Chapter Text
Failure: Voltaea
Everything hurts . All Voltaea can taste is bile - all she can hear is blaring static and scattered laughter. A little voice at the back of her head whispers how much of an embarrassment she is for losing it like this in front of everyone. She braces herself on the side of the trashcan long after she’s finished emptying her stomach, staring at the evidence of her failures - until a bold, familiar voice cuts through the noise. “Hey Sparky, thought you might want a drink after all that.” Voltaea lets her head roll to the side, looking up at Sarah who stands over her with a bottle of water and a concerned-looking half-smile.
“Thanks.” She manages to mumble, pushing herself upright and taking a tentative sip of the water. Her body doesn’t immediately reject it like the food, though she doesn’t dare leave the safe range of the trash can just yet.
Sarah pats her on the shoulder and she flinches - though doesn’t recoil. “Let’s go sit. You can at least listen while we talk strategy, ok? I don’t want you to miss anything.” Voltaea just looks at her, unmoving, with most of her thoughts still wrapped in static and shame. So much for looking strong today, I’m useless. Sarah leans in to whisper - loudly - seemingly sensing her concern, “Y’know, If you need a place to throw up again, Marcelus is only two tables away from us.”
Voltaea laughs - it makes her head feel like it’s being split in two with an axe, but it’s earnest. That’s what I should have done in the first place. “Okay, I’m coming.” Her stomach growls angrily now that her nausea has dissipated slightly. I should try to eat something, that could help, right? “Just give me a second to grab something to eat that’s a little less heavy.” I just want today to be over.
“I think they have soup, does that work?” Voltaea nods. “Let’s get some of that then. And another water or three, you look like you’ve… uh… lost some there.” Sarah gestures at her and she looks down. Oh. I’m completely gross right now. Great. They walk to the buffet table side-by-side, Voltaea trying her best not to check how many eyes are still on her after that display of weakness. There’s several different soups available - she takes the first bowl on the table, not bothering to read the label. It’ll only make my head hurt more. Sarah grabs two, one for each hand, and leads her back to the table where the others still sit chatting amicably.
Coulomb starts to pummel Voltaea with questions in a pitchy, too-bright voice as soon as she drops into her seat - “Are you okay? Do you think you’re getting sick? Did you drink again? Was it the food?” She rubs her forehead with one hand where a spike of pain hits in response to his chatter - He’s almost as bad as Ohma is with this stuff. Sarah sees her grimace - she gestures at Coulomb to be quiet and thankfully he trails off.
Voltaea takes a bite of her soup - it’s already lukewarm from sitting on the buffet table, but the flavor is as decadent as anything else she’s had in the Capitol. I didn’t even know soup could taste good. Before anyone can shatter her moment of peace by asking again, she comes up with an explanation for her outburst as best she can - “It’s nerves.” Not entirely a lie - though she leaves out the part where her nerves are frayed because she took something to make herself stronger and overdid it - like an idiot . “I’m just… a lot more nervous than I thought I would be.”
“You don’t have to explain, I get that.” Sarah nods and chimes in - she’s actually managed to keep her voice sort-of quiet this time - “It’s getting so close now. I mean, today is the last time we’ll have a chance to really talk before…” She trails off, turning her attention back to her food and picking at it. She’s nervous. Voltaea looks around the table and notices - they all are. I’ll just play up my nerves then, and maybe no one will notice I’m broken.
“They’ll have us waiting together before the private sessions tomorrow - but everyone else will be there too.” Coulomb whispers between bites of pudding.
“So it’s our last chance to talk privately, at least.” Sarah leans in and drops her voice even lower. “Does anyone have any ideas we haven’t covered?”
Bashir pipes up, Voltaea misses half of it in the deafening blaze of background voices battling for her focus - he’s almost too quiet… “- bloodbath?”
She digs her nails into her palm under the table to quiet her mind enough to listen - “Huh?”
“I said what are we going to do during the bloodbath?” Bashir looks around the table expectantly. Coulomb is still exhausted around the eyes and avoids looking up from his pudding. Sarah just seems bewildered by the question - like it had barely occurred to her that they’d be a part of that in just a few days. “We’ve kind of avoided the subject so far.”
“I mean what’s there to plan? We run in, we grab some stuff, we run out - and we try really hard not to die while we do that.” Sarah shrugs and dives back into her food as soon as she’s done proposing her not-plan .
Voltaea turns to Bashir, ignoring Sarah’s unhelpful advice - “Can you fight?”
