Chapter Text
Noelle's soul remained heavy, weighed down by guilt and grief. The next day, she woke, hoping, praying, that somehow it had all been a wonderful nightmare.
However, when she opened the door and moved towards the bathroom, she had the misfortune of seeing Dess in the hall.
It was obvious that they both slowed, that they both flinched at the sight of each other, despite trying so hard to forget. It was impossible to ignore the bandage at the tip of Dess' antler, especially in the blinding light of home.
'Are you okay…?' Noelle nearly said.
But her memory interrupted. 'Shut up. Please.'
And she averted her eyes and glided by Dess, trying desperately to avoid her touch, her soul, her everything. Yet, somehow, even though it wasn't particularly cramped, or maybe because Noelle was horribly selfish, her fingertips brushed against Dess' and the cool fabric of her band shirt.
It reminded her of last night. A desperate touch. Clutching for something more.
But Dess said nothing. She stormed silently into her room and back into the dark. She closed the door.
Click!
Noelle flinched at the lock. It hurt more than she expected. When she made it to the bathroom. She cried again.
"December."
Silence. Utensils clacked against plates as they ate. Noelle and Dess did not speak. Their mother's blade loomed over the dining table, eternally sharp and foreboding.
"December Holiday, answer me this instant."
A click of a tongue. A clench of her fists. A narrow of the eyes. Dess groaned. "What."
"Don't you 'what' me as if nothing is the matter."
Noelle wanted to interject. So terribly wanted to try and change the subject to protect her sister. But. She never could. And she certainly couldn't now.
"What is it, Mom. What is it."
"You know exactly what 'it' is, December."
"I really don't."
"Don't act like a fool to me."
"Not an act. I'm just a fool."
Carol's tone chilled, it seethed and burned, bit into Noelle's ears, stung her already tender soul. Her voice became several octaves lower but the threat behind it gleamed icy blue in the dark.
"December."
"Ugh, fuck's sake." Dess dropped her hands to the table, rumbling and clattering their plates, causing Noelle to flinch. "The antler. Yes. My fuckin' antler, Mom. Can you not get on my ass about this for once?"
"I will not tolerate such language, December." Carol scowled and Noelle's body began to shake, began to tremble. She wished Dad was here. She wished Dad was here. She wished Dad was here.
"Get fuckin' used to it."
Carol moved like a wraith in the snow. Soundless. Terrifying. She was out of her chair, glaring down at Dess, teeth surely grinding behind her passive lips. "You will not talk to me like this, December."
"I'm not scared of you anymore," Dess lied. She wouldn't look Carol in the eyes.
"Who hurt you, December?" Carol screeched, her frigid voice like nails against permafrost. "Tell me. Now."
Carol never laid a hand on Dess. She never would. On either of them. No matter how much it seemed like she would. She never did. And sometimes… Noelle wished she would. Sometimes, Noelle thought, it'd be easier if Carol did strike them. Easier to understand. Easier to hate.
"Why?" Dess' voice picked up. "What are you gonna do to them?" She was angry. Noelle couldn't breathe.
"That's none of your concern."
"Huh. Oh yeah? Really think so?"
"December. I don't have time for your childish games. Answer the question."
"Yeah? Are you sure you want me to?" Dess met Carol's gaze now, but she wasn't brave. She wasn't brave. She wasn't brave.
"Final warning. You know what the punishment will be. Don't force my hand, December. Tell. Me."
And Dess' bluster faltered as it always did. Her voice cracked as she cursed, "Fuck," under her breath. "Fine. Fine. I'll tell you."
Noelle couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. Everything was frozen. Everything hurt.
"Noelle," Dess said easily. "It was Noelle."
"What?" Carol's voice nearly broke. She shot an icy glance, those terrible cold eyes screaming into Noelle's, piercing and stabbing and invading and violating.
Noelle, pathetic as she was, already started to cry silently. She didn't deserve to cry. She was so weak.
"If this is a joke, it is a truly disgusting one, December."
