to stop her injured antler from scraping against the roof. "You just want to get me to kiss you again. I'm not stupid."

"So! So what?! I've been perfectly clear that's what I want! You're the one who won't be honest." She turned her head away, barely able to stop her entire body shaking, the fur bristling under her clothes. "Like Carol. Hmph!"

"You fuckin' brat…!" Dess nearly cried out, suddenly pouncing at Noelle like a creature from the dark. "Fine. Fine. Fine! You win. I can't take it anymore."

And, oh, once more, Dess kissed her. Under the white light of the moon, under the starry black sky, Dess took Noelle's cheeks in her hands. Outside the window, the town buzzed so far away, everyone so far away, leaving them free to finally be alone together.

Noelle sighed into her sister, pressing Dess' hand deeper with her own. She clasped it and squeezed, feeling the scars and nicks beneath her fur again, memories of pain or pleasure etched into her flesh that Noelle might never know. Dess, as always, acted tough, acted like the one in control, but the way Noelle could position her hands anywhere she wanted betrayed otherwise.

Something inside Dess had always been scared. Always been timid. Just like Noelle. Even if she didn't show it, Noelle felt it.

Noelle gently placed Dess' hands against her sides, allowing her sister to take more if she wished. And as Noelle expected, Dess's fingers clenched at Noelle's side, grabbing and petting the fur underneath her clothes, sending hot thrills through her.

And Noelle kissed back, gently at first, timidly, but as always, it didn't last. The way Dess grabbed her, the way her lips tasted like bitter candy, yet her jacket smelled of smoke—it always pulled deep into Noelle's soul. She began to press harder into Dess, pushing her back as if in a power struggle. She never wanted it to be a power struggle. She only wanted Dess.

Dess, oh, Dess, she seemed to limply, slowly, fall back into her own chair, a mess of hot emotions across her dark face as Noelle continued to give. Another kiss, another, another… Why have a final kiss? Why bother? Noelle kissed her enough that she couldn't even count them, that she would never know when it truly ended.

"Elly, where did you… learn to… when did you… get so…" Dess's cheeks flushed with heat. "Where did you learn to do this?" She said when she caught her breath between kisses.

Without missing a beat, between her kisses, Noelle said, "You."

And it was the truth. Dess had taught her how to be strong, how to take what she wanted, how to give what she wanted to give. Maybe her kisses were sloppy, clumsy still, but her desire was not. Where Dess fumbled with her own wants, Noelle did not.

Noelle pressed herself on top of Dess. There was plenty of room. Dess was tall. Noelle could find any spot she wanted but settled against her open furry midriff. And as Dess held her sides, Noelle was the one to cup Dess' cheeks and point her snout to heaven, to Noelle. She gazed down at her sister in fascination, watched as even Dess of all people, became lost in Noelle's chill.

And she leaned down and kissed her once more.

She took. And she gave. Dess took. And Dess gave.

But, oh, how sweet Dess' deep moans of pleasure were, how melodies simply sang from her throat even when she didn't try. Dess was hypnotizing in her little songs, her little notes, just for Noelle.

Even as Noelle tried to take initiative, Dess' hands remained a strong anchoring force, always reminding, always feeling. Dess could throw her younger sister off at any moment she wanted. But she chose not to. And it made Noelle's heart flutter all the more, high above the town.

One more kiss. One more kiss. Oh, another. Another. A final kiss. No. It wasn't enough. Another. Noelle peppered Dess with one last kiss over and over, each only becoming more desperate, more hurried, more final.

Dess accepted every final kiss, almost greedily, almost with a strange hungry pain. Each final kiss made her wince, each final kiss left her still, left her wondering when it would end, wondering how much time they had left before…

The Ferris Wheel shuddered and started, pushing Noelle deeper onto Dess' legs. She yelped, but not too loudly, for she knew what it meant. One final kiss. One more. Just one more. Please.

And as they lowered back into town, back into reality, Dess allowed Noelle to lie against her chest for a few more painful moments. Noelle listened to the sound of her soul beat like a drum; felt the way it slowed as they neared the end.

With a sigh, Dess gently lifted Noelle with those rough gentle hands, and sat her across from them once more. No light shone on Dess' side as they descended.

Noelle couldn't bear to speak.

Before it reached the bottom, Dess said, "I love you, Elly."

Noelle said, "I love you too, Dess."

Dess closed her eyes. She let out a deep sigh, filled with turmoil, and said, "This… doesn't have to be the end."

Ba-dump!

"But it can't be forever. It can't be always."

Anything! Anything! Noelle, so full of greed, would take anything!

Dess' sharp eyes cut through the black. "Can you handle that, Elly? Can you handle… this?"

Noelle nodded. "I can. I promise, I can."

Dess made a noise. They were so close to the bottom. "Fine. But the moment I sense it goes too far. The moment I sense it's too dangerous. The moment I think you can't handle this. It's done."

Noelle frowned. "Only you get to decide this?" A beat. "Weren't you worried about the power imbalance? Isn't that…"

Dess' cool facade completely fell apart. She blinked and stumbled as the Ferris Wheel stopped. "Fuck. Uh. I guess you're right. Well. How about…" She smiled.

The door opened, revealing the town and its dazzling little lights all around them. Dess went out first, took Noelle's hand, and easily pulled her out onto solid ground. With a clack! their hooves hit the concrete.

Dess' smile shined brighter than the moon. She looked to Noelle and said,

"How about we figure it out together as we go along?"