“No.” He says bluntly. Pragmatic, I respect that. “I can run pretty fast, and I hide well, but I’m not a fighter.”
“I’m not either.” Coulomb says weakly - he looks like he’s about to tear up again. Don’t do that here, I made us look weak enough today. “Maybe we should just run? We could find our own food, or maybe we’ll get sponsors? Mr. Orville says he’s good with sponsors, we’ll probably have some at least.”
Voltaea takes another bite of her soup and tries to scrape together a coherent thought from the ashes of her crash. ‘They’ll both die in there, you know.’ She looks around the room to confirm her suspicion that the familiar voice in her head is, in fact, in her head. She’s not here, I know she’s not here, stay in the moment. Deep breath - exhale - “We do both. You two leave, Sarah and I will run for supplies. We’ll find some way to meet after.”
“Okay, but how? I don’t want to just run off without you guys and not be able to find you again.” Bashir questions.
Coulomb finishes his pudding and pipes up again while Voltaea is still mulling over the logistics of her plan - “We could stay close and hide? Maybe keep an eye out for them and run after them when we see them leave?”
“I don’t know - there might not be a good place to hide, and there’s going to be a lot of people running around us on day one. We could get caught just as easily.” Bashir doesn’t seem convinced - “We can’t have any kind of big signal either or we’ll have people up our asses, I think -” That’s it -
“You just have to find high ground.” Voltaea blurts the thought out before it can escape her grasp again - “Whatever the highest thing in the arena is - trees, a mountain, a building, whatever - doesn’t matter. Find that, and we’ll find you there.”
“Hmmm.” Bashir folds his hands under his chin and rests his head on them, pondering her words for a moment before he speaks again - “So, let’s say there’s two equally tall places -” Oh come on… “-or, none at all? How are you guys gonna know where to find us then?”
“I have an idea.” Coulomb raises his spoon like he’s asking permission to speak in class - they all turn to look at him. “You mentioned big signals - so I was thinking we can’t make a fire or anything like that. And earlier I was making this oven -” If he keeps rambling like this without getting to the point my head is going to explode right here at the lunch table. Coulomb carries on for another minute before pulling a small, shining pocketwatch out of his pants and holding it up to the light. It catches, the reflection crosses Voltaea’s eyes for a moment and it’s blindingly bright - “So I can use my token as a reflector, to signal you guys!”
“That could work, it’s better than nothing anyway.” Bashir concedes. “So the plan is run, find somewhere high up, signal you guys, and hope for the best?”
“I think so.” Sarah says through a mouthful of mashed potato. “I mostly tuned out after the part where Sparky and I are gonna fight.” She turns to Voltaea, thankfully swallowing before she speaks again. “Speaking of which - we should probably take a little time to practice your fighting skills again if we’re gonna do that. If you’re up for it.” Moving around and throwing things is at the bottom of the list of things I feel like doing right now.
“I’m up for it if you are.” I am going to regret agreeing to this so much. Oh wait! That reminds me - “Cymbria wanted to meet us after lunch, maybe we can get her to come too?” Sarah’s eyes narrow at the mention of Cymbria’s name and Voltaea quickly adds - “It might be good to practice against someone I don’t care about hurting.” That gets a laugh out of her, to Voltaea’s relief.
They try to avoid the topic of strategy for the rest of lunch - though there isn’t much of lunch left by the time they finish planning. The intercom blazes to life overhead and beckons them back to the training floor - Cymbria is already by the door with her sidekick in tow waiting for them. “Did you have a chance to talk to your friends?” Her eyes lock with Voltaea’s.
Sarah barges into the conversation before she has a chance to respond - “She did, and now you’re gonna come practice with us. So we know we can trust you.”
Cymbria giggles, unfazed, shifting to the side and gesturing dramatically to the door - “Fine. Lead the way, then.”
Voltaea glances down at her hands as the group makes their way to a melee combat station - she’s shaking less now that she’s eaten, at least, but she’s still sweating bullets and feels like there’s a team of construction workers jackhammering her brainstem with every step. Not exactly fighting material. She bites her tongue as her jaw clenches suddenly and tries to hide her disgust as the taste of copper coats her mouth. I’m not making anyone proud today.