"Not a joke, Mom," Dess said, her voice rising. Her chair screeched as she stood up to face Carol now, taking that biting gaze away from Noelle. "It was Noelle."
"Impossible. You are lying to my face. You are lying to my face and hurting your sister. December, what has gotten into you?"
"Yeah. I knew you wouldn't believe me," Dess hissed. "I knew you wouldn't."
"As you spew lies? Why would I ever—"
Noelle's tiny voice somehow cut off her mother's. "She's telling the truth, Mom." She let out a tiny hiccup, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hated that she was crying. She hated it so much. "It's my fault."
Carol didn't speak. Her utter bewilderment seemed worse.
Dess growled under her breath. "We got into a fight."
"What? What could drive you two to… … this?"
Noelle sniffled. She laid her head down in her arms and spoke down into the void beneath her. "I… I went too far. I…"
"She said I had shit taste in music," Dess lied. She shrugged.
(What…?)
"Noelle?" Carol repeated, awestruck. "That simply does not make sense."
"Ugh. She didn't say the exact words, Mom, come on."
"Do not admonish the truth, December."
A sigh. "She found one of those CDs of mine you don't like. Blood Crushers." Dess took a breath. "Tried to rat me out to you. Told me we weren't allowed to listen to that. Your rules, remember?"
"I… Of course. I know my own rules, December." But Carol's chill had begun to die.
"Noelle was gonna tattle on me. Take it away. Told me it was no good. Said it was bad for me. Said you wouldn't like it." Dess paused. "I told her to get over it. Keep it a secret. But she just kept pushing me."
Noelle sobbed. She didn't mean to make the lie more believable. She didn't want to lie like this.
"She grabbed it, you know. She told me I was gonna get in trouble. Told me how mad you'd be, Mom. Heh." She grinned, their mother still stunned into silence. "I think she was just trying to protect me, thinkin' on it."
(I wasn't! I wasn't! I was selfish…!)
"That is…"
"True," Dess finished. "You would get mad. And you are getting mad. Aren't you?" Dess tilted her head. Was she enjoying this? No. No. Noelle could see the way her sister's hands shook, see the way her fur bristled in the chill. "I got pissed. Told her she didn't have the right. Told her to stop. Told her I could handle myself against you."
Noelle could do nothing but listen in horror at the lie her sister continued to protect her.
"I pushed her."
"What?!"
Dess nearly spat the words out like acid. "Of course, that's the part you're upset about." She took in a breath. "She wouldn't let go. She wouldn't give it up. You know what? You know what, Mom?"
Carol said nothing.
"I think she liked it." Dess sneered. "I think she likes that type of music, too. I think she wanted it to herself."
"Unbelievable. Noelle would never. This is baseless conjecture."
(Mom talks about me like I'm not even in the room.)
"Well?" Dess motioned to her sister, actually asking for her opinion whereas Carol simply could not. "What do you think about that type of music, Elly?"
It stung. It reopened the wounds in her soul once more. Stitched them back up. Sliced it open again. She bled out inside of herself.
Noelle said, "… I do."
"Noelle!" Carol cried out. "This cannot possibly be right. Kris' terrible pranks must be involved. I will not put up with their games!"
"She's right," Noelle said after a sniffle. "I liked it. I really really liked it. I liked it so much. I wanted it for myself. Just for me." Noelle spied the tiniest clench of Dess' hands.
"We got into a fight," Dess said with a shrug. "You know. She's in that cross-country shit at school, right? All those sports? She's stronger than she looks."
(I'm not…)
"I can't believe what I'm hearing. This has never happened."
"Well it fucking happened. She likes my music, mom. She likes it and so the fuck do I. You wanna blame me for influencing her? Sure. What the fuck do I care? What else you wanna try to do to me, huh?"
"December!"
Noelle couldn't take it. She rose out of her chair. "It's not her fault! Mom! Please! It was me! It was all me! I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at Dess! Please be mad at me instead! I started everything, I went too far, I made her hurt her antler!"
"Don't you fuckin' believe her," Dess hissed. "She was already lying to you about all this. Lying about everything else. I got too rough with her. She defended herself. Not her fault I stumbled and chipped my antler off."
"That's not…! That's not true! Dess didn't…! I did…! I was…!"
"You couldn't hurt me if you tried, Elly."
"But I did! I did hurt you and I…"
"Get over yourself. I'm the main reason my antler got hurt. Not you."
"You can't… you can't! You can't take all the blame, Dess…! You know it's not fair!"
"Look at you. Already a sobbing mess, Elly. You can't fucking handle it. Don't act."
"I'm not acting! Listen to me, Dess! It was my fault! I was the one that—"
"ENOUGH!" Carol bellowed, a gust of terrible ice pushing the sisters into their chairs. "You both take me for a fool. Both of you are lying. Both of you are trying to protect the other."
"Hm. Hey, maybe you're right," Dess said with a smug grin. "When'd you get so smart, Mom?"
"December. Your insolence has gone on far enough. I have been far too lax with you. Now look what has happened under my watch." Carol nearly touched the bandaged antler. Dess flinched away. Carol did not pursue. "And Noelle. I… I thought better of you."
(So does everyone else.)
"Both of you have become a liability to the other it seems," Carol went on, her logic as cold as she. "I cannot in good conscience allow my daughters to fight like this. You two will stay in your rooms and stay apart until I say otherwise. Then, you will make up. We cannot afford another rupture in this family. Without your father…"
"Fine by me," Dess said. She already began to leave to her room, hands in her pockets.
"I wasn't finished!"
"Well I am." She slammed the door to the kitchen shut. But. Noelle listened. And listened. She didn't hear Dess' heavy hooves stomp up the stairs.
Carol approached Noelle, a ghostly pale imitation of comfort hanging in the air. "Noelle. Tell me the truth. Did December…"
And Noelle's soul broke.
"I did tell the truth! I did! And so did Dess! I can't stand the way you talk to her, I can't!"
"Noelle…!" Carol reached out, her hand blue with death.
"Don't touch me!" Noelle screamed, tripping over herself as she tried to escape through the kitchen. "Don't touch her! Leave us alone! Just leave us alone!"
Carol said nothing as Noelle burst through the door, sobbing. Carol made no motion to stop her. Carol showed nothing but that usual cold that had suffocated them their entire lives.
And on the other side of the door, just out of their mother's sight, Dess was waiting, expression unreadable. On the stairs, she walked silently in step with Noelle, as near and as quietly as she could be. She said nothing. She held nothing. But she stayed by Noelle's side until they made it to her door.
She watched Noelle leave. She watched Noelle close her door. And she was gone yet again.
The days dragged on.
Noelle, trapped in her room, trapped in the light, couldn't bring herself to do much. Summer slipped away through her fingers, and she admitted she was glad for it. She played her games, she went online, but she still. Remained numb. The wound in her soul had hardly begun to heal, the wound where Dess had pierced her with those incredibly sharp antlers.
And she still felt it.
Noelle still felt that piece of Dess. Stuck in her heart.
It would never leave.
Even when Dess took her shard back, even when Dess tried to grind it to dust in the palm of her hand. It was always there. A thorn in Noelle's heart. No one could remove it. No one but Noelle. And she refused.
In the pure white numb, in the chill where she couldn't feel her fingertips anymore, she would always feel that thorn from Dess. If there was nothing else, there was that.
And at times, oh so many times, Noelle would lean back into the wall connecting to Dess' room. And she wondered. Would Dess be on the other side? Could she be doing the same thing?
She always strained to hear. Strained to feel. But she heard nothing. She felt nothing. Only the thorn, sprouting painfully in her soul.
Sometimes, but sometimes, Noelle felt the lightest rumble against her wall. The faintest heartbeat. So quiet. So dark. Did she imagine it? She never knew. But. She hoped. She hoped.
She hoped it was Dess.