The trainer waves them over in her direction when they arrive and starts reciting the ground rules in the bored tone of someone who’s made this speech a thousand times before - “Training weapons only - you can check out a maximum of two at a time and they have to return to these racks when you finish here. If someone draws blood somehow we stop immediately - otherwise matches go until someone concedes or is pinned. I can have two groups fighting at a time, there’s not enough space for more - so a few of you will have to wait.” Voltaea glances behind her at Coulomb who nods immediately, gesturing for Bashir to follow him to a nearby bench to watch them. “Everyone got it?” She barely waits for them to nod before speaking again. “Alright then, pair off and pick your weapons.” She waves them off and returns to a chair at the side of the fighting area.
There are two platforms, raised about six inches off of the floor with large circles in the middle of them. Off to the side sits a series of racks holding a whole arsenal of training weapons; axes, knives, swords, spears - even a few more exotic ones Voltaea can’t identify at first glance. She feels a slender arm thread through hers and Cymbria’s cool voice echoes in her ear “I think I’ll take you today.” Shit, she beat me to it.
Voltaea tugs her arm out of Cymbria’s grip and tries to put on the smuggest look she can muster in her sorry state. “Try me.” Cymbria just rolls her eyes in response and strides ahead to the weapon rack, grabbing a pair of dull training knives without a second thought - I can’t even come up with a good comeback, I hate today. Voltaea takes a moment to look over the selection in front of her before landing on a handaxe that resembles the ones she was throwing with Sarah yesterday - it’s the only thing she’s remotely familiar with wielding. Probably not familiar enough…
Sarah grabs a much larger axe, Nerisse a spear - they mount their platform just after Voltaea and Cymbria have squared off on their own. The lights buzz angrily overhead - Voltaea rolls the axe over in her hands until she settles on a decent grip. She says a silent prayer to anyone who bothers to listen - please don’t let me drop this.
The trainer claps her hands and calls out, snapping her back into the moment - “On my countdown - Three… two… one… fight!” Cymbria snaps into action immediately, closing the distance between them in a flash and bringing her knife straight at Voltaea’s neck - she jumps back and it misses her narrowly. Voltaea swings the axe blindly in front of her, every movement making her head pound in revolt. It’s facing the wrong way - she whacks Cymbria in the arm with the back end of it. Before she can recover to swing again, she feels the cold training knife press into the side of her throat.
“And you’re dead.” She looks to her side to see Cymbria’s icy smile inches from her face. “You left yourself wide open with that swing.” Fuck, she’s right, isn’t she?
She eyes the bench behind her. I could go sit down for a minute… though not if I want Alara to be proud today. Her body screams at her to take it easy - her words say differently - “Let’s go again.”. Voltaea stands herself upright and gets back into position on the platform. Cymbria does the same, though she tosses her second knife to the side this time - She thinks I’m too weak to bother.
“I’ll go a little easier on you this time.” Her voice drips with sarcasm - she winks, smirking at Voltaea like she already knows she’s won - I need to wipe that smile off her face. Cymbria turns to the trainer - “Give us a countdown.”
“Three… two… one… fight -” Cymbria wields the knife in her left hand, again charging Voltaea. She’s ready for it this time - stopping the first swing of the knife with the handle of her axe and swiping Cymbria’s arm to the side. There’s the briefest of openings - ‘Don’t hesitate’ - she tries to grab Cymbria’s knife-hand with her free one and digs her nails into her arm. There’s a sharp pain in her shin as the other girl sweeps her legs. The world shifts around her and there’s a soft sound - smack - as she falls backward onto the padded floor. Her head spins, pounding - the axe flies out of her hand and Cymbria is on top of her in seconds, pinning her arms and holding the training knife to her throat again.
“Better, but you’re still dead.” Cymbria laughs as she pulls back the knife and gets to her feet, holding out a hand to help Voltaea up behind her. “You’re too predictable, you just left yourself wide open again.” The voice sounds distant, dulled by the throbbing pain. She closes her eyes, lying flat on the mat for a few moments until the throb recedes enough that she can hear herself think again. It takes a considerable effort, but she pushes herself to her feet without taking Cymbria’s help.
Her mind and body both scream at her in unison now to take a break - she drowns the screams in static, picking up the axe and taking position across from her opponent once more - “Again.”
“You look tired, are you sure you don’t want to call it quits?” Cymbria taunts, spinning the knife around in her fingers. Voltaea shakes her head - not yet.