"Mom, this is ridiculous," Dess said, stars glinting against her dark antlers, even with a piece of her missing. "We're adults, not children. You can't just force us to make up."
"You two have certainly been acting like children," Carol said, the full moon enveloping her back, highlighting those jagged horns in white. "Barely speaking to the other. Distant. As if you're strangers."
Dess looked away. "It's none of your business."
Carol, as always, scowled ever deeper. "I am your mother. It is absolutely my business."
"You don't know what you're doing," Dess hissed. "You don't have a fucking clue."
Carol, so bright under the moonlight, as always overpowered Dess in the dark like this. And Noelle, was stuck in a halfway point. Carol's moon struck her at one side while Dess' black grasped at the other.
"Then tell me," Carol demanded. There could have been a hint of worry. A hint of love. But Noelle knew better than to believe that. "Something has happened. I will find out."
"I won't let you," Dess growled.
Yet another balk. So rare. So strange to see on Carol's face. Carol faced Noelle as she always did when she failed to reach Dess. "Noelle…!"
"I won't either," Noelle whispered, but it wasn't nearly as strong as her sister. She held her own arm. She looked away. She could never face that blinding white. "If Dess won't."
"Think of yourself for once, Elly…!" Dess argued, so much more desperately than she must have meant to.
"I am," Noelle said, fierce in her resolve here. "I always am. You're the one that doesn't."
"What…?" Dess faltered.
"You two have become twisted," Carol said, breaking in. "Your father can hardly take it."
"Why did you have to tell Dad?!" Dess gritted her teeth.
"I wish you didn't," Noelle sighed sadly.
Carol's eyes widened for a millisecond, but her practiced patience always won through. "What's done is done."
What's done is done. She was right.
"Now," Carol started. "I am not asking much. Ride the Ferris Wheel together." Her face shifted, the light nearly flickered. "It always helped. It always did."
"And if I refuse?" Dess said, rebellious as always.
"Then I can do nothing," Carol admitted with an uncharacteristic sigh. "But you came here together with me, did you not? Both of you."
It wasn't much. Not these days at least. Not anymore. It always seemed so incredibly grand, so wonderfully mystical when Noelle was little. Even when it was with Kris.
But now, even as it towered over them, the Ferris Wheel seemed small, almost flimsy under the stars. It was slapped in a simple shopping district, nothing so fancy, no other rides to speak of. Little food shops peppered the area around the Ferris Wheel, crowding it like it was their only source of warmth. It remained uncaring, unmoved by the plight of a small town in the middle of nowhere.
Carol, however, never would let it go. The Ferris Wheel. There weren't many things she fought for like this. She would often choose to lower spending, to abandon any form of entertainment if it became unprofitable, but the Ferris Wheel seemed to be a weak spot for her. Noelle could never truly understand.
"Actin' like we had a choice coming here with you," Dess muttered, looking up at the brightly colored wheel, dulled by age and darkness. But there was no denying the softness in her voice, the fragility of it all. If Carol was weak to this thing, then Dess… Dess must have been even more so.
Noelle, however. Noelle…
She didn't know if she could be as moved by it. A great hunk of metal, full of bittersweet memories, forced to stand against decades. Rust and faulty parts must have hid under its well-taken care of exterior. How much of this Ferris Wheel stayed the same over all the years? If it was, it must have been truly horrid inside, truly a festering corpse of itself.
Memories both good and bad rested here. Memories long and buried. Dead and rotting. Her father. Her sister. Her mother. And Kris.
Kris had been the last one she rode with here.
Their memory still burned the brightest, threatening to engulf her. And still. She could not face it. Could not understand it. She didn't want to. What had it meant? What did it mean? She still could never understand herself. But. She could take a guess.
She never liked her guesses.
"Just try," Carol said, voice quieter than Noelle had ever heard. "If not for me, if not for yourselves, than for your father."
"Nice guilt trip," Dess growled.
"I'd like to try," Noelle found herself saying, surprising herself and even Carol and Dess.