There's a loud sigh from the side of the platform as the trainer stands up to give them another countdown - “Three… two… one… f-” Voltaea springs forward before she can finish the last word, beating Cymbria off the mark - she swings, misses - dodges back from the knife. Cymbria pulls away to make another move but Voltaea whips the back-end of the axe into the knuckles of her knife hand causing her to release it in shock. She loses her own grip - shit - both weapons clatter on the ground. Cymbria looks stunned and dips quickly to grab the knife - ‘Don’t hesitate -’ the command echoes in the back of Voltaea’s head once again and she grabs the back of the other girl’s short-cropped hair and yanks it.
“Fuck!” Cymbria kicks outward and knocks Voltaea’s legs out from underneath her - they both crash to the ground. Everything hurts - all she can do is swing wildly and try to stay out from under Cymbria’s attempts to wrestle her into a pinned position. She’s almost got her and then - slam - her back hits the mat as Cymbria gets the upper hand, grabbing the knife from the floor beside her and holding it a foot or so above Voltaea's face. She’s breathing heavily this time - hair sticking up in every direction with a look halfway between fury and triumph on her face. “Dead again.” She takes her free hand and smooths her hair back, keeping the knife pointed right at Voltaea. “This is why it was smart to make that truce with us, you wouldn’t stand a chance in a real fight with me.”
‘Are you just going to let her gloat up there all day or are you going to do something about it?’ - Voltaea uses the last burst of strength she can muster to rip her arm out of the position it’s pinned in and grab Cymbria’s knife hand, yanking it towards her and plunging her teeth into the girl’s forearm. Cymbria drops her knife - she makes a noise of agonized rage and the trainer blows her whistle from the sideline. Voltaea releases her grip immediately and the trainer barks out - “Hey! No teeth!” There’s an angry welt on Cymbria’s arm from where her teeth connected - good, I hope it hurts.
“I still had you beat.” Cymbria mutters as she stands up - she doesn’t offer help this time. “You would have already been dead before you had a chance to bite me.”
“But you didn’t touch me with the knife.” Voltaea stands on her own and massages the back of her neck to ease the tension. “You were just sitting there gloating, I had all the time in the world.” She attempts a smile - to her surprise, Cymbria returns it. I win?
“Good point. I’ll wait until I’ve finished killing you next time.” She reaches out to shake her hand and Voltaea returns it, curtly - “Do we still have our truce-for-now?”
Voltaea nods - “Yeah. For now.” The two of them step off the platform - Coulomb and Bashir are sparring on the second one, though it’s obviously nowhere near as heated as the fight she’d just been through. They’re mostly just goofing off with swords that are far too big for them and chasing each other in circles. Sarah and Nerisse are sitting on the bench chatting away and occasionally giggling at the boy's poor effort at a fight. It’s one of the only times Voltaea has seen the girl smile - Sarah’s good at that. Sarah waves them over when she catches sight of them.
Nerisse stands as they approach, eyeing Cymbria’s bruise - “Is your arm okay?” Cymbria scowls at her.
“It’s fine , stop being dramatic.” Nerisse shrinks into herself as Cymbria strides straight past her. She grabs her sidekick’s arm as she passes, shooting a look over her shoulder at the others - “It’s been fun beating you, but we’re going to try and actually challenge ourselves with the rest of our time.” Cymbria winks before she heads for the opposite end of the training hall without another word.
“I really can’t stand that freak, but her friend was alright. Nice to talk to, at least, when she actually talks.” Voltaea whips around at the sound of Sarah’s voice behind her. She’s glaring after Cymbria with her arms crossed - “You know she almost beat me? I got her twice but it was a close call in both fights.”
“Huh, I didn’t expect that.” Voltaea glances back at the girls, Cymbria seems to be berating her sidekick again from what she can see - “She’s always so… shy? I’ve never seen her stick up for herself with Cymbria, at least.”
“Yeah well - apparently when there’s weapons involved she gets over that. We’re gonna have to be careful with both of them if it comes down to fighting.” Sarah looks her over, biting back a giggle - “You know your hair’s all fucked up right?” Shit, I barely noticed. Voltaea reaches back - half her hair has escaped the bun and is sticking all over her neck and shoulders. “I’d offer to help but you look… um…”
“Gross?” Voltaea is all-too-aware of the state she’s in.
Sarah laughs - “I was trying to find a nice way to say that.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She smiles back - laughing sounds like more pain than she can handle right now. The shaking returns to her hands as she pulls her hair out of the tie fully. Without a brush it’s going to look disastrous no matter what she does, but she still attempts to pull it into its usual tight style. The important thing is the light tug at her temples - to keep her sharp - which she manages to achieve. “Better?”
Sarah looks at her for a moment before she speaks - “Its… better than it was?” She gives her a thumbs up and a cheesy smile - neither is very convincing.
Voltaea shrugs - “Good enough.”
“Are you alright besides the hair?” Sarah drops her voice to that almost-whisper she seems to think is quiet - “I didn’t wanna say this while she was here but you did get your ass kicked a little bit… no offense.” Kind of offense.
“I got her that last time.” Her back still feels tight from the other times. Maybe Alara has something that works for that? “I’ll be in better shape when we see her next, too.”
“Yeah, okay, fair. You both had crazy eyes for a minute there too - kinda wild. That was the fight I got the best look at.” I didn’t actually look at hers… should I have paid more attention? “I definitely didn’t expect you to just go for it like that, teeth and all - damn.” Sarah shoves her; lightly, but it still makes her bones ache.
Those falls hurt more than I thought - “We should probably avoid fighting if we can. We’ll just focus on getting in and out as fast as possible, the less contact the better.”
Sarah nods - “If I can get an axe, we’ll be fine. I think.” That’s hopeful I guess?
Before Voltaea has a chance to reply she hears the too-bright-today voice of Coulomb as he and Bashir descend from the platform - “You guys, I won!”
“No, I just got bored and gave up.” Bashir mumbles behind him.
“That’s still called winning, you conceded .” Coulomb grins from ear-to-ear, though they both look exhausted at this point - I probably look much worse. Bashir grumbles something inaudibly and rolls his eyes as Coulomb bounds ahead to meet the rest of the team. “So what’s next? I think we have time left.”
Before Voltaea can think, Bashir groans - “I just want to do something sitting down.”
“I’m with you on sitting.” Sarah chimes in - “There’s a knot-tying station, we could try that?”
Voltaea is too beat to do much other than nod in agreement and follow the others to the knot tying station. She works slower than she’d like - the shaking and tension in her body have both picked up again as the afternoon wears on - but manages to produce all but one of the knots the trainer shows them over the course of their session. She gives up on that one when Coulomb suggests another, thankfully seated activity at a survival skills station.
When the intercom finally blares to life to mark the end of the day, Voltaea and Coulomb say their goodbyes to their allies. It’s a less animated affair today - she’s not the only one who’s still completely exhausted. As the elevator lurches to life, she has to stop herself from slumping to the ground - though she does prop herself up casually against the wall to stay upright. She closes her eyes for the duration of the ride, protecting herself from Coulomb's excited chatter with a wall of throbbing headache and buzzing static. Though she does nod along in an effort to seem alive to appease him.
She doesn’t open her eyes until the doors chime, sliding open to the now-familiar lounge of their floor. Alara sits perched on a barstool sipping some colorful drink out of a triangular glass and looking like she just walked straight off a television set - clean, put-together, completely perfect - shit . Voltaea is suddenly struck with self-consciousness about her own disheveled state and stands stunned just outside the elevator doors. The tension only melts off her shoulders when Alara looks up and smiles at her, rising to her feet. She doesn’t look mad, so I can’t have done too badly? Coulomb says something behind her but all she can hear is the silent command Alara sends when she crooks a finger in Voltaea’s direction and turns towards her room.
Voltaea shoots a quick glance at Coulomb who looks up at her, visibly frustrated - or worried? “We’ll talk more at dinner, alright?”
He opens his mouth to say something - shuts it again. Breathes. Then finally - “Okay. You’re actually gonna come out here tonight, right?”
“Yeah of course.” Probably, anyway… I think. She takes off down the hall without thinking too much more about it, her aching skull screaming for relief with every step. Just a little further, and then she can fix this. Completely out-of-breath and caked in a day's worth of training grime, she catches up to Alara just as she’s opening the doors.
Alara turns to her, eyes wandering over her with a smile on her face. Her voice is teasing, dripping with sarcasm - “And here I thought you weren’t going to come.”
Voltaea can’t decide if she wants to say something earnest or something snarky. She hesitates for a moment before blurting out the first thing that pops into her head - “I’ll always come for you.” Ugh, too corny, what even is that? I need to practice romantic.
Alara bursts into a full-throated cackle. She loops an arm around Voltaea’s waist, sighing heavily to compose herself enough to speak. “We’ll get to that later, darling.” To what? “I’d imagine you probably want me to fix you up first?” Voltaea nods, still slightly confused but desperate for any kind of relief at this point. Alara tugs her forward, stepping into the dimly lit suite as the doors slide shut with a mechanical whir behind them.