"What? Seriously…?" Dess tried to look away. "Don't—don't let Mom walk all over you."
"I do not wish to force you," Carol said, the ice in her throat melting into slush.
"Yeah fuckin' right."
Carol clenched her eyes tighter. She repeated, "I do not wish to force you," but the difference in tone was clear.
Dess ran her hands through her hair, bumping into her injured antler with a start. She cursed and threw her hands into her pockets. "Fine. Fine, whatever. C'mon, Elly. Let's get this over with."
"At least try to enjoy yourself, December," Carol said behind them.
In the dark, where only Noelle could see as she walked side by side with Dess, Noelle saw the way Dess' middle-finger flipped out between her fist with ease before stuffing it back into her pocket.
Carol didn't see. But Noelle did.
She smiled.
They piled inside the car of the Ferris Wheel and sat across from each other in the cramped seats. Noelle noted it seemed so much smaller than she remembered, her knees knocking awkwardly against Dess' rather gangly legs. She apologized, but Dess simply blew a strand of hair out her eyes, crossed her arms, and looked out the carriage window.
Carol was still there. Under the light of the moon, the light of her town. She nodded at them, as if they were supposed to understand what that meant and walked away, supposedly to give them space or to go pester the small businesses nearby.
"This is stupid," Dess said, nearly the moment Carol had left. The bright neon lights of the Ferris Wheel colored her dark face a rainbow of brilliant colors, even with such a deep frown.
Noelle's nervous smile faltered. "Do you, um, not want to ride with me?"
Dess shot her a sharp glance. "Elly, you know it’s not that."
With a terrible shudder that made Noelle's stomach drop, the Ferris Wheel lurched forward to a meandering start. Slowly, so terribly slowly, they began to rise into the night sky, just the two of them.
"I don't know that," Noelle said with a bit more emotion than she meant, the sudden rocking of the carriage giving her a jolt of adrenaline. "You don't want to… be around me anymore."
Dess sighed, craning her neck, staring out the window as the world began to turn into a nightlight wonderland. Red and green scrolled across her face as they rose. "I mean. I. That's not true I just." She went silent. Blue and pink neon light from outside blurred past her. Then yellow and white.
"What is it then?" Noelle asked, very much knowing the answer.
"You know damn well what the problem is, Elly, come on," Dess growled. It was aggressive, but somehow there was still warmth in her voice. Safety. Comfort. As if she only spoke this way because she knew Noelle could handle it.
"Well. Can we talk about it?"
"I'd seriously rather not."
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why??" Dess groaned and tilted her head back, leaning farther into her cramped chair, practically taking up the entire space between them. Neon red bled onto her jacket. "You're not stupid, Elly."
Noelle's soul had become numb over the week. It made her seem braver than she was. The reality, however, was that she struggled to care for the consequences.
"You don't like that we fucked," Noelle said tonelessly.
Dess suddenly shriveled into herself, dark blue neon coating her cheeks. "Elly! Since when do swear?!"
Noelle shrugged. "Should I not? You do it all the time."
"Well. I mean. Yeah, but you just… usually… don't."
Noelle sighed. She placed her elbow in the window and leaned on her hand. Still she remained numb. "Fine. You don't like we had sex."
"Jesus, don't just say it!" Dess said, her voice nearly a whisper. Neon green.
Noelle closed her eyes briefly. "What do you want me to say then? What can I say?"
"I… I don't know! Just. We can't… it’s not…" White.
"It's changed forever now, isn't it?"
Dess sighed, and Noelle could hear the way she ran her fingers through her hair. "Kinda. Yeah." White.
"Is it really so bad?"
"Noelle." Dess' tone was dry. "It's incest." She said the word like it was a bad taste in her mouth. "Do you get it? Do you understand what that means?"
"You say we're not kids anymore, but you still treat me like one."
"I—"
"I know what we did. I'm fully aware. I don't care. I liked it. I enjoyed it. Did you not?"
"That's not the point, Elly!" Red.
"Then what is? Should we hide these feelings, pretend it never happened, pretend we never felt them?"
Dess groaned again, exasperated. "Yeah! Yeah, we should! That'd be the smartest thing to do!" Yellow.
Noelle opened her eyes. They were at the peak of their ascent, looking over the sleepy little town, barely lit in the dark. Bubbles of light appeared here and there, but the landscape remained dark.
"I don't want to."
"Well I do." Only the moonlight touched her now.
"It won't change the fact we still had sex. That we were in an incestuous relationship."
"Christ, Elly! Were you always this depraved?"
"You know I am. You know it, Dess! Just be honest. It's part of the reason you love me. It's part of the reason we had sex."
"Ugh! Stop saying it! You sound like Mom! It's fuckin' weird!"
Now that made Noelle angry. She moved away from her window and leaned forward into Dess' surprised face. "Sex! Sex sex sex! We had sex! We fucked!"
Dess practically covered her mouth in shock before suddenly bursting into laughter. "Goddamn it, now you're starting to sound more like your annoying self."
"Oh please, I barely annoy you! You love me being the cute little sister!"
"Dude, shut up!" Dess whined. "Is this what happens when you don't get what you want? You're so spoiled." Yet. There was no denying the grin at her lips.
"Quit acting like you don't know me! I know you!"
"Not-uh," Dess said with a cheeky head shake. "Literally not-uh. This holds up in court."
"Who's the brat again??"
"Not me!"
"You're the annoying one here!" Noelle pouted, her little hands curled into fists. "You leave me all alone for days! You say nothing for days! But you have the gall to still follow me around like you care about me! Make up your mind! What do you want with me?!"
"Tch." Dess leaned back against her chair. The Ferris Wheel began its decent. White and yellow. "Is it so wrong to care about you still?"
"It is when you mess with my heart like this! If you're not interested in me anymore then just… just…" Noelle felt it boiling in her throat. "Leave me alone! Stop hovering behind me like a shadow!"
Dess looked away, through the window as they slowly sank even lower. "I'm just…" Nothing. The lights didn't hit her on this side.
"Don't play stupid! You're not doing it for my sake! You just want to be around me! You're still trying to squeeze every second you can with me!"
"You have no idea—"
"I do! I actually do!" Noelle placed a palm over her soul. "If anyone would know about you, it's me! But you don't respect me enough to believe that, do you?"
"Elly…! I respect you! That's why… that's why I…" She shook her head. "That's why we can't do this."
The carriage reached the bottom. The door opened, revealing a pasty monster at the control system. They attempted to ask something, but the sisters said at the same time, "We're not done yet!" The pasty monster fumbled and quickly closed the door again.
"Respect me so much, you think you should make all my decisions for me?" Noelle huffed, crossing her arms. "How's that respectful?"
"Ugh, I'm trying to save you from making this worse!" The neon lights continued to blink in an array of dizzying colors into the carriage. Red at her face. Blue at her heart.
"I don't need saving! Not from you!"
"You absolutely fuckin' do, Elly. Come on. Everyone knows you're defenseless."
"Well… I… it's not like you took advantage of me!"
"What? Are you dumb? Yeah, I did!" Yellow and white flitted over her chest.
"I'm the one who initiated it! I'm the one who kept going!"
"It's not a matter of who did what. I'm the older sister. It's my responsibility. And I failed. Simple as that. Nothing left to argue." A stubborn green stained her.
The Ferris Wheel started again, knocking the air out of Noelle's lungs as her hoof clacked between Dess' legs.
"I'm an adult, Dess. You're not even that much older."
"I don't care! I still hold power over you in this situation!"
"What power? I had you in the palm of my hand! You couldn't resist me!" Noelle sounded as if she had an ego, but what else was she to do?
"Psh, don't flatter yourself," Dess leaned back and sprawled her arms across the cramped seat. She motioned coolly with her hands. "You couldn't resist me." A cool pink highlighted her chest. Her face and her grin fell into shade.
Noelle tried to pout, tried to keep her angry act up, but the way Dess stretched her legs out, the way she took what little room Noelle had to herself, made Noelle's cheeks flush. "Fine. So? Maybe true."
"Heh heh," Dess laughed that deeply satisfying laugh of hers. "See? I'm a huge problem to you, Elly~." She leaned forward with a mocking sneer, her white teeth gleaming like the edge of a blade under the moonlight.
Ba-dump!
"Well … I…!" Noelle leaned closer, refusing to fall back, refusing to lose this. "I don't see it as a problem."
"Cuz you're dumb," Dess teased, leaning closer with that grin of hers, the heat of her snout buzzing against Noelle's. Red. So red.
"I've always had better grades than you," Noelle countered. "I'm not dumb. I… Dess… I want… I want…" Her face softened, her soul pounding in her chest again, those dangerous black lips taking her in once more. "I want this. Don't you get that? Don't you understand that?"
Dess breathed quietly into Noelle. As the lights scrolled by, as they blinked away, she fell into black.
"Don't you want this, too?"
The car stopped at the peak once more, stars twinkling like diamonds in the sky, like eternal snowflakes, frozen in time so long ago. Moonlight streamed in.
"I…" Dess started, and Noelle's soul ached so much. She closed her eyes. "I do too."
Noelle nearly shouted, nearly shook the car. "Then why?! Why can't we?!"
"We can't, Elly! Do you understand how it'd ruin our lives if we got caught?" Dess hissed. "Not just ours! Not just Mom's! But Dad's too!"
Noelle refused. "Then just. Don't get caught." Her words were ice, an inviting mist, a hungry chill, a lonely night.
"The risks are too high." Dess shook her head.
"Now who sounds like Mom?"
Dess' glared at her sister. "Oh, don't even. Don't EVEN! I'm nothing like her!"
"You are!" Noelle furrowed her eyebrows. "Deciding what's best for me. Afraid to take any risks. Pretending you don't have any emotions…! Sounds like Carol to me!"
"Ugh!" Dess growled, gritting her teeth. She slammed her hand against the top of the car as she attempted to stand up, hunched over Noelle. She was angry. No denying it now. The car lurched as she glowered over her sister. "Shut up! Take that back. Take. That. Back." She pointed a finger right at Noelle's nose, practically shoving the younger sister against the seat.
"No! No, I won't!" Noelle argued, soul racing, head swimming. "Prove it! Prove you're not like her!"
"Proof huh?" Dess hissed, awkwardly standing over Noelle, barely able to stop her injured antler from scraping against the roof. "You just want to get me to kiss you again. I'm not stupid."
"So! So what?! I've been perfectly clear that's what I want! You're the one who won't be honest." She turned her head away, barely able to stop her entire body shaking, the fur bristling under her clothes. "Like Carol. Hmph!"
"You fuckin' brat…!" Dess nearly cried out, suddenly pouncing at Noelle like a creature from the dark. "Fine. Fine. Fine! You win. I can't take it anymore."
And, oh, once more, Dess kissed her. Under the white light of the moon, under the starry black sky, Dess took Noelle's cheeks in her hands. Outside the window, the town buzzed so far away, everyone so far away, leaving them free to finally be alone together.
Noelle sighed into her sister, pressing Dess' hand deeper with her own. She clasped it and squeezed, feeling the scars and nicks beneath her fur again, memories of pain or pleasure etched into her flesh that Noelle might never know. Dess, as always, acted tough, acted like the one in control, but the way Noelle could position her hands anywhere she wanted betrayed otherwise.
Something inside Dess had always been scared. Always been timid. Just like Noelle. Even if she didn't show it, Noelle felt it.
Noelle gently placed Dess' hands against her sides, allowing her sister to take more if she wished. And as Noelle expected, Dess's fingers clenched at Noelle's side, grabbing and petting the fur underneath her clothes, sending hot thrills through her.
And Noelle kissed back, gently at first, timidly, but as always, it didn't last. The way Dess grabbed her, the way her lips tasted like bitter candy, yet her jacket smelled of smoke—it always pulled deep into Noelle's soul. She began to press harder into Dess, pushing her back as if in a power struggle. She never wanted it to be a power struggle. She only wanted Dess.
Dess, oh, Dess, she seemed to limply, slowly, fall back into her own chair, a mess of hot emotions across her dark face as Noelle continued to give. Another kiss, another, another… Why have a final kiss? Why bother? Noelle kissed her enough that she couldn't even count them, that she would never know when it truly ended.
"Elly, where did you… learn to… when did you… get so…" Dess's cheeks flushed with heat. "Where did you learn to do this?" She said when she caught her breath between kisses.
Without missing a beat, between her kisses, Noelle said, "You."
And it was the truth. Dess had taught her how to be strong, how to take what she wanted, how to give what she wanted to give. Maybe her kisses were sloppy, clumsy still, but her desire was not. Where Dess fumbled with her own wants, Noelle did not.
Noelle pressed herself on top of Dess. There was plenty of room. Dess was tall. Noelle could find any spot she wanted but settled against her open furry midriff. And as Dess held her sides, Noelle was the one to cup Dess' cheeks and point her snout to heaven, to Noelle. She gazed down at her sister in fascination, watched as even Dess of all people, became lost in Noelle's chill.
And she leaned down and kissed her once more.
She took. And she gave. Dess took. And Dess gave.
But, oh, how sweet Dess' deep moans of pleasure were, how melodies simply sang from her throat even when she didn't try. Dess was hypnotizing in her little songs, her little notes, just for Noelle.
Even as Noelle tried to take initiative, Dess' hands remained a strong anchoring force, always reminding, always feeling. Dess could throw her younger sister off at any moment she wanted. But she chose not to. And it made Noelle's heart flutter all the more, high above the town.
One more kiss. One more kiss. Oh, another. Another. A final kiss. No. It wasn't enough. Another. Noelle peppered Dess with one last kiss over and over, each only becoming more desperate, more hurried, more final.
Dess accepted every final kiss, almost greedily, almost with a strange hungry pain. Each final kiss made her wince, each final kiss left her still, left her wondering when it would end, wondering how much time they had left before…
The Ferris Wheel shuddered and started, pushing Noelle deeper onto Dess' legs. She yelped, but not too loudly, for she knew what it meant. One final kiss. One more. Just one more. Please.
And as they lowered back into town, back into reality, Dess allowed Noelle to lie against her chest for a few more painful moments. Noelle listened to the sound of her soul beat like a drum; felt the way it slowed as they neared the end.
With a sigh, Dess gently lifted Noelle with those rough gentle hands, and sat her across from them once more. No light shone on Dess' side as they descended.
Noelle couldn't bear to speak.
Before it reached the bottom, Dess said, "I love you, Elly."
Noelle said, "I love you too, Dess."
Dess closed her eyes. She let out a deep sigh, filled with turmoil, and said, "This… doesn't have to be the end."
Ba-dump!
"But it can't be forever. It can't be always."
Anything! Anything! Noelle, so full of greed, would take anything!
Dess' sharp eyes cut through the black. "Can you handle that, Elly? Can you handle… this?"
Noelle nodded. "I can. I promise, I can."
Dess made a noise. They were so close to the bottom. "Fine. But the moment I sense it goes too far. The moment I sense it's too dangerous. The moment I think you can't handle this. It's done."
Noelle frowned. "Only you get to decide this?" A beat. "Weren't you worried about the power imbalance? Isn't that…"
Dess' cool facade completely fell apart. She blinked and stumbled as the Ferris Wheel stopped. "Fuck. Uh. I guess you're right. Well. How about…" She smiled.
The door opened, revealing the town and its dazzling little lights all around them. Dess went out first, took Noelle's hand, and easily pulled her out onto solid ground. With a clack! their hooves hit the concrete.
Dess' smile shined brighter than the moon. She looked to Noelle and said,
"How about we figure it out together as we go along